Sex/Life is a series all about the secret sexy business of couples, throuples, exes who still fuck for some reason, LDR darlings, polyculites, and any other kind of amorous grouping your perfect heart can fathom. We send them nosey questions, they record themselves answering them, and we transcribe that conversation for all of us to enjoy. All names have been changed and any identifying details removed.
Reade (49) is a queer/non-binary human and Mack (46) is a trans man and they live together in Alberta after U-Hauling nine weeks into their now year+ relationship. They were poly but became obsessed with each other to the degree that monogamy became their new way of life. Mack’s a framer who is certifiably good with his hands, Reade does construction and customer service, and both are really involved in activism and community service.
And this is how they fuck.
What was your sex life like when you first started dating? How is that different from now?
Mack: So, it was a little scary at first because you don’t really know your partner. Definitely a lot different than it is now. We were just learning each other. It was good, but it’s way better now.
Reade: I think at the start, we were both kind of guarded.
Mack: We were definitely both guarded . Nervous. I held back, you know? You can’t completely be yourself with someone when you’re brand new. I mean the sex was great but it keeps getting better over time.
Reade: Can I tell them about farting? And how you used to leave the room? I thought it was so cute but not sustainable long term. He was so sweet, he’d leave the room in the middle of sex to fart.
Mack: Sure you can tell them whatever you want, it’s anonymous. Like when we first started having sex, I wanted to make sure that everything we were doing felt good and right. And it was. It was definitely a learning process.
Reade: We did a lot of checking in. It was lovely but sometimes I just wanted to get ravished. I’m glad we’ve moved past some of that. Mack and I still do lots of checking in but it’s definitely not as much.
We also didn’t have our own spaces when we met so it was hard to find ways and places to have sex. Which I think contributed to the guardedness and also why we moved in together so quickly. It gave us room to be loud and exploratory and brave.
We had sex in a bathhouse for a while and we also had sex on one of Mack’s job sites.
Mack: Yeah it was like an office though. In an office on an air mattress. It was nice to be allowed the space tho. Like the bathhouse and the work site.
Reade: I just remember how covered in sawdust we were. And I lost a sock at the bathhouse. It was kind of chaotic. Also the straight dude factor at the bath house got kind of creepy after a while.
Mack: Yeah I’m glad we stopped going there. I mean the job site does seem a little weird but the office wasn’t touched and it kind of made it into our own private space where we could hang out and get to know one another. It was safe, it was private.
Reade: One of my favourite earliest memories is you blowing up the air mattress for the first time. We couldn’t stop laughing.
Mack: At first I bought a single thinking that it would be fine and quickly realized that we at least needed a double with a pump. I remember having one of my team blow it up for me.
Reade: A lot of good times on that air mattress. I think we soaked the whole thing from top to bottom.
Our sex life now is chef’s kiss! It’s soooo good. I’m having the best sex of my life and I’m almost 50. I’ve never had a partner like Mack before who can keep up with my sex drive. He’s also really invested in getting me off. Most of my partners wanted to receive oral but didn’t give it me. Mack gets in there like it’s the best meal of his life. Every time. I really appreciate that about him.
Mack: Our sex life is phenomenal. I’m glad we took the time to get to know and understand each other. I really enjoy having a partner who gets me. Who knows what I like and understands me holistically. My partners in the past were clueless. It would always be me having to self advocate to get my needs met and I don’t have to do that anymore. My partner loves and understands me. Like, I like being touched. It was a fight with my past partners because they had low sex drives. They felt like it was all I wanted or that I was using them. And now it’s not anymore. Does that make sense? Like I’d go through long periods of time of abstinence so I wouldn’t have to fight to get my needs met.
Reade: I feel like I’m invested in his pleasure [laughter]
Mack: ME TOO! I love making love to you.
Reade: Same! It’s joyful. It’s fun. We laugh a lot. We play. We’re not afraid to be messy and loud and get what we need. And now he farts in front of me so I know he’s comfortable.
[laughter]
If you live together, how long into the relationship did you make this decision, and how has living together impacted your sex life?
Reade: We do live together. It’s been 9 months (Reade counts it out on their hands). We moved in together like seven weeks after we met. It was kind of ridiculous. I’ve never done something like that before. But we were so in love from the beginning. And we needed our own little corner of the world to be together in.
Mack: We got a kitten (laughs).. We’re pet parents.
Reade: We thought at first we’d move in together like six months into dating but—
Mack: Circumstances beyond our control lead to an early move date. I still had my apartment for 4 months so I’d sleep there on weeknights but go to our apartment after work and on weekends. I think it gave us the time to get to know each other better before living together full time. I’m glad we had that.
So it’s given us the privacy to be intimate. Be comfortable. Love. Laugh. Squirt.
Reade: I mean our sex life was good from the start but I think we were finally able to relax. It gave us room to really get to know one another physically. We learned how to sleep together. We had longer stretches of time with one another in a private space. We weren’t at the mercy of anyone’s time or space, just ours.
Mack: And a work schedule. (laughs)
Reade: I think we’ve been able to cover more of our home in cum.
Mack: Our poor couch!
If you are parents or caretakers, how has this impacted your sex life?
Mack: We’re pet parents (we have a dog and a cat) I know that’s different but they’re still interested in what’s going on.
Reade: Our dog forces us to take breaks, go outside, touch grass. I think it’s good. Our kitten has pounced a few times at inopportune moments.
[laugher]
Mack: Overall they don’t affect our sex life like a child or a senior parent would.
Do you have a top/bottom dynamic? Talk about that.
Reade: We’re both switches. I’m into letting him be toppy with me. Something I’m not normally interested in. I trust him in a way I haven’t been able to with previous partners. It’s really hot when he does some damage. I like wearing his marks. I like being owned a little bit. Again something I’ve never let another partner do.
Mack: Our relationship is different than any other relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve never let anyone top me. But I enjoy being topped by my partner. So we switch it up. It’s quite fun.
Do you feel like your sex drives are well matched?
Mack: Absofuckinglutely! For the first time in my life I don’t feel like I have to go looking outside of my relationship for sexual satisfaction.
Reade: Yes! Fucking finally! OMG! It’s amazing! I never thought I would find this person and I’m so grateful I have. I feel like I have catching up to do. And same, I don’t need sex outside of my relationship.
Mack: For the first time I don’t feel like I wanna share. I’m happy being monogamous.
Reade: Same. Although I like to make room for other possibilities because I think it’s important. But right now I’m 100% obsessed with our sex life.
Are there specific things you like to do during sex? Things you don’t like to do?
Mack: Yeah. Things we don’t like to do: 69 unless it’s titty/titty. No anal. I dunno what don’t you like to do?
Reade: Yes agreed no anal. I feel like our yums line up really well. We discovered Mack likes to give a little light pain, it really turns him on. A little choking, a little biting. He likes it when I dig my nails in. I like being grabbed in a rough way. I have a lot of flesh, and I like it being pulled on and grabbed. I like it when he sits on my face.
I’d say we’re both into trying things. We’re comfortable with each other’s weird. I like using a q-tip in my ear and Mack wants to go down on me while I do it, but —
Mack: Oh my god! We haven’t even done that yet.
Reade: I know, but we will. I feel like we’ve only scratched the surface of the things we’re going to explore. I know we want to have sex in a park. I want to have sex in an elevator. I feel like we’re getting into the next question.
Mack: What’s the next question?
What are some things you’d like to try (or try again)?
Mack: Outdoor sex. Yeah!
Reade: What else?
Mack: Safe public play spaces. Ummm I dunno, your turn.
Reade: I think you mentioned being tied up at some point. I have some really nice rope made by a queer couple that’s perfect. I agree with public sex. I’d love to take him to a queer bath house.
Mack: Yeah, I’m into that.
How important are orgasms to your sex life?
Reade: I’d say pretty important.
Mack: They’re like the most important thing. I think. Like the whole idea of having sex is to get off. I mean it feels good but getting off is really important.
Reade: We’re really good at making sure we both get off. We’re both squirters. I know my orgasms have gotten better with Mack.
Mack: Yeah it’s extremely important to both of us. That we make sure each other gets off.
What role does masturbation play in your sex life?
Mack: It’s an important part. During penetration it’s extremely important. It’s masturbation but it’s Reade masturbating me or vice versa. I haven’t masturbated on my own since we’ve been together. Or very rarely. I mean we’re both ok with masturbation in our relationship. If I wanted to go masturbate right now I would. Same thing with you (indicating Reade).
Reade: I do it sometimes to get to sleep. But mostly I’d rather have sex with Mack. I’ve never had such free access to amazing sex with a partner and it still hasn’t gotten old in any way. I think masturbation is great and I think folks should do it if they want to but right now there isn’t much of a need for me as solo exploration.
Tell us about your favorite or most memorable time you’ve had sex together.
Mack: They’re all my favourite! (laughs) I dunno.
Reade: I think the first time you came on me, all over my tits and belly. Or when you first sat on my face and came all over me and in my hair. I think discovering that new level of pleasure was fantastic.
Mack: I was thinking about that! I like that time at work when I came all over you.
Reade: I think it’s the level of intimacy that we’ve built that’s the best thing for me.
Mack: I also like when we first started introducing the toy (a large silicone dildo) a lot. That’s when I knew we didn’t need a third party. With the strap-on it helped complete things we were missing in our sex life. It kind of felt that things were missing before, and I’m glad we were able to find something to complete that besides another person.
Reade: I just have so many great memories of fucking and making love.
Mack: We have such good sex!
Reade: It’s so good.
Mack: I keep checking in because it’s so hard to believe it’s as good for you as it is for me.
Reade: It really is. I love you.
Mack: I’m so in love with you.
