I wish someone had told me sooner that I had been seeking mastery all this time, but I wouldn’t have been ready to hear it. Until r came along.
It took me years to settle into the idea that masculinity and topping were actually, authentically my identities.
You just have to be honest about what you’re looking for, and keep going after it.
I want to break things — holes, walls, people. I want to feel the begging in my pelvis and let it ignite the fire under me to burn bright up my spine and light up all my colors.
“He’d asked me about it before, saying it was something he’d always wanted. And now, he was quivering on the floor, looking up at me, handing me an open knife with both hands.”
In the beginning checking in all the time was useful. But after six months of it, Sarah was getting annoyed.
“But when we changed the game a little, and added just a few little things, our play soared to new mountain summits I hadn’t even known we could reach, or let alone want.”
Within D/s relationships specifically, protocols are explicit, negotiated with the needs and best interests of everyone in mind, subject to change based on reflection and consent.
We thrive on these everyday tiny moments where we both get to be reminded of our agreed-upon power differential.
“Perhaps trust is my biggest kink. That would explain a lot.”
“I knew she wanted it, I trusted her to know she could take what she asked for, and I wanted to give her what she wanted. But I couldn’t do it.”
When you want your partner to be strong, dominant, demanding and strict, “What do you need right now? Can I make you a sandwich? Let’s watch your favorite movie!” is not a sexy reaction.
“I’m not saying the only time you should play with safewords is in consensual non-consent. But to me, it’s the only time they’re really necessary.”
I have to be willing to reveal the messy, intimate parts of my life to have this authority exchange really work 24/7. Otherwise, it just isn’t sustainable.
“I want my friends to know who I belong to now,” rife said. “I want everyone to know I am taken.”
It’s almost impossible to master while grieving. When that grief turns into a depression, is it even M/s anymore?
Giving orders is more than the words coming out of my mouth. It’s the tone of voice I use, the eye contact, the confidence, the ease with which I speak.
The possibility of finding our kink community gave me the courage to take another deep breath and open the door.
“Master and slave — in consensual, intentional contexts — are the precise words for the cravings I have in my heart and gut to own, control, protect and nurture my partner.”
Sarah and I talked a lot about power in our relationship — who had it, who felt it, how it flowed between us. It wasn’t always smooth.