In the beginning checking in all the time was useful. But after six months of it, Sarah was getting annoyed.
“But when we changed the game a little, and added just a few little things, our play soared to new mountain summits I hadn’t even known we could reach, or let alone want.”
Within D/s relationships specifically, protocols are explicit, negotiated with the needs and best interests of everyone in mind, subject to change based on reflection and consent.
We thrive on these everyday tiny moments where we both get to be reminded of our agreed-upon power differential.
“Perhaps trust is my biggest kink. That would explain a lot.”
“I knew she wanted it, I trusted her to know she could take what she asked for, and I wanted to give her what she wanted. But I couldn’t do it.”
When you want your partner to be strong, dominant, demanding and strict, “What do you need right now? Can I make you a sandwich? Let’s watch your favorite movie!” is not a sexy reaction.
“I’m not saying the only time you should play with safewords is in consensual non-consent. But to me, it’s the only time they’re really necessary.”
I have to be willing to reveal the messy, intimate parts of my life to have this authority exchange really work 24/7. Otherwise, it just isn’t sustainable.
“I want my friends to know who I belong to now,” rife said. “I want everyone to know I am taken.”
It’s almost impossible to master while grieving. When that grief turns into a depression, is it even M/s anymore?
Giving orders is more than the words coming out of my mouth. It’s the tone of voice I use, the eye contact, the confidence, the ease with which I speak.
The possibility of finding our kink community gave me the courage to take another deep breath and open the door.
“Master and slave — in consensual, intentional contexts — are the precise words for the cravings I have in my heart and gut to own, control, protect and nurture my partner.”
Sarah and I talked a lot about power in our relationship — who had it, who felt it, how it flowed between us. It wasn’t always smooth.
We started to turn the top/bottom dynamics in our sex life into 24/7 dominance/submission. It was highly negotiated, mutually consensual, and extremely hot.
I wanted to hear her say it again. I wanted her to say it while we fucked, while I was inside her, while she kissed me, while she came. It felt right, it felt extraordinary, it felt entirely new.
I wanted her. I dreamed about her, daydreamed about her, wrote love notes to her all day long, wrote erotica about our sex life. We weren’t together all that long, but she taught me so much about dominance.
I had always put boundaries on my sadism — until I started seeing impact toys everywhere.
Before you can find someone who wants what you want, you have to say no to everyone who doesn’t.