“Master and slave — in consensual, intentional contexts — are the precise words for the cravings I have in my heart and gut to own, control, protect and nurture my partner.”
Sarah and I talked a lot about power in our relationship — who had it, who felt it, how it flowed between us. It wasn’t always smooth.
We started to turn the top/bottom dynamics in our sex life into 24/7 dominance/submission. It was highly negotiated, mutually consensual, and extremely hot.
I wanted to hear her say it again. I wanted her to say it while we fucked, while I was inside her, while she kissed me, while she came. It felt right, it felt extraordinary, it felt entirely new.
I wanted her. I dreamed about her, daydreamed about her, wrote love notes to her all day long, wrote erotica about our sex life. We weren’t together all that long, but she taught me so much about dominance.
I had always put boundaries on my sadism — until I started seeing impact toys everywhere.
Before you can find someone who wants what you want, you have to say no to everyone who doesn’t.
Tease and denial is a classic flirtation. Orgasm control is just one step further.
“What if the person who is strapped-on is tied to a bed, blindfolded and ridden, not allowed to come? Who is really in charge then?”
I wanted her to crawl over to the toy box and fetch the cane, then bring it back to me in her mouth. I wanted to tell her what to do. And I wanted it to be for my direct pleasure.
Trusting physics, trusting agency, trusting desire, and trusting the people I played with changed everything.
The first time I knew I was a top was when a girl I was dating said, “Please, hit me harder,” and then, later, whispered, “I can take more than you can give me.”
Started as a bottom, now I’m here.