QUIZ: What Kind of Queer Valentine’s Date Are You?

This post is sponsored by Wet for Her.

Valentines Day is a day when you can show someone you’ve been loving on (or just fucking on) just how much you’re digging them. You can give them chocolates that will melt or flowers that will brighten their space for a week, but why not give the gift that keeps on giving… and giving… and giving?

Take this quiz to find out just what kind of queer V-Day Date you are for the cutie in your life right now — and the toy that matches your persona. Are you popping over at 1AM for something a little quick and dirty? Maybe you want to bake their fave treats and watch their favorite rom com because you’re so sweet and chill. Either way, I got you, babe, and I’m here to help make sure you’re all set for a Valentine’s night you won’t soon forget.

Everything is available from our friends over at Wet For Her! They are making sure to get everything to you before the big day if you order by February 4th before noon CST. If you’re more of a last-minute Lilith you can order all the way up until noon CST February 10th to still get your V-Day treat time; the extra cash for shipping but it will be worth it!


Shelli Nicole is a Detroit-raised, Chicago-based writer. Her work has appeared in Bustle, HelloGiggles & Marie Claire. She is terrified of mermaids and teenagers equally.

Shelli has written 87 articles for us.

11 Comments

    • Me too, but these days, the answer would probably be Spice Girls. I blame Autostraddle for that! My yearlong rabbit-hole started with a list of the most-read articles from 2019 that mentioned the Spice Girls…So I admittedly guessed for that and the L-word character and rounded to whatever sounded closest to “my best sports bra” (seriously, though, I love some of the patterned ones that I found at Target a couple of years ago), but I got “loving & romantic.”

  1. A few of those questions are unanswerable. For example, for #1 I don’t listen to *any* music, due to having a bad case of the deafs. People tell me in situations where the answer is “N/A” or “None of the above” but it doesn’t give such options, I should figure out the purpose of the question and pick the answer which is most true “in spirit”.

    That almost never helps. Again using #1 as an example: “Listening to music to set a mood while getting ready for a date” is a perfectly comprehensible concept on an intellectual level, but I don’t ever do *anything* to set a mood while getting ready for a date and have no idea why other people would. I just get ready for a date. Also I’ve never even heard of any of those songs, let alone know what sort of mood they’re meant to convey.

    Most of the time when that happens it’s simply too far removed from my personal experience to understand “the spirit” or occasionally, even the question itself. It’s kind of like asking someone what their favorite model of luxury car is, when they live in an isolated place with no roads and barely have a concept of “car”.

    If it’s a single question in a long survey/questionnaire then I just pick something random and move on, but if it’s like, ⅓ of the questions in a short one, it feels rather alienating. And also, the latter happens far too often. I guess alienation from the general culture is a part of queer experience, so also occasionally being alienated from queer culture is maybe kind of meta-queer?

  2. I was excited to take the quiz, I am a sucker for a silly quiz, but this one seriously bummed me out. Zero options for an ace or Demi person. Normally you folks are pretty great with the representation so this one kinda stung.

    • Nah, I too looove quizzes, but this one wasn’t for me either. few options spoke to me, seemed to come from quite a narrow view (even though I am not on the ace spectrum).
      and I got “sassy bottom” – can’t confirm 🤷‍♀️

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