So Gay For You follows Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey as they grow from closeted queer kids into LGBTQ+ activists and successful actors and podcasters; delving into their personal lives and taking us behind the scenes of The L Word and Generation Q.
In this exclusive excerpt from the co-written memoir, Kate and Leisha talk about filming some of the L Word’s most iconic sex scenes.
Kate Moennig
As originally written, in season 3, episode 5, “Lifeline,” Cherie and Shane had a love scene that involved a balcony, a chaise lounge, and acrobatics. To the best of my memory, the stage directions involved Cherie hanging off one end of the chaise, with Shane crawling on top of her from the opposite direction. At some point, they were to contort into pretzel shapes, and the grand finale would have them both in a Cirque du Soleil position for the whole neighborhood to see. If anyone tried this at home, they would be arrested for public indecency, land in urgent care, or both. Thankfully, I never had to plead my case because our director for that episode, Kimberly Peirce, had already flagged it. She didn’t want to change the structure of the characters’ dynamics, she only wanted to make them as realistic as possible. So Kim and Ilene made the executive decision to lose the chaise lounge and use the pool and a strap-on instead.
Now it started with Cherie having to seduce Shane from the front door and lead her all the way into the pool. We would be filming all night on a chilly Friday at a private mansion on Kits Beach, and Kim knew we had to be as uninhibited as possible. She got us a bottle of liquid courage to relax any nerves and to stay warm. Kim and I had a glass and Rosanna may have had two. Love scenes in general always have a level of anticipation prior to filming them, regardless of who they’re with, and this particular one included props, cold water, and wide voyeuristic shots that didn’t hide much.
The whole time Rosanna was leading me to the pool, our objective was guiding each other as gracefully as we could so neither of us would trip or, in Rosanna’s case, fall backward in the dark. We couldn’t help but laugh at ourselves over how unsexy and unromantic it actually was.
When it came to the strap-on, Kim liked the idea of Shane showing up at Cherie’s “packing,” since it would save time and feel uninhibited. My brain immediately went to the logistics: Did she swing by her house first to grab it? Does she keep it in the glove compartment? I’m wearing tight wool pants with no stretch, so how does it fit?
“It doesn’t matter, Kate,” Kim said. “It’s television.”
“Okay, so how does this all work?” Rosanna asked. She hadn’t gotten to this chapter in the lesbian book of life. So, Kim, in her forthright manner, explained strap-on sex to her in detail, like a math tutor explaining long division. I watched Rosanna hang on her every word and nod along to what Kim was saying, while trying to understand. Right on cue, the props department arrived and presented the main attraction on a dessert tray like we were at a French restaurant. It took Rosanna one look for everything to click. By the end of that night Rosanna couldn’t help but say, “Now I get it. I totally get it now!”
I don’t know if that level of rawness would’ve come from anyone other than Kim. It all stemmed from her directness and unabashed honesty. Kim made what could have been a grueling and vulnerable evening into an incredibly comfortable and creative environment. We always said our show had the spirit of an indie film. We would discover things on the day that no one had thought of and live in the moment of what we had to do with the resources we had. Everyone’s objective was to approach the work with honesty and integrity regardless of how outlandish certain scenarios or characters got. Our ideas came out on the fly in the most trustworthy, protective environment.
Leisha Hailey
One of my favorite scenes is when Alice is shack-led in a dungeon by a vampire named Uta Refson (Nosferatu back-ward). Handcuffs and fangs? Fun! You’re seeing me topless and tied to iron rings, but Alice is in on the joke. She knew it was ridiculous but was into it because it was about self-exploration. Alice’s sense of adventure was one of my favorite qualities to delve into. I liked the idea of her dating Uta, though if that relationship had lasted more than one night, Alice would have had a hard time going for strolls on the beach in sunny Los Angeles, just saying.
The sex stakes were never higher than in “Labyrinth,” in season 2, when Dana and Alice finally hook up. Erin and I met with the director Burr Steers multiple times to conceptualize and develop the different scenarios we thought these characters would be in on that long-anticipated evening. Erin and I knew that after all the buildup the release had to be over the top. We decided to reference famous sex scenes from movies like 91⁄2 Weeks to show that gays can do that too. We also decided Dana and Alice would be into role-playing. They were so in love that they yearned to be with each other in every scenario possible. Burr was so sweet and open to all our ideas. We walked around the apartment picking out every spot Dana and Alice could find themselves entangled. Production got the rights to the song “Finally” by CeCe Peniston, so we had the perfect score for this epic score.
Later on, imagine my reaction upon finding out I’d be having sex with Cybill Shepherd. This absolute icon plays Phyllis Kroll, a woman who realizes she has been repressing her sexuality her whole life. Alice becomes her obsession and is basically her gateway drug to a life of freedom. Cybill was excited because in her long, expansive career, she had never done a love scene with a woman. I was happy to be the actress for the job. I’ll never forget the day we shot the scene in bed; she pushed me down and something came over me. I drew my hand back and slapped Cybill Shepherd’s butt so hard she screamed, “What are you doing to me!?” followed by a string of expletives. I stayed connected in the scene but was dying inside. When the cameras cut, we lay there laughing about it.
When it came to sex scenes with Tasha, played by the spellbinding Rose Rollins, the two of us were really interested in exploring her and Alice’s masc/femme dynamic. Working closely with our extraordinary costume designer, Cynthia, we decided Alice would start wearing dresses around Tasha and playing into the stereotypes of hetero women. Tasha leaned into the butch role, riding a motorcycle and becoming an officer in the military. She had a quiet strength that could stop a girl in her tracks. Rose and I would take tropes or scenes we’ve all seen a billion times in the straight world and mimic them. We shot scenes where she picked me up at the waist and I’d straddle her hips before she threw me on a table, or I’d run across the room and jump into her arms when she came home on leave from overseas dressed in uniform. It was our way of subverting expectation, showing that lesbians are different kinds of people with their own relationship dynamics, even in the bedroom.
Tasha and Alice have one sex scene that is so perfectly L Word. They’ve just come back from dinner and are having a fight about the war in Iraq . . . because nothing screams hot girl-on-girl action like a debate about foreign oil.
TASHA: Oh, come on Alice. Stop frontin’, okay? That’s your world. You were right in there with them with all their kneejerk liberal bullshit.
ALICE: Yeah, but, that’s America. That’s supposedly what you’re fighting for, it’s a little thing called “freedom of speech,” remember?
The fight culminates:
TASHA: You know, some of the people are in the military because they want to serve their country. Okay? We believe in what we stand for. I’m sorry if we don’t live our lives wearing trendy fake-ass raggedy T-shirts that scream out bullshit about why we kill people.
ALICE: You think it’s trendy to not want to kill people?
TASHA: The soldiers that I served with don’t want to kill people. Like, what the fuck? You think I want to kill people?
ALICE: Well, why are you there?
TASHA: The question is, “Why the fuck am I here?”
ALICE: Because we want to fuck each other!
And fuck each other they do . . . on the desk, in the bedroom, against a wall. Tasha rides Alice, Alice licks Tasha’s crack, Tasha tastes Alice’s toes. It’s the kind of sex-a-thon that could only be inspired by war foreplay. Ha! Warplay!
From SO GAY FOR YOU: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show that Started it All, by Leisha
Hailey & Kate Moennig. Copyright © 2025 by the authors, and reprinted with permission of St. Martin’s Publishing Group.
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wow, i had no idea that they had so much input in the sex scenes. but that’s so cool. can’t wait for my copy to arrive!