“Some days, I really just needed to curl up in a cozy plaid jacket and have all the homo feelings.”
You want to touch them, smell them and, if you’re me, bite their ear. Why don’t the forces of geography and physics rally to both your cries and fold the world up like origami until the front doors of your homes kiss?
Where to go and what to do when you want to ditch that vibrator and find a good helping hand.
Fortunately, people DO come with a user manual, you just have to verbally speak it into existence.
“Apologies to the chica who had to endure a reenactment of my favorite scene from Glitter.”
As predictable as the seasons themselves, it’s the start of the Annual Dyke Moving Season! Hoooraaaay!
Welcome to the most in-depth amazing massive guide to queer-girl star-sign compatibility anywhere in the entire universe. “What’s your sign?” is a totally valid pick-up line, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
Okay ladies, let’s stop right here and get our game together.
“Help! I just got a strap-on and it turns out I’m not so skilled at using it (yet). How do I learn?”
Sometimes you have to break up with someone to save yourself, no matter what time of the year.
“The internet is full of weirdos, and currently when you list yourself as bisexual you’re essentially signing yourself up to meet twice as many of those weirdos.”
“Why do I still feel the need to give her the weird side-eye and awkwardly laugh when people ask how we met?”
“If you’re reading this and are currently in love with a tiny place that hasn’t loved you back yet, I want you to know that this is okay.”
I wrote a letter to myself about over thinking in a relationship. Maybe I wrote this letter to you as well.
The thing about being publicly humiliated by someone you care about is that it occurs similarly to slight of hand magic. Here it is, right in the open, right in front of everyone’s face and yet, no one is sure of what exactly has happened.
19. Brownie batter
There is no right or wrong way to be in a long-distance relationship — maybe you thrive on independence or maybe you just need cuddles at night. Here are some of my protips on how to make it work and when to know that it’s over.
Why does this shit always happen to me?
“The further away I got, the clearer it became. She had been my first serious girlfriend after a succession of boyfriends, and I was more in love than I had ever been before. But the relationship stretched and accommodated behavior I likely would have never taken from a man.”
Sometimes you just want a role model.