I love how pop songs seem profound
when we’re in love,
though they wound us too sweetly,
never seriously enough.
I love the good home
cliches can find in an authentic voice.
– Stephen Dunn, “Loves”
Someone who’d just spent an entire day reading my blog in order to create this situation for my 30th birthday reminded me of this post which contained a Valentine’s Day themed playlist I wrote on February 14th 2008, which honestly is really a fucking bizarre time to have constructed a playlist like this. But it also makes perfect sense, as I’d kinda accidentally acquired two girlfriend-type things that winter so clearly if anyone had lots of love to give, it was me. It became a really beautiful spring then, afterwards, and summer.
What about now? My heart knows exactly where it is now but I still don’t have this vocabulary. I know the words for darkness and feeling ambivalent about death and for wanting something so badly that I had to shut down every feeling I’ve ever known just to keep breathing without it. For when waking up felt like walking into traffic, for loving something I kept on eating knowing full well that it was already scaling the walls of my liver/soul, marking its territory. I know the words for loving something that, by all accounts, seemed to hate me. I know the words for not needing love at all.
But for this? For falling in love and wanting to scream about it? It seems like anything that could ever be said about love has already been said.
Love is just simple, ultimately, isn’t it? Dark is a problem and it’s complicated but maybe part of what makes love so fucking awesome is how simple it is. It’s easy once you have it. Like heartbreak is an overflowing storage closet and love is just a really fucking sunny day. Simple as that, though often deeper and fuller than dark will ever go.
If I had this vocabulary, dear reader, I would’ve told you about it already.
Instead, we have music.
[this list was made in 2008, but i added a few more recent tracks to it for this post]
Love Song- The Cure
It’s Good To Be In Love – Frou Frou
Baby You Got Me -The Roots
Always On My Mind (2003 – Remaster) – Pet Shop Boys
Underwater – Tegan & Sara
I Want to Hold Your Hand – The Beatles
Might Tell You Tonight – The Scissor Sisters
Late At Night – Buffalo Tom
L.O.V.E. – Jessie J
This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) – Natalie Cole
Tonight – Stars
Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
From The Morning – Nick Drake
Parentheses – The Blow
First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes
Goodnight and Go – Imogen Heap
Little Wing – Jimi Hendrix
Songbird (Glee Cast Version) – Glee Cast
Green Eyes – Coldplay
Maybe I’m Amazed- Paul McCartney
On & On – Erykah Badu