Welcome to Two Lesbians Rank, part of Horror Is So Gay: Part V. Drew Burnett Gregory and Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya are ranking slashers throughout the month of October. This week, Kayla introduces our Texas Chainsaw Massacre list.
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of the greatest horror movies of all time, and it has spawned some of the worst horror movies of all time. And I don’t just mean some of the following movies in the franchise; the 1974 Tobe Hooper film influenced innumerable copycats through the decades, with far too many filmmakers mistaking the film’s simplicity as easily replicable. But for all its simplicity, Texas Chainsaw Massacre had a distinct sense of style.
We can’t, of course, really blame a film for the cheap imitations it inspires, but this portion of our slasher project really complicated my relationship to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which on some days I do think would be in my Letterboxd top four. The gap between the original and its subsequent films is perhaps the biggest of any horror franchise. Yes, the original film is brutal, and brutality seems to be the general thread throughout this franchise and other films that revel in Texas Chainsaw pastiche, but the feats of filmmaking accomplished in the first are less about violence and gore and more about the subtle dread and tension created by light, by shadows, and by sound (including silence).
I love Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But I hate much of the canon it begets. And even though I did love the wild 1986 sequel and had the privilege of seeing it on the big screen with a bunch of horror freaks this year, I don’t think this one should have ever become a franchise. Attempts to add backstory and context to Leatherface and his cannibalistic family only emphasize the classist, “look at these disgusting hillbillies” undertones that are easier to overlook in the original because there isn’t any attempt to explain why everything is happening. Often the scariest horror movies are the ones that immerse you in fear without overt context, forcing you to fill in the blanks for yourself.
9. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
The 2000s were an apt time to relaunch Texas Chainsaw Massacre since America was once again sending its young far away to kill innocent people. This sequel to the remake makes that connection more explicit while somehow spinning the message to be… draft-dodging is bad? Real men are soldiers? Go war? It also retcons the one good aspect of its predecessor—evil sheriff—by giving us the backstory that he’s not a real sheriff. If only the film’s fascist leanings were its main problem. This is the worst kind of prequel where its only interest seems to be referencing (and over-explaining) the previous film. A great movie if you don’t care about characters or craft and just want to know how Leatherface chose a chainsaw and the not-sheriff lost his teeth. – D
8. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
There’s a difference between stating contemporary issues and using those issues to make a good movie. The latest attempt to reboot this franchise references mass shootings, gentrification, confederate flags, racist police stops, and, in its worst moment, cancellation. But it lacks perspective on these topics and wastes the potential of each. Despite some decent characters and good kills, this is an easy movie to hate. Its self-importance removes any fun while its painful writing prevents any depth. The most annoying kind of bad movie because with a few changes (major changes) it could actually have been good. – D
7. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Made by the same director as the Friday the 13th remake I also did not enjoy, this post-9/11 reinvention of Texas Chainsaw Massacre really leaned into the “talking to strangers will get you killed” aspect of the premise and offered nothing new in terms of style or substance. I feel like too many horror remakes are made without any vision at all, and this is a prime example of that. – KKU
6. Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
The only circumstances in which I would rewatch this one would be if it ever got a 3D re-release in theaters, because I am indeed a sucker for 3D horror. I do think there was perhaps some vision here and it’s trying to do more than just crib the existing formula, but unfortunately those swings do not really amount to much. It views like an almost-good movie if you watch it immediately following The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, like I did, because TCM: The Beginning is easily one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen, but a film shouldn’t have to rely on juxtaposition with dogshit to stand out. – KKU
5. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
The first film in the franchise without Tobe Hooper falters without his singular vision. It has the out-of-towners driving into danger, the stereotypical Texan characters, the family of cannibals, and good ol’ Leatherface. But it’s an imitation of the first two films without any of the craft or coherence. Its one redeeming quality is Ken Foree who is a lot of fun as he goes full action hero. This is the rare slasher that lets a Black character be heroic and live, and that subversion is worth celebrating in an otherwise lackluster movie. – D
4. Leatherface (2017)
While the idea of a Leatherface origin story remains misguided, this attempt from New French Extremity directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo is definitely the better of the two. Many of these films have stumbled when they try to move away from the pure evil villainy of the original films. But what works here is Leatherface is a product of psychiatric torture, law enforcement, and his abusive family. The violence isn’t justified or minimized, it’s just spread. Add some gnarly gore and this ends up being the best of the bad 21st century attempts to revive this franchise. – D
3. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)
This is a bizarre movie, maybe it’s even a bad one, but it’s not boring! What begins at prom like a conventional slasher devolves into expected chainsaw chaos, cross-dressing Leatherface, and an illuminati-like conspiracy. Original screenwriter Kim Henkel, here as writer and director, carries over the same feeling of brutal, contradictory truth present in the first two films. Oscillating between sharp commentary and empty exploitation, it consistently provides a lot to think about. It helps that Renée Zellweger is a great final girl and Matthew McConaughey is a great Matthew McConaughey. Zellweger’s character is queer-coded making this one of many horror films I like as a lesbian and hate as a transsexual. – D
2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Welcome to the 80s! Life is an amusement park and underneath is horrible rot! Tobe Hooper returned for this sequel that’s so much bigger than the gritty original it borders on parody. It’s a fitting horrorshow for the time it was made, with insufferable rich boys, a cool girl DJ, and former counterculture figure Dennis Hopper now playing a vengeful ex-cop. This is a disgusting, exhausting movie. It also feels honest. Maybe the scariest Leatherface was Ronald Reagan. – D
1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Here it is! The gritty, ghastly masterpiece that inspired so much mediocre horror. I could go long on any number of the technical details that make this film work so well (again, lighting and sound-wise, it’s one of my favorite works of horror), but I’ll stick to this: The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre makes the most use of its setting, the desolate and sun-drenched rural Texas land haunting and beautiful. This film gets talked about a lot in terms of its brutality, but there’s surprising beauty here, too, found largely in the landscape and in the yellowy hues of the coloring. Nightfall brings impeccable shadow work, and of all the horror houses where horrible things happen, this estate might just be the one most seared in my memories. – KKU
