Pretty Little Liars Recap 503: Coincidences Happen

Why hello there and welcome to the hour a week we suspend disbelief and go on a campy little ride through a town in Pennsylvania where no one ever tells the truth or wears a coat! Let’s jump right in, shall we?


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Ali is feelin’ the feels.

Ali has been unable to get out of bed since she found out her mother is dead. She needs some intense self-care. I’d recommend journaling but you know that shit would turn bad fast once A got ahold of it.

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Guys. Guys, hear me out. We need to get a kiddie pool and fill it with pasta and then wear bik–Hanna, why are you looking so skeptical already? I’m not even done explaining it yet!

While Ali gets ready for Mrs. D’s funeral, the other girls wait downstairs.

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I know it’s eight am, Jase, but they do this on Mad Men like all the time, it’s fine.

Jason and Mr. D argue about police and reporters. So this seems to be going well.

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I’m appalled you think I did something maliciously on purpose.

Ali comes downstairs in the same dress her mother wore to her funeral and oh gosh, Mr. D flies off the handle.

coincidences_happen

via tumblr

Emily thinks that Ali wearing the dress is just a coincidence but Spencer seems to be right on the money by suggesting that Ali knew what she was doing.

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via tumblr

I’m with Spence. Alison knows everything that she does. She’s the most calculating person on the show, hands down.


 

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I’m no body language expert but I suspect they’re lying.

After the funeral, the Liars are at school, being lectured by the principal. He’s telling them that he’s trying to keep the press away, but that they have to stay out of the public eye. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha ahhhhh, jokes. That’s cute he thinks that will happen.

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We KNOW you prefer Diva Cups, Spencer, but you don’t have to talk to us about how our tampons are bleaching our goddamn vaginas like EVERY time I ask you for an OB.

The Liars discuss how to get the word out that Ali wasn’t kidnapped, but they need to know that Ezra or Mona won’t say anything first.

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Fuck that. Get well NOW.

Right on cue, Mona shows up with a Get Well card for Aria to sign for Mr. Fitz. Pssh. Aria learns from Mona that Ezra is back in Rosewood. You know, without telling her. That’s cool, bro.

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HEY EM I MADE YOU A MIXTAPE ABOUT MY FEELINGS IT HAS A LOT OF B-SIDE RILO KILEY AND OLD SCHOOL BRAND NEW BUT I DON’T REEEEALLY HOPE YOU DIE IN A PLANE CRASH ON YOUR WAY TO ENGLAND JSYK.

Elsewhere in those hallowed hallways, Paige and Emily run into one another while Emily is being stalked by a super creepy girl. GIRL PROBS amirite? Basically nothing is worse than running into your ex in a public space where you can’t run away. Paige is definitely still holding a torch for Em, but it doesn’t seem like the feeling is mutual. And can you blame them? My money is on Emily and Alison hooking up this season. Turns out the creepy stalker girl is actually just Emily’s number one fan like, ever, and wants Emily to coach her.

HOW I'M FEELIN' ABOUT SYDNEY via Teen Girl Squad

HOW I’M FEELIN’ ABOUT SYDNEY
via Teen Girl Squad


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If they didn’t want me watching, they’d get thicker curtains. It’s basically just an invite at this point.

Later that night, Melissa finds Spencer watching the DiLaurentis’ house out of her window. Neither of them trusts the other one, that’s for sure. But it’s clear that Melissa really wants to tell Spencer what is going on. She tells Spence not to trust any of the DiLaurentis…es. DiLaurenti. DiLaurentiss. She tells them not to trust any of those people.

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If only you knew how mean she really is… You know that I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoop earrings were her thing and I wasn’t allowed to wear them anymore.

Hanna goes with Ali to the funeral home to pick up the guest book from Mrs. D’s viewing. Ali sees a painting and leaves the room, which is super weird? The funeral director mistakes Hanna for Ali, and Ali makes a snarky remark about how it used to be easier to tell the two of them apart.

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Yeah, Hanna, friends totally just hang out in their bras admiring their bodies together in the mirror, it’s soooo normal.

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And friends also hold hands like this while fans blow their hair back, Han. It’s fine. I’ll teach you.

We get a lot of flashbacks with Mona in this episode, where we realize that Mona turned Hanna into Ali. She makes Hanna wear Ali’s clothes, lose weight, dye her hair… It’s creepy to watch, honestly, but also in a way, you can tell exactly what bonded them together. It’s almost sad to watch them get so close and have it only be one of Mona’s games.


Oh sorry were you having an emotional moment? Let’s have a strange one, instead!

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Gotta be honest, Dad, you’re a total creeper right now and I’m like a master creeper with all my window staring so I would know.

Mr. Hastings wants to sell the house! Spencer is obviously annoyed by this idea, because then how would she stare out her window at Alison’s window all night long?


 

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Oh hey, Aria, did you see my cane? Someone shot me. Did you know someone shot me? Let me talk about how someone shot me and let you feel guilty.

Aria goes to see Fitz under the guise of giving him the Get Well card. She hints around the idea that she’s worried he’ll tell on Alison, but he seems pretty tight-lipped. Honestly, this is the guy who kept a preeeeetty big secret for years, so. He’s now worried that Shana is still on the hunt for them, and Aria’s like “Oh yeah… about that… uhhhhh….” but doesn’t say anything. A less than thrilling meeting.

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Hansen is the DIY & Food Editor of Autostraddle.com and likes to spend most days making and cooking and writing. She is an MFA candidate in Creative Writing at Colorado State University in her free time.

Hansen has written 186 articles for us.

21 Comments

      • Thumb up 2

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        That scene in the car was making me squeal in anticipation then disappointment. I was convinced either Hanna was going to come out or be like “I think Mona’s been in love with me this whole time.”

        However, dressing Hanna up as Ali is a good reflection of Mona being obsessed with Ali, too. Both work.

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          Exactly. It’s like Ali role play, or something. No matter what, Mona is definitely queer, bisexual, sexually fluid, label-less, not hetero. Like, I refuse to accept otherwise.

          And I do think all trouble in Rosewood will continue to revolve around dyke drama, and I’m mostly okay with it.

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          Everything about the flashbacks with Mona converting Hanna and then having Hanna bring it up with Emily around “coming out” (plus all the other “Mona is uncomfortably obsessed with Hanna/Ali” moments from past episodes) – it’s way too deliberate to be an accident, so I’m convinced that Mona’s sapphism is canon.

  1. Thumb up 4

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    Paige didn’t really get super jealous in my opinion. Just protective of her girl, just like Toby and Caleb have been. I mean Ali is the bully who drove her to self harm and thoughts of suicide and the fact that her GIRLFRIEND is more concerned with Ali’s feelings would be a awful blow to anyone. That said, I still have a lot of hope for their relationship down the road, but Emily needs to take the blinders off for real.

    Oh and about this line Hansen, “Do they have queer writers yet?” They have the showrunner Marlene King who is gay, but more relevant to this episode, they have Joseph Dougherty who is an executive producer, writer and director on the show and he wrote this episode. He’s an amazing ally and one of the biggest supporters of Paige and Emily’s relationship. He even writes AU fanfiction for them in his spare time on Kindle Worlds! How many other shows can say the same of their writers? LOL

    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_p_lbr_one_browse-bin_0?rh=n%3A133140011%2Cn%3A%21133141011%2Cn%3A6118587011%2Cp_lbr_fan_fiction_universes_browse-bin%3APretty+Little+Liars%2Cp_lbr_one_browse-bin%3AJoseph+Dougherty&bbn=6118587011&ie=UTF8&qid=1403896761&rnid=2272759011&lo=digital-text

      • Thumb up 4

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        Yeah, Marlene doesn’t get nearly as much credit for being a succesful lesbian in hollywood as some people do. And I am pretty sure that her being gay is a big reason why this show has avoided so many of the tropes and cliches other TV shows with queer women routinely have. Marlene has no patience for that crap. LOL Also why it has had more queer women over the past five years than any other show on US TV in that time.

    • Thumb up 0

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      Loved this recap. I have hope for Emily&Paige as I have liked them from the start . I know it’s crazy but I also like Emison so I would also be stoked if they went a bit down that route. And Hanna and Mona this episode had me freaking out because they sure made it sound a certain way lol. I wonder what they have in store for next week?

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      oh my god i had to pause and rewind to fully process and then when i realized it was not actually headed in that direction i may have yelled at my laptop for a bit. if hanna doesn’t come back with an alternative lifestyle haircut I’m going to be so disappointed though.

  2. Thumb up 1

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    It is unfair in some sense because paige broke ONE promise to emily and it turned out to be the most unforgivable criminal offense while every other love interest has done much worse like toby being A and ezra’s flirtatious background with alison.

    “she practiced what she was going to say” You’re not a human being if you have never done and felt this before.

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