OPEN THREAD: A Case of the Mondays

Feature Image Photography © jmberman1 2009

Wow, so, it’s Monday and everyone is SUPER cranky. Well, all of my friends (I have approximately three friends) are cranky. Also content is trickling in slowly today. Did you know that Rosie O’Donnell is marrying her hot new girlfriend? Well she is. That happened today, so it’s probably a pretty good day for Rosie O’Donnell. If you were to buy a calendar (or t-shirt!) today then it would be a happier day for me and for you and for the post office. Also, somebody found a new planet for us to live on after we destroy this one, which is good news for our unborn children who will probably be just as insane as we are.

“I think this day would have been improved if i had been run over by a truck at the beginning of it.”
- Rachel Kincaid, Senior Editor of Autostraddle.com

Anyhow, let’s just chat. What are you doing today? What are you having for dinner? Did you see or talk to any cute girls today? Is it cold where you live? Are you prevented from doing your laundry efficiently by a chatty neighbor you just can’t talk to because you are unnaturally averse to small talk? SPILL IT.

Do you know about Brenda Ann Spencer, this total psychopath who went on a shooting spree at an elementary school and when asked why she did it, said “I don’t like Mondays”? That’s fucked up, right?

If you say something really devastatingly amazing and you get like 10,000 +1 votes on your comment, I’ll mail you some stickers, maybe.

Avatar of Riese

Riese is the 32-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1742 articles for us.

272 Comments

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    I am okay, I guess. Thanks for asking! I am excited to go grocery shopping for me & my roommate. Also, today me & the girls were reading “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” by Sherman Alexie, and they were curled up on each other on the carpet & we snuggled & read. I love teaching at an all girls’ school. Sometimes I want to slam heads but then sometimes it is so magical.

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          Possibly – if crying every day after school doesn’t disqualify me from being “mighty.”

          It’s just my first year, though.

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          You will stop crying after your first year…

          …but if you’re anything like me (in my 6th year of teaching, 5th straight with 9th graders), you will continue to take things personally when you really shouldn’t and beat yourself up for your under-achieving students and their insane behavioral problems that stem from outside sources that you have no control over, and apparently they don’t either. And you’ll have a lot of moments where you think, sometimes out loud, “Really? This is the life I chose for myself?” but then there are the little sparkles of “Oh right… THAT’S why I do this” and hopefully, I really do hope for you, your sparkles are more frequent or at least more brilliant than all the other shit-tastic moments that make you want to disappear and evanesce into a life better suited for what your dreams are truly made of.

          I wish there was a pill for that.

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    Thanks for this! I am feeling worried, very worried. I graduate college in two weeks and have zero job hits. I have to leave my parents’ house soon, I am all over the net, looking for something, anything. I have $300 coming to me from the rest of my scholarship check, but beyond that I do not know where my next dime is coming from. It is extremely scary and frustrating, when I should be celebrating.

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    It’s 8:35am on Tuesday here in Australia and it’s raining and cold even though it’s summer. I’ve spent the last hour writing about lesbian romance novels and wondering whether everyone would enjoy an image gallery of Det. Kate Beckett as much as I would. In other news I’m sleepy because last night I went to see the latest Twilight movie, it was 6+ hours long and really fucking awful, even by twilight standards. I guess I’m still a little sad about that.

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    Now it’s official that nothing good can happen, I feel validated in the decision I made half an hour ago not to bother going outside today.

    The downside of this is that I have only bottom-rung ramen left. The upside is that I won’t dirty any more clothes by hanging around in bedwear all day, which I think will save the environment, yes?

    Random question: is anyone going to Las Vegas in the next couple of months, and would like a $9.26 cashout voucher for the Luxor that I just found in my bag?

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    I would say “I don’t like to brag” but actually, I love to brag. Also I had today off work and I spent it baking and reading and mending my bicycle and I chased it all down with a metric fuckload of tea. Tomorrow I get to go to the seaside* with my boss for ‘work’. SORRY GIRLS.

    *admittedly this is the south coast of England.

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    My girlfriend recently moved away to do some in-state tuition schoolin’ back in her home state of Illinois, which is lame for all of those reasons that cross-country love can be lame (you quickly miss walks to get coffee in the evenings, hiking kisses, and drinking the “expensive” $4 wine from TJ’s while you make dinner together). However, I’m headed out there for a week starting on Friday, so getting through this particularly shitty Monday (and man, it is so very shitty) means that I get smooches and snow and a road-trip to Wisconsin to eat cheese curds in a few short days.

    I feel like envisioning future smooches and cheese curds is a really effective coping technique for Mondays in general.

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    It’s rainy in Toronto. I’m PMS-y. Finished my Christmas shopping, got some eggnog-flavoured frozen yogurt at the mall, soup at Whole Foods, finished my dinner, and now eating a chocolate bar I don’t need. But hey, it’s payday tomorrow, huzzah.

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      ohmygod, what is with the german queergirls? my long-distance-poly girlfriend lives in germany and so does the lezzie clarinet teacher who ran away from me and my black tube of death. i think this is A Thing.
      also i have a cute-kid conversation that will brighten your day, overheard between my fifth graders:

      A: ooh, jordan invited m to his tree-trimming party!
      M: shut up. i’m sure it’s not just me.
      R: *i* didn’t get invited, and look it [the color of the writing on the invitation]‘s purple! purple is the color of loooove.
      A: it is! if this were electronic i bet it would be like *sings* “here comes the bride…”
      M: i don’t even trim trees!

      i then semi-texted my aforementioned girlfriend (that’s what I call that apple messaging service that they have on ipads/phones/touches) this conversation and she said “aww, poor m. i hope she grows up to be queer so she can lul at the boys too”.

      ALSO: i’m wondering how i can find a way to integrate “don’t be mean to people who are different/queers” into my time there–i’m only there for 2 months as an intern. any ideas?

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      wow i totally just submitted this to the wrong thing (obviously, it was a response to something that involved german queergirls) but you know what? how many fucks i give=0xinfinity.

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    I’m listening to the Harry Potter Book 4 as an Audiobook read by Stephen Fry and even though I know every word from the book, I can’t stop listening to it! This is to distract me from how shit today (and the last few weeks) have in fact been – and it’s workinnnng!

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    After all weekend spent thinking about my girlfriend I have returned to work and have to think about work, which is less fun. Also I thought I had a few months before my student loans kicked in but actually they kicked in this month, so I have to start thinking about those and also paying them. Also I have consumed too much chocolate so I am jittery. It is gray but it doesn’t seem like it will rain on me on my way home, which is good because I forgot my umbrella today. So not the worst Monday in the world but not the best.

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      Okay so turns I AM supposed to have a few more months before paying back my loans kicks in, so they sure as hell shouldn’t be counting as “delinquent” right now, and also apparently today’s a pretty crappy Monday after all.

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    MONDAY:

    What am I doing today? What have I done? My day started with a unicorn up my ass.

    I woke up happy/cranky — surprised that I had energy with the little sleep I had gotten and not looking forward to going to Photoshop class (an okay class, but homework & class can suck ass hard when you only do it to defer your student loans).

    My bike ride was amazing, I was jamming to some Mark Ronson and when I arrived to class I saw people walking out with smiles and good vibes. Our professor was sick.

    The knome up my ass turned into a glittery unicorn. And my imaginary friends were dancing with me as I biked over to Startbucks, got myself a quad shot venti iced vanilla latte and read the 1st 3 chapters of a pretty sick lesbian novel that I’m going to review in a couple weeks for EDGE Boston.

    I had a nice bike ride home, some delicious breakfast a la meat/eggs & a savory nap. Sleep seduced me like I hope Evan Rachel Wood will one day.

    For the rest of my day?

    I’m going to save the world, fly to the moon, dance like there’s no tomorrow & all while getting my laundry done. I’ll throw on my fairy wings and kick back like a super hero.

    On a more grounded level, (I may wear fairy wings, bunny ears, a wizard hat, or other fun things that cheer up my home-wardrobe workdays) but I’ll realistically be doing laundry, getting in some Curve writing, helping my mom turn in an application to get into a writing support group, working on the re-launch of the Love Warrior Community, a community that revolves around self-love & body acceptance, help out some lesbians achieve a passion project they’re working on and If I can pull myself away from work at the end of the night — then I may go out dancing with some friends I haven’t seen in while.

    P.S. @Meghan — I want to be in NYC. New York here I come!!!!! … maybe in March.

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    Bleh. It’s cold outside for Austin, just over 40 degrees. I’ve been in my apartment all day with no heat, cuddled up on the couch wearing multiple layers. I’m considering putting on a hat and gloves. Which is pathetic.

    Now I have no water either. *sigh* If the electricity goes out, I’ll be 3 for 3.

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    for me , today thoroughly sucks. my whole family thought that my uncle, who is dying of aids and related complications in a v.a. hospital in oklahoma, wasn’t going to survive the night. he did survive the night, but is suffering and in a lot of pain. my grandparents are driving to oklahoma to hopefully see him before he dies and get everything straightened out with his partner doug before they run out of money and have to drive back home to new jersey to bury their fifth child. and everything else that didnt go right seems insignifigant compared to that, so thats about it.

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      Wow, this is so awful. I’m really, really sorry that this is happening to your family. I know how devastating something like this is for everyone (my aunt had a long and extremely painful battle with cancer before she eventually died a few years back) and I really hope you and your family have a good support system for each other and/or with friends. *hugs*

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      Hi Steffi, I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to your uncle, you and your family. Every loss is different and I don’t want to patronise you by saying I understand what you are going through. But I’ve seen loved ones die slowly and I’ve seen the pressure death can put on a family and I have some idea of how difficult things must be for you. Wishing hard that the love you and your family have for each other keeps you going through this difficult time.

      I know I am just some random person, but if you ever need a random person to talk to, please do shoot me a message through the Autostraddle messaging system.

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    If anyone saw a soaking wet lesbo (because she obviously forgot her rainbow umbrella) in a bow tie walking around campus with her jeans rolled up and barefoot because her flip flops suddenly broke…

    Yeah that was me.

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    I’m working today (clearly). Really hard too (clearly). Dinner? No idea. Hopefully something exciting and adventurous and sexy like, I don’t know, NOT ramen. I did not, at all, talk to any cute girls today, unless my cat counts. Hmm… what if my cat could count… like on her paws… Bahhaaa. Er. Tangent. Yes, it’s cold cold cold in Denver. Snowy snows alllll ova the place. I refuse to invest in big ugly ground-gripping snow boots and I have the bruises on my cold icy ass to prove it. And yes, I am absolutely prevented from doing my laundry efficiently due to the fact that I never do my laundry. Happy Mundane. I mean Monday.

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    It’s cold in Las Vegas, but at least it isn’t too windy today, because the wind never blows the same way my hair is parted, and then I look like a hot mess. I got a test back with a 54%, only confirming that I am terrible at math. It’s okay though, because my professor says I’ll pass the class with a C if I get at least a 75 on the midterm. This shirt is too low cut and my boobs are all out in the open air. I found out I’m taking journalism 101 and 102 on the same days next semester. I talked to a cute girl today. I get paid tomorrow.

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    i have to finish a bunch of overdue assignments, most of which are for women’s studies, ironically enough. (if someone here can help me with them i will love you forever and ever) also, need to finish a community service placement and i’m not sure how many hours i even have left (…i think it’s something reasonable like 3 or 6 but i just do not feel like i can be around high school kids right now)

    i’m also breaking out like crazy and on the verge of having a panic attack. just took a xanax and waiting for it to kick in.

    oh yeah, and i start finals on wednesday! whiskey kitteh is very relevant to my interests right now.

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    Bad News: I have a homework, project, and about 75 pages to read for my earthquake engineering class and am really really far behind on my thesis work. I am also having all sorts of familial issues right now which made me have nightmares last night.

    Good News: I am a huge nerd and find both earthquake engineering and my thesis work very interesting. And despite it being super cold here, it is sunny and actually quite pretty outside.

    Hell, just remember that no problem is insoluble given a big enough plastic bag!

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    im unemployed and cant seem to get an interview anywhere so it hardly matters that its a monday. i never thought it would be as depressing as it is to see the work week start without you. i have an advanced degree…and student loans…and no insurance. total bummer. all i want for christmas is a do-over. i would get a degree in accounting instead of anthropology like my parents told me to and i would have a cushy savings account and flex spending rather than an extra twenty pounds and an anxiety condition.

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        aw thanks for your sympathy : ) i am looking for a teaching position or something related to my field. i quit my restaurant job after i earned my degree five months ago and moved to a different city in hopes of starting over, getting a job, becoming an adult, etc…and nothing is working out. sometimes it just like that though. im just lonely, its cold, im broke, and i am afraid to leave my house because what if i get hit by a bus?? then i am fucked (no insurance). i have retail/wait staff experience so i wont starve or anything. i just want to be an adult already!! i want a real job! stay in school, kids but just dont expect a job at the end of the rainbow. LIES. ALL LIES.

        i hope everyone is doing ok with finals. one plus: at least i am not freaking out about end of term.

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          I hear ya lo, it’s really really hard to keep spirits up while unemployed. I’m facing that myself. and I think the holidays make it even harder because there’s people to buy presents for, you’re supposed to be happy, etc…I wish you luck! Keep your chin up.

          Maybe with your retail experience you could get some extra hours during the holiday shopping season at a dept. store or somewhere? Maybe you could do some retail/waitering and volunteer for an organization or something in your field, to keep your skills current and help you get some of those inside contacts? Maybe I’m not being helpful and you’ve already thought of these, but I just wanted to add some support and encouragement :)

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          An Anthro teaching job? I wonder if there are online teaching positions or adjunct teaching positions, maybe at a local junior college.

          Maybe you could pimp your skills as a tutor. Contact the teachers/professors in your field in nearby colleges and create flier/business cards to pass out. Or contact tutoring services at colleges to either be a referral or to get in on their team. Maybe you can create yourself a free or low-fee blog/site and start strutting tutoring services or set up an online anthro tutoring service.

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    I’m fed up…They call it LGBT, but it’s always all about the G. You can easily count the number of good quality, American made lesbian movies. Check out the lesbian content on the “LGBT” networks Here TV & LOGO. Every “LGBT” magazine, website etc. has a tiny fraction of offerings for anyone but the boys. The bars fall the same way. Every successful lesbian endeavor ends up with the boys taking over control. Just a few…Remember Planet out? I’m wondering how long After Ellen’s gonna last now. Latest loss is Power Up. I’m done supporting the boys with no return!

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    Well, I finished all my work before lunch at my day job, so I spent the afternoon stalking a cute girl I like on Facebook. Now I have an hour to kill before my night job starts, so I’m sitting in my car (waisting gas because it’s really fucking cold outside), reading the hunger games. My night job will probably be slow, because it is a Monday, so I have that to look forward to…

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    it’s late evening in Germany and I should go to sleep, but I won’t, because I can’t seem to come up with a first sentence to this blablachapter of my final thesis.

    also, because it feels a bit intellectual and because it tastes good I drank wine, again, and now I write stupid e-mails with my friends via facebook. still have to come up with an at least not shitty sentence which can be changed to something better later.

    also also, I forgot my goddamn key on my desk at university, called my professor and my colleague and have to go pick it up tomorrow. thank god for roommates. this only adds up to the stupid final thesis stuff I have done so far, like:
    - talking about my height and bra size while a professor enters the room
    - missing my flight to London because, well, I slept. I woke up 15 minutes before my gate closed and decided to just scream for the next few minutes.

    also also also I have still not managed to make up my mind about telling or not telling THE girl that she could be THE girl and that I have to tell, because I never ever notice if its reciprocal. you know. awkward stuff.

    also also also also, this is getting ridiculous, my internetmachine is not working properly, so when I finally can post this epic novel of a comment there will already be 100 comments exactly like this one. I found two “you do yo” stickers I had left yesterday, they will make awesome christmas gifts!

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      If a completely shitty sentence is OK and you just want stuff on the page, you could try writeordie.com. Saved my life a few times when I just needed to be writing instead of staring at a screen/re-reading articles highlighting quotes/adding more and more detail to my essay plan.

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        I found a sentence! in my brain!

        now I can write the first few sentences down, knowing what I want to write tomorrow (and start writing the shit out of the first pages starting tomorrow morning), go to bed and watch star trek.

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    Woke up at 7am cuz my gf was going to work, then couldn’t fall back to sleep. then slowly got ready for an open call interview at this bar near my house and dawdled and was late and they already closed the doors and i decided that i totally subconsciously screwed myself over on purpose because something inside of me felt extremely aversive to bartending at a place known for particularly douchey straight guys situated in the heart of west hollywood. it just felt…wrong, i dunno.

    now i’m off to the library to work on this high school curriculum that i’m building and be amused by watching all the boys there pretending to study while secretly checking grindr every five seconds. i hear the weho library is quite the cruising spot.

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    It’s actually Tuesday here but whatever, I need this thread anyway because my job is ruining my confidence. They keep asking me to do things that would take other people in the organisation a quarter of the time, and then I do them really badly and other people have to correct them. I have never been so shitty at a professional task before and it is stressing me out in a major, major way, as well as infuriating me because *they could just do it themselves* and it would take an hour. When I do it it takes me all day and then other people have to check it over. fffffffff.

    Plus, I’m starting to hit that point in having been single where I’m like, yep, I would really like to date again but the ladies are not exactly coming out of the woodwork.

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    Today, I was awoken at 7 in the morning by the sound of my roommate dropping my laptop. After I managed to suppress my anger and fall back asleep, I was awoken at 8 by the sound of clanking pots and pans being made by her boyfriend (who I swear has no mastery of his prehensile digits, it’s like all he has are nubs, so I dubbed him the “rambunctious rhinoceros”). After the rambunctious rhino made “breakfast” (burnt bacon and soggy eggs over a piece of bread) I left my apartment to go pay rent, I arrived at the management office and realized I didn’t have my wallet or my checkbook. To top it all off, the sun decided to come out and shine with all its shiny, fire-causing strength, so now I have to walk 19 blocks back home and I’m stuck deciding between shedding all the layers I’m wearing and risk a sunburn and looking like a leather bag, or leave them on and risk melting and looking like one of the countless Barbies I had torched as a child.

    I generally don’t dislike Mondays due to the fact that I rarely ever know what day it is. This entire situation has brought to my attention a series of questions: Since today is Monday, and I hate today with a passion, does that mean I hate Mondays with a passion? Why am I so hungry? Why is it so hot in the bay? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

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        Hey! I like you for liking me. :)

        I’ve become aware of the fact that my computer is not nearly as fragile as I believed it to be. That little beast can take a beating (hehe). I honestly think it was less damaged than my roommate was in this whole ordeal, she tripped over the charger cable and smacked her face on the floor when she dropped it. Ha.
        Plus, I have no real regard when it comes to “taking care” of material objects. I honestly think that if she might’ve broken it I would just be upset for a minute and guilt her into buying me comic books. :)

        Oh, and my computer is fine, thank you for asking! It’s a bit traumatized, but I think a few sessions of playing Megaman 2 will cheer it right up.

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    I had a pretty good morning! Our super hot guest lecturer was teaching again today, I literally ignored my best friend for a good two hours. She then told me she didn’t mind because watching my feeble attempts at flirting with the lecturer afterwards was priceless…gotta love your friends! Rugby turned out to be awkward cause my mate assumed I’m hung up about not getting serious with her friend, whom I happen to be completely over. So all in all monday has been alright.

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    It’s 11:30 PM here and I’m drinking vodka and putting off going to bed because I have to go to the doctor first thing in the morning tomorrow and I’m SCARED. I’m pretty sure I’m having an appendicitis and I’ve never been hospitalized before, and the thought of total strangers drugging me into unconsciousness and digging around in my body with knives bring me on the verge of a panic attack. HELP I’M GOING TO DIE. I also have a really important job-related appointment in the afternoon that I can’t afford to miss, which makes the situation even more stressful. Oh and nbd but I can’t log in to post? It logs me out as soon as I leave my profile.
    Anyway I love how Autostraddle always seems to read my mind, thanks for the open thread I needed it.

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      I feel for you, I’m terrified of hospital related things (especially surgery related things). Worst I’ve had to deal with was getting wisdom teeth removed and I was massively freaking out beforehand.

      I hope your doctor appointment and job-related appointment go well.

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    I HAVE A CASE OF THE MONDAYS.

    I am a first-year teacher, though, so I have a case of the Mondays every day.

    I have a stupid infection so I had to use one of my too-few remaining personal days, I got an extension on a project for one of my master’s classes but I almost wish I hadn’t because I just want it to be OVER, and I have spent six hours in front of the computer, working. And I could spend the rest of the day doing that and I would still not have everything done.

    It is sunny and 2:30something and only a little chilly here in LA, though, so I guess that’s nice.

    Okay, now I’m going to stop bitching and read the rest of the thread.

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    I’m having one of those days where my mind is like, go do things! but I’m just sick enough that my body is like, no fuck you. So I’m stuck in that place where I really want to get stuff done but I really shouldn’t.

    So instead I finished reading Tina Fey’s Bossypants. It was a good decision, but now I want to do stuff again…

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    A cute girl told me she liked my hair. That happened last Thursday, but it’s still making me feel happy and confident today even though it’s a Monday. Hair complements must be the answer to our Monday problems. Everyone, you have nice hair!

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    Today was my favorite Monday! When I went to log on to my work computer, I was prompted to change my password. Three calls to the Helpdesk later I was finally no longer locked out of my account but I can’t connect to the printer network. I have a “ticket” from 9:40am that is still unresolved because apparently no one at the Helpdesk thinks it’s important that I be able to print things on a Monday.

    I think I need to go home and watch Office Space, specifically the scene where they steal the printer or whatever it is and destroy it with a baseball bat. That is like, on my bucket list. When I retire I am stealing a piece of office equipment and taking it out to a field to smash it up with a baseball bat.

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    My day is going okay, thanks for asking Riese!! Except I have to go to
    Costco & would have been done already & avoided commute traffic
    But adorable wife is dilly dallying… Patience is a constant practice
    The weather in the East Bay is absolutely gorgeous!

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    I have my period and I’m cramping so bad I can’t even sit up straight. It huuuurrrrrts.[/whine] Seriously, though, it’s extremely inconvenient and painful.

    Some sort of bug has infested my (indoor) strawberry plants and has maybe managed to kill the plant before I finally managed to destroy them. They’re tiny, tiny silver bugs that make a kind of web on the leaves of the plant. Does anyone know what they are? I’ve never seen them before.

    Also, Hyperbole and a Half’s Adventures in Depression is starting to seem less like a comedic description of something I deal with and more like a transcript of my internal dialog. It’s not fun.

    Fuck today. I’m going to stay in bed and watch my Vampire Diaries DVDs and lust after Elena (and/or Katherine) while I wait for Kingdom of Loathing rollover so I can play some more.

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      Aw Raksha, worst ): staying in bed sounds like a good move. Sometimes when I have bad period pain I attempt to go about my day as per normal and it’s a disaster because I feel like death and act like death and everyone who talks to me thinks I am weird. Stay in and be kind to yourself til it passes :)

      As for the depression stuff, *hug* a lot of Autostraddlers have been there, myself included. It is the worst. Idk if it is helpful for you to talk about especially with some weirdo on the internet like me, but please get in touch with me if you ever need someone to talk to. It’s horrible being depressed but being isolated and depressed… eurgh.

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        *hugs* Thanks for the support, Dizzy! Staying in bed is definitely on the agenda for today. I’ve decided to switch back and forth between ‘Vampire Diaries’ and ‘Covert Affairs’ and that seems to be the best treatment for cramps I’ve found so far! :D But first thing tomorrow, I’m calling the gyno and getting on one of those pills that you keep taking forever so you don’t get your period anymore because this is ridiculous.

        As for the depression, over the years I’ve found there really isn’t much to do but wait it out and try not to do any permanent damage in the mean time. But it always helps to be reminded that I’m not alone and others understand what I’m going through! Helps short circuit the “No one has suffered like I have suffered! Woe!” nonsense, which in turn helps prevent the depression from spiraling down more (or worse, spiraling out into another trip ’round the eating disorder merry-go-round of misery).

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          About taking the pill, I did this, and it helped a lot. Even when I choose to bleed on the pill, I have almost zero pain. It might be good to get your gyno to do a checkup though? Chances are your period just sucks but there might be an undiagnosed underlying condition causing the pain, like PCOS or a cyst or endomitriosis. Just my two cents, anyway :)

          Yes, it’s amazing how irrational your thoughts can be when you’re depressed… I think you are right, if it is an ongoing thing for you, sometimes there isn’t much you can do but hang in there until it passes and remind yourself the crazy thoughts of darkness you are having are just thoughts and not reality. I haven’t had to contend with an eating disorder myself but two of my friends have, and wow it does not look like a place you want to go back to, truly.

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    Today, I didn’t go to sleep until 4:15 in the morning. I was super nervous for my surgery to get five pins taken out of my finger this afternoon. I woke up at eight because seeing as how this is the week before finals, I have lots of shit to do. This shit includes seven meetings, two group projects, a final essay on gender and crime, a financial analysis of mixed-use real estate property, and studying for my five finals (one of which includes studying the strength, moments, tension and compression stresses, load tracing, etc. of concrete, wood, steel – this final is going to be HARD!) while running out of money completely.

    Everyday is a Monday for me this week, but you know what I do – I wake up blaring this song.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kuj-PGC8rE

    It might wake up my neighbors.

    Also, the percocets for the pain in my hand make things infinitely better, but also makes things a lot harder to get done. Wonder if this will affect my grades?

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      Aw Madison, that is really tough. Don’t be afraid to go to your teachers and ask for an extension or other support (like special marking for your exams) if you need it. Even the strictest teachers find it hard to argue with a medical certificate saying you are unfit to study, in my experience.

      Are you at law school, by any chance? Those sound like law-ish subjects…

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        Thanks for the response, dizzy! Actually, in my undergraduate years at an engineering school majoring in building construction with a certificate in land development – lots of learning about mechanical, civil, and industrial engineering.

        Luckily, my teachers have been pretty great with trying to help me out with exam taking and working with my schedule. Everything just takes twice as long as it should because my injured hand is my writing hand so I just like to vent :)

        Also, read about your dilemma below. Don’t have much advice, but I hope you are able to work with your parents and get through it!

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    I don’t know why, but the first thing I did after reading this was follow the link to the new earth-like planet article, and was immediately cheered up by this : “Ames director Simon “Pete” Worden”

    Where is the Pete from? As far as I know Simon doesn’t shorten into Pete no matter how you try to mangle it. If that’s what he wants to be called, why not just say Pete Worden? And really if you’re going to choose a nick name, why not choose something catchier than Pete??

    Anyhow, for some reason that really made me feel better about the fact that I have a final exam in 4 hours that I haven’t studied enough for! Thanks Riese :) you’re the greatest!

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      That’s funny! I didn’t even notice “Pete”. I was too busy going “omg planet! We’re totally headed towards a Firefly style future! Shiny!” Except, probably less spastic than that sounded. I hope. I always get excited by these things, even though I know I won’t live to see people living on another planet, I like to believe it will happen before we completely destroy the one we’re on.

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    It’s sunny here but really cold. I’m freaking out over finals, hating being 400 miles away from all my people, and kind of being hateful and cruel to myself over a lot of things. But I’m wearing my favorite cardigan and unreasonably heavy eyeliner, and when I’ve studied enough to feel semi-accomplished, I’m going to make TINY PIE

    tiny pie is great and obviously not the same thing as tarts

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    we wrote funny stories in class today (because Monday) and the best one was: ‘the time I farted in a catcher’s face. the bases were loaded and I was really nervous. The pitch went right down the middle, and I swung and missed, and I swung so hard that I farted really loud. When I hit the ball, I was laughing too hard to make it to first base. The end’

    to be clear, not my story. a student.

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    My lady bits are trying to sucede from my union; writing words is hard; having sex with straight girls is troublesome; it’s windy; I can’t seem to find any music that doesn’t make me want to curl up with a kitten and cry to my mother on speaker phone; post-graduate programs aren’t going to love me; and I’ve run out of squash.

    Mondays are unfortunate. Luckily, it’s 30 minutes until Tuesday.

    Cheer up, homogays.

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    Actually I have a thing to ask everyone which relates to my Monday. My Monday started out with a midnight phone call to my family in Australia (since I am in Europe). Basically, my parents are getting divorced. When I reach my father, like I did this morning, he is completely distraught and shellshocked and spends literally hours talking about Jesus and redemption and his childhood, which sounds even more fucked up than mine. At other times, when I reach my mother, I get an earful about what a terrible person my father is and how horrible her life has been and how the divorce is going.

    After I finish these conversations I am distressed, can’t focus on my studies and alternate between anxiety for my parents and anger at their fucked-up parenting strategies. I spent my Monday under a cloud. I feel like my whole childhood. I have been dragged into their conflicts, sometimes having to resolve their fights, sometimes physically getting in the way of violence, but mostly just constantly having them talk about their problems to me like I am a counsellor.

    At 25 I have really had enough… does anyone have any idea how to set emotional boundaries with them? How to be supportive without emotionally exhausting myself? And where does that line even lie?

    I hope it’s ok to post this here because I have so many feelings and am not sure what to do with them.

    In other news… there was a magical aspect to this Monday for me, because I SAW SNOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE YOU GUYS.

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      Don’t have a good answer for you Dizzy because I couldn’t set the boundaries 4 years ago. While dealing with my own personal and work problems, the problems of my sister pulled me under. The result? The additional stress resulted in coming out to myself as a transsexual (good) and the world (not good, transition is going nowhere and I lost my job because of it).

      A boundary to start with, as good as any I think, is not let them repeat the same things. Break that of otherwise they will keep repeating the same things, with or without variations. You come first.

      As for the snow? Depending on where you live / the amount you get, it wears thin with the 3rd nationwide trafficjam…. But the first snow of the season is always fun and should be enjoyed.

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        Hey Naomi Clare, thanks for sharing your experiences with me. While I’m sorry you weren’t able to set the boundaries you needed to be healthy, it does help me to know that I am not alone in struggling with this issue.

        I am deeply sorry that you have been discriminated against because you are a trans person. That is awful. I hope that you are eventually able to find another employer who values you for who you are, and that you are able to resume transitioning.

        Fortunately or unfortunately, I return to Australia quite soon, so I am enjoying what may be my only opportunity to experience a white Christmas :)

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          Hi Dizzy,

          Thanks for the support, it can get rough here…

          As for your situation, remember, you are not your parents therapist! You come first as far as you are concerned. I had no way of dealing with the stresses,setting boundaries would have helped and wish I had seen a therapist at that time, just to be able to deal with it. that was something they didn’t teach me in school (like so many usefull things…).

          Hopefully you get to enjoy a white Christmas, it is a rare event here in the Netherlands.

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      oh whoa, dizzy, that sounds rough. I’m sorry you and your parents are going through that…I wish I had some good advice for you, but all I’ve really got to offer is sympathy-via-internet-commenting. and…maybe see if they’ll talk to an actual counselor (or two) so you’re not their only source of mediation and support?

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        Sympathy via internet commenting is great, it makes me feel that I am not alone, and even people I haven’t met care (: so thank you.

        I think that is a good suggestion and I will give it a go. I think my dad will likely be more receptive to the idea of counselling than my mother, who will likely insist she is fine… but that is okay I think as my dad seems to be more in need of emotional support. Thank you.

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      so sorry to hear about what you’re going through, dizzy. i agree with bookbound’s suggestion of possibly seeing an actual counselor. i can also sort of empathize with being dragged into parental drama and will share how i handled it in case it might help: i finally decided i couldn’t take it anymore and was honest with my parents about how i felt- how it really stressed me out to deal with their problems but i wanted to be there for them so i put up with it. then i suggested maybe they see a counselor or try to talk to a friend about it and how i wanted to be supportive but didn’t feel it was fair to me to be put in that extremely uncomfortable in-between-and-helpless position. part of me felt bad for saying i might not be the ears they’ve been for me at times and it didn’t change everything, but ultimately i think they’ve toned it down a bit and at least have a better understanding as to how i feel. not sure if that’s applicable to your situation, but wish you good luck with all you’re going through! and congrats on seeing snow! isn’t it magical? it’s the little things :)

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        Hey Roxy, thank you so much for sharing your experience and how you approached it. I can’t tell you how much it helps hearing from someone else who has been in a similar situation. Sometimes it is easy to feel alone, as people with ‘normal’ families can’t relate to the experience of having parents that expect you to… well, parent them.

        Your advice is good, I am going to try it :) it’s one of those things that is easier said than done, of course, but it seems like pretty much the only way to go. A big part of the difficulty lies with me feeling like it is my responsibility to save them from themselves, and guilt about leaving them to their own emotions. In a way I think that’s as much part of it as their own behaviour… because after all, I could always just hang up on them :p it’s just that I never do.

        I am really moved by the replies (and even one private message) I received to this comment, people here are so caring and lovely.

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      dizzy, this sounds really tough – finding the support YOU need is probably job #1.

      There are a couple of phrases I’ve heard work well: “that sounds awful / difficult / tough but _as your daughter_ I don’t think I’m the best person to talk to about this. Who else are you talking to?” This can lead into a “a doctor / therapist / priest is probably a more appropriate person to talk to” conversation.

      If the conversation starts repeating, asking “What’s the plan?” will either change the focus or get them to stop playing the broken record to you.

      Good luck – I know how hard this can be on everyone involved.

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        Thanks very much for your kind worsd, Arls. Yes, ordinarily I would look for a counsellor myself, but I am travelling so much over the next month or two it doesn’t really work ): so I will just have to draw on my own support networks, which thankfully are wonderful.

        I think those are some really good lines… my mother is probably ready to hear them, my father is quite fragile, so I might be gentle with him while it sinks in and then give it a go :)

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      oh dizzy-i am very sorry you are in this position…i wish i knew you and we could have coffee or go bowling or something, for real.

      my parent’s divorce started about three years ago (I was 24)and is still ongoing…i know. my mother is suing my father for a divorce so its a legal mess and not finalized (its about as civilized as it sounds between these two) and so suffice it to say, I know what kind of emotional turmoil late-in-life parental divorce can bring. i felt alone in the beginning bc while i had many friends whose parents were divorced, none of them were over the age of 18 when it happened and I found my emotions and reactions were very different from theirs. For me, being an adult and seeing my parents split was both a blessing and a curse. It might have been much easier in some fairly obvious ways, however, being an adult and seeing your parents from a more mature perspective adds its own special layer of understanding which creates a much different (but equally charming) kind of torture and upset.

      Maybe this is different for you, but I think most parents always see their kids as just that: their kids. As their offspring, my parents still thought I was subject to their rules and so they tried to manipulate me and push me into confusing and contradicting emotional states. basically they were (maybe unwittingly? i am going to give them the benefit of the doubt) using their position as a parent to manipulate me into thinking a certain way. so if your parents are not on board with your boundaries, it can be impossible to impose them within a conversation because of the power dynamic that probably exists between you. your description of ranting parents going on and on for hours about broken dreams and punishment and misery and promises and god knows what else sounds so familiar to me. i mean hourrrrrrrs of discussion from each of my parents about what it was that each of them did/said/felt about the other. you have got to call shenanigans before it gets worse. what I had to do was be clear and explicit about what I would and would not hear and discuss and then as soon as that boundary was crossed, I had to shut them down. This is where your own comfort level is so important and has to dictate what is said to you. It wasnt that i didnt want to talk about it at all, i did. i suspect you do want to be there for your parents and show support, but make sure your mental and emotional well-being is put before that impulse to be caring. There were things I *did* want to know and understand…things that helped me make sense of my reality and come to terms with what was happening. so i would ask about the divorce, but in their minds that gave them license to talk about everything and anything and put me on the receiving end of some big time, no going back, level eleven oversharing. there are going to be things you just cant/wont/shouldnt hear and you have to try to figure out what those things are and communicate them to your parents BEFORE you hear them because some shit just cannot be unheard believe me.

      its all about sticking up for yourself in the beginning and only letting in what you want to let it and stay in control from the very onset of each conversation. it sounds like you are a great listener just in general and you want to be kind and sensitive to your parents and i think you should be, but recognize your position in all this and remember this is a situation where maybe you cant be as great a listener and as kind and sensitive as you usually are to other people in other circumstances. these are your parents and that is such a loaded relationship to begin with that it is different from other situations. i dont think you should be taking in and absorbing every little feeling and detail and then trying to distill that down into something you can work with because that would be too much for even a trained professional to do with their own parents. force THEM to do that work on their own with a counselor or friend or other relative thats not you or a sibling and let them come back to you with only the pertinent and well-formed thoughts and feelings.

      it may seem harsh at first, but its not. you are their child. there are sooooo many people in this world that are more appropriate outlets for sorting through issues of divorce than their own child. you are not the only person they can talk to about this, and your parents are adults. you love them and care about them, but they are not your responsibility. dizzy, this is so crucial. they are not your responsibility. say it over and over again. it helps.

      that was a lot. this is a response three years+ in the making so i am sorry if that was just a lot of words thrown at you. i hope it helps, but it may not. every situation is so different. i just hope you take care of you because that is the most important thing you can do. so play in the snow and try not to worry. i know you will, but try not to for at least a little while. and it will get easier eventually. the beginning is the hardest, but i have faith you will come out the other side. from one new broken home to another, i honestly wish you the best of luck with all this and know you are not alone.

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        hey lo, thank you for such a beautiful and emotionally open response. It wasn’t just a lot of words thrown at me, it was relevant and compassionate and really means a great deal to me. I relate so much to the experiences you are describing in your own story it is scary. I can see myself revisiting your comment as I go through this process.

        I am just typing this now because I want you to thank you for saying meant a lot to me while this open thread thing is still happening. It took a while to respond to the comments people left me because I would think about what they said, process it, and then respond and it was kind of tough emotional work because I was thinking so much about my childhood and how I feel about everything that is happening.

        For now with what you said, I just want to thank you for your kindness in writing something so personal and so thoughtful for a complete stranger. Truly, it makes me feel so much better and so much less alone.

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    I want to sleep. Really badly. But I can’t do that for the next two days at least because abstract algebra is a fucking difficult course. The shitty thing is that I was going to get my sleep habits under control this semester. I’ve struggled with insomnia for a long time; this fall, I finally managed to get in the habit of getting about 6 hours of sleep a night (which is about twice as much or more than I used to), but now college has completely ruined that. I’m back to being irritable and exhausted all the time.

    tl;dr: fuck this honors math shit.

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    Today was that weird kind of shitty/okay that most of my Mondays end up as. I was forced to do a debate in my sociology class about nature vs. nurture and I just kind of assumed everybody thought sexuality was a choice until the teacher told me that was the topic we were debating. I was like “why is everyone just getting all of this wrong? They can’t make a good argument if they have their facts wrong!” It was kind of embarrassing because I’m still really in the closet. But I got to talk to this really cute girl I know in English class that loves Gilmore Girls, and she is totally the type of girl I would watch Gilmore Girls for even though I’m not a huge fan of that kind of stuff. I got to make her laugh and I veered the conversation into Movieland because I know she loves movies; when she gets really interested in the conversation she unknowingly rewards me with Direct Prolonged Eye-Contact, which makes my heart beat like a rabbit.

    Thanks for being my lesbian venting station, Autostraddle. <3

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    today has been not bad at all, and i also just realized that basically everyone i know who is younger than me is beginning finals week (or the week before finals week which is also bad) so that definitely makes me feel better because i’ve already sent in two of my three grad school applications and i’m really close to being done with the last one. the shitty part is that i don’t hear back from my top choice until the beginning of april so i don’t really know what i’m gonna do with myself until then.
    i got woken up at 4:45am this morning by my dog throwing up, so that sucked, but i had gone to bed at 8am and managed to squeeze out 20 more minutes of sleep on the couch before i had to get up for work so that also wasn’t so bad. and there was a metric fuckload (love it) of free goodies from a bakery at work today, so THAT was awesome.
    one not so good thing is i am currently waiting on the results of a colposcopy i had on friday but i’m employing my supreme powers of not-thinking-about-it OH MY GOD YOU GUYS RIGHT AS I WAS TYPING THAT THE DOCTOR CALLED ME BACK EVERYTHING WAS NEGATIVE YAYYYYYY OK TODAY IS TOTALLY AWESOME I LOVE ALL OF YOU.
    no but seriously i love our little community, it’s open threads like these that remind me how lovely you all are. kisses and hugs to everyone!

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    Monday unfunday. 4000 words to write for this week, 1500 of which is my dissertation research proposal, the remaining 2500 being an essay on Victorian social and political thought. Simultaneously taking my rugby level 1 coaching course, 9-4 today, Thursday and Friday. Chain-smoking cigars, drinking tea straight from the pot and eating my own body weight in chocolate.

    Last week of term is either going to turn me into Superwoman or kill me.

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    thank you for this thread, it’s the worst day of ever

    i just want to lie in a huge bed in a huge room and read richard silken/stephen dunn and eat really good sandwiches and not think about anything like money or school or rehab or parents, etc. i feel like everyone here feels me on this one

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    Today is bad. She has moved on – or should I say, was never into me and was just fucking me around for fun – and I’m still in love with her. I have to watch her getting all cutesy with the new girl and I’m going to be moving back into my uni college (where she also lives) when my holidays finish in a month so I’m going to have to see them together all the time. Ugh.

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    My day in order:
    -Found out I failed a physics test & have to retake (first one this year)
    -My friend & my still life gets knocked over & has to be reset several times, and the sub won’t let us work on it because we’re in her way (but can’t move). Stress of this added on to the home stress I’ve been dealing with results in me crying behind my larger than life size portrait in the art closet (the only closet I really live in anymore).
    -Calming nerves & working in the art closet with friend I share the still life with & friend whose still life is across the closet from ours in the art closet. Lots of tumblr, glee, Emma Watson, and My Drunk Kitchen talk.
    -PreCalculus, run back to art closet from one building to another while it’s freezing & starting to rain, then take a quiz.
    - In art closet working on still life along side friend, more tumblr & glee talk, but with added 80s music & more lemon slice references.
    - Making paper stars in interior design class because I’m bored & have paper.
    - Amstud (U.S. History AP & English III AP merged class). 1st half history, covering advantages & disadvantages of the north & south during the civil war. 2nd half, English portion, civil war era art powerpoint with hyperlinks to songs. Entire class now hates Maryland because of seemingly never ending ‘Maryland, My Maryland’ song (it has the tune of ‘Oh Christmas Tree’ & has at least 4 false endings, and is annoying by the first verse).
    - Bus home with a few friends while also texting lines from My Drunk Kitchen with best friend, do not like the cold weather. Am abhorred by the fact there’s a run over rabbit on my street (I’m calling my local animal control in the morning if it’s still there b/c it’s already closed for the day).
    - Eat a grapefruit. Am thankful it’s in season.
    -Am here.

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    I’ve lost 20 pounds in 3 weeks because I’m too anxious/depressed to eat anything except tea and the occasional slice of coffee cake. This is totally healthy and not-at-all-bad-for-me-and-will-not-bite-me-in-the-ass-later. The chain smoking probably relates to this as well.
    Also, the cute girl at the local feminist bookstore is in NY for a week, so my grand plan to go in and thank her for the Murakami recommendation and “maybe we should get coffee and talk about the book?” plan was foiled this morning.
    ALSO MY INTERNET SUCKS AND WON’T STREAM “LOST GIRL”. ALL OF THE FEELINGS.

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    Aaaaah finals. I have been sick (on and off) for most of the semester, and I’ve now had a cold for more than a week. However, I obviously can’t go to sleep until 3 AM because I have so much work to do (oh, and I have to wake up for morning classes so I can’t sleep in). Last night I went to bed at about 1 (how exciting!) but couldn’t stop coughing so I still didn’t go to sleep until 3. I spent my entire weekend on the final project that was due today. I now have this evening to paint a Sargent master copy and my own painting in the style of Sargent’s painting – both due tomorrow. I would only have to do one of these (and the easier one too) tonight if my teacher hadn’t totally miscommunicated what was due for last week. Since “the final is a big deal,” I just have to redo the assignment I did the way he told me to, which was the wrong way.

    Things will be much better after tomorrow, but right now I’m kind of in despair because I just want to sleep and I’m not hopeful about seeing that wish come true any time soon.

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    Thanks for asking, Marie. It’s not the worst Monday I’ve ever had, nor a manic one, but I just found out a few hours ago that my grandmother passed away. She was 90. She was awesome and never judged me for my sexuality and was quiet and centered and prayed for me all the time, like a good Filipino grandmother. I loved her deeply and we were close.

    I had chicken francaise, two Blue Moons and chocolate chip cookies for dinner because I don’t give a fuck. It’s rainy and foggy out here where I live. I spoke with a cute girl, the one I’m dating, who’s totally supportive and made me laugh. I am not prevented from doing my laundry.

    “You do you,” is something my grandma would tell me. I am at peace, and I’m sure, so is she.

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    Today has been possibly the longest day of my life and it’s only 6:30. I live in Lincoln, Nebraska and it’s approximately 4 degrees without the wind chill here. Not really but it is fucking cold and it’s been snowing for a few days. My girlfriend works for landscaping at the University of Nebraska – Lincoln where we both are students, and she has to go in for snow and ice removal at like six AM every day. I don’t want to see her get hurt or be cold and so this sucks for everybody involved. Also I have a paper due tomorrow at 9:30 that I didn’t start until today. It’s a damn good thing it only has to be five pages long. Has anyone read Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson? Does anyone care to elaborate on the characters’ differing experiences with nature? I already have two pages written but I’m running out of points quickly.

    I don’t see this week improving much, since this is the week of finals and has been appropriately dubbed “dead week.” So this is me avoiding my research paper and putting off dinner, which will need to happen soon. I just want to cuddle with my girlfriend and drink peppermint hot chocolate and watch the Golden Girls all evening long. What’s so wrong with that?

    Also, and this is a plea to KFRX, (the local pop music radio station that they play in the Runza in the student union all day long without fail), PLEASE STOP PLAYING FESTIVE CHRISTMAS MUSIC. There is nothing joyous about this weather or my lack of funds needed to buy people Christmas gifts. Maybe I’ll just crochet everyone hats. I can do that.

    ok thank you Reise for listening to all my first-world problems!
    Seacrest out

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    Today I woke up at 5:30am to drag my miserable ass to school (which is an hour and a half away) in order to force myself into studying for my final on Wednesday. I trapped myself in the basement of a library for five hours with nothing but my books and a gingerbread cookie. Guess who won the ensuing battle. (hint: not me)

    Also, today I learned that the university cafe makes excellent cookies. Why did I not learn this during my freshman year.

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    today was a great day. my girlfriend who has been abroad for 5 months is back in the USA! granted, she is still halfway across the country, but that is STILL closer than guatemala! and also now able to call/text/skype whenever. this concept is still blowing my mind.

    so i guess rainy days and mondays don’t always get me down.

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    OH AUTOSTRADDLE, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I NEED.

    I am having a terrible case of the Mondays. It’s crunch time for graduate school and I’m studying humanities, so that means I have 50 pages to write and no thesis for like at least 18 of them. Then I got my face lasered today to deal with the fun side affects of PCOS but my nurse told me that it’s not gonna help v. much unless I get back on the pill WHICH HELLO, I DON’T NEED and I hated when I was on it. So I will be hairy until I lose weight, which gives my parents more ammunition to berate me about how I’m fat/lazy/stupid/weak.

    Additionally, in doing research for my 50+ pages of writing, I get to read about African same-sex inclined women being correctively raped and suffering from HIV. So there’s no escape from depressing things through reading.

    But I was comforted by the fact that a butch-identified same-sex attracted women said that she takes incredibly good care of her hands because without them she can’t sexually please women. At least that’s something universal between queer women, despite our circumstances and environment.

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    It has not been a good day. I had insomnia last night and had to be at work earlier than usual, so I got little sleep. Then an appointment was late so I missed lunch. Passed out at my desk at 3 because I was so tired. And the sun hates me so it was aiming it’s brightest rays right at my eyeballs all afternoon so I had to wear sunglasses in the office to not be blinded.

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    Grad school has really sucked all the energy out of me. I’m tired and the work never ends. Maybe I need to reconsider my priorities. I don’t know. I hope this tomorrow and the rest of the week is better than last.

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    It’s finals week, so it’s going to be a week of Mondays. Sleepless, especially shitty Mondays. I have no access to alcohol for the next week, which is probably a good thing given all the studying I’m supposed to be doing but which I’m not particularly happy about anyway.

    I’m trying to gather the courage to ask out this super-cute probably-straight friend-acquaintance of mine who I feel way too strongly about already. Though I am betting on a 99% chance of rejection, it has to be better than pining and having the crush build and build until it’s truly heartbreaking and kind of creepy, right?

    Right?

    (Yeah, this situation is why I need alcohol. Wish me luck!)

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    My day worked out ok, actually. It was my Sunday that was bad. I had approximately 5 bajillion things to do for school (or 3, but who’s counting), and after getting through1 1/2 of them I was in a super-funk, so I went for a run, and then I felt better! Anyhow, I finished my shit and got through classes today, and I think I have a date next Saturday! So, that’s exciting. Woo hoo.

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    Had a sleepless night last night– I’m also heading into finals week. Cheers to all us students out there.

    As a college senior with mental health issues, money problems, too few job prospects (and thankfully, a very good therapist), this week could topple my carefully-constructed sanity with a few well-aimed bad grades. Today I took myself to Barnes and Noble to escape for a while. It was a good decision; I’m proud to report I can construct sentences again.

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    Today: recognized that the relationship I am in will be ending shortly. Attempted to work for the requisite 8 hours, and found my attention and motivation slipping around 10 a.m. Faked working for another 6 hours. Worked out crazily and was mighty surprised when I could bust out 20 push ups, and then run 3 miles. On. A. Monday. Laundry. Dinner. Cat. Not a bad day. Not a good day. But taking it all in stride seems to help with going the distance.

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    Ehhh. I just want to go back to the South and eat spicy things and crunch around in the leaves wearing Carhartt pants I don’t have. No more brainwork, please.

    Alternatively I wouldn’t mind snuggling with this cute human I found.

    DIE EXAMS DIEEEEEE

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      I must hear more about these cheddar bunnies. What are they. Twisted versions of easter bunnies made of cheese? Is this a Halloween treat that turns an appropriately scary shade of moldy green after a few weeks? Is there a witch out there that turns bunnies into cheese? Does she not know how poorly cows are treated in factory farms and how we don’t need milk to survive and oh god please won’t somebody think of the animals.

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    Just got out of a six hour class, and now have a ton of work for an online class due at midnight. Haven’t slept in 24 hours, on period, just had some ice cream for dinner because goddammit I feel like crap.

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    Oh gawd. Today is Tuesday. They keep playing Kelly Clarkson and Jesse Mcartney on loop at work. It’s meant to be summer here but it’s cold and grey. why why why!

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    Today I went to work and fortunately it went by pretty fast (well, I didn’t take a lunch and made it shorter) For dinner, I ate re-heated Latin food from my uncle’s bday on Saturday and, later, a bag of Pistachios!!! =O (I’m addicted) Did I see cute girls? yes… Did I talk to them? haa! no. =( They’re straight… haha! It’s rainy where I live and also cold, yes. I haven’t done laundry because there are issues with electricity and I can’t turn the washer on. I’m also definitely “unnaturally averse to small talk” or any talk, actually. I did hide from people today at work to prevent “talks”.
    And yeah, that Brenda Ann Spencer story is fucked up.

    AAAAnyways… Now I’m writing this while watching Four Faced Liar on Logo website during commercials and I can’t help but wishing I was that confused girl who eventually gets the girl… (if they do get each other at the end… I’m not finished watching) Instead I’m just that confused girl with… well… no girl at all. =/ F*ck mondays!

    k… back to the movie!

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    I’m just glad classes are over today, mostly because my professors. One decided to declare that social anxiety wasn’t a real thing and another was agreeing with some students before class about how he didn’t understand why he couldn’t use the would gay to mean stupid if he wasn’t talking about homosexuals. At least it rained today that’s always nice.

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    today is kind of a bummer – it’s just a monday. lot’s of work, not enough lounging. i’m going through my quarter-life crises, and wondering if i should flee the country, ask my cat to take over my student loans, and spend the rest of my days napping with intermittent milano cookie breaks.

    plus, seeing all these people comment about their exams makes me nostalgic.

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    My day started with me waking up from a graphic nightmare, only to have it immediately followed by a second, unrelated, semi-lucid lesser nightmare. And while I wish I could say that my graphic nightmare was the most graphic and nightmarish part of my day, alas, I cannot.

    This whiskey, by contrast, is like a beautiful dream.

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    You guys, I am happy.

    I’m back in New York, I’m employed at a job that I like, I’m now 1.5 hours away from my girlfriend instead of 4.5, and even though I have no idea where I’ll be living come January 1st, I know that I’ll figure something out. Also December is my birthday month AND my girlfriend’s birthday month AND Channukah. I feel obnoxious being so happy (and on a crappy Monday at that!) but I was so sad for so long and felt so lost and hopeless that it’s really incredible to be feeling this way finally.

    ALSO. My mom is not really okay with me liking girls, but she’s trying, and I just found out that she sent my girlfriend a birthday card, signed from her and my dad and my little brother, without even telling me. It just showed up at my girlfriend’s house and she called me to tell me and I burst into tears while cooking dinner because I’m just so fucking happy and excited and proud of my mom for trying.

    I am not the kind of person who says things like “I feel blessed” but all I can come up with right now is: I feel blessed.

    Thanks for being there when everything sucked, Autostraddle, and thanks for listening now that things are so much brighter. I’m sending good karma and happiness to all of you. <3

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    I actually had a pretty good day today, after a string of not-great days. I sent in some more job applications, worked out, fixed my housemate’s window (like the butch handyqueer I am), made a good dinner, and wrote. And remembered to call my mom back. And got a reply from a cute girl I’d messaged on OKC.

    Days like this remind me that I can DO THIS. I can fucking do this. I can get a job, be a grown-up, take care of myself, be a good child, and (maybemaybesomeday) find a cute girl to spoon. I want to put this day in a jar with holes in the lid like lightning bugs so I can take it out on the bad days and maybe it’ll shine through the gloom.

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      I WORKED OUT TOO!! DOUBLE RAINBOW!! as far as im concerned, this is undeniable proof that the sun will come out tomorrow and we will both be employed soon. i can feel it.

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    OK I have not read all these comments cause there’s A LOT. But I just had to say that I’m having a terrible terrible TERRIBLE day, the kind where I wish every single thing about my life was different. I ordered some autostraddle stuff last week so hopefully it will arrive soon and make everything better!

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    I had solid, productive, and enjoyable Monday!

    Highlights:
    - I had today off from work.
    - At the train station near my psychiatrist’s office, I went to check the schedule (in that glass case). The key was still in the hole! Copped that and am considering drawing up queer-friendly and/or sex-positive flyers to tack up. :D
    - Finally made the leap and bought a monthly trail pass instead of the usual weekly! I’ve been commuting for +1 year. STEPS!
    - Deposited hella funds into local bank/felt like a baller/made the cute teller bitties laugh.
    - Figured out what I’m making my family for Christmas! Went to art supplies store, conceptualized what I was gonna do with the ladies who work there, got a hella student discount even though I’m not a student (and was honest about it).
    - Solidified my plans to travel to Spain! Booked my flight, feelin’ good.
    - Finished an excellent book. “By Nightfall” by Michael Cunningham
    - Cuddled with my cats. Napped.
    - Found out that my straight husband and longest co-worker has not actually been fired! Whooo!

    Monday are my I’m-Kind-of-an-Adult-Let’s-Do-This-Shit day :)

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      … at least you would have been wearing pants. That’s better than I managed.

      I mean, I was wearing spandex (biking to school and it’s COLD in Minneapolis) that was supposed to be under my jeans, but still. I almost made it to the bike room before I had another “oh FUCK WHERE ARE MY PANTS” moments.

      And I think the worst part is that I just had to type “another,” and “moments.”

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    WTF was with today? My boss (and his wife) were being assholes. Threatening with firing me like I really would care at this point. I don’t know what was wrong with today but it went by slowly and it sucked.

    But I got to see my awesome wife at the end and eat chocolate ice cream so it wasn’t too bad.

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    my monday was very monday-y. i woke up hungover from closing the bar with friends last night (that part was fun) but today we had a 10 hour work day most of which was spent carrying really heavy things. but i was working with all friends and it’s over now and this glass of wine is really nice, so i guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all.
    and tomorrow is a day off and ….

    wait, rosie’s engaged? wasn’t it just a couple months ago she was living with that other woman and all their kids?

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    My Monday was a headache! I thought I had lost my Abstract Algebra Final that is due tomorrow and I almost broke down and cried. After feverishly searching my house for over an hour I found it! My friends and family can tell it is finals week so they stay away.
    Weather wise it is a nice 20 degrees where I live and my goal this weekend (if I survive finals) is to go out and find a nice girl and ask her to dinner.

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    so i work in a pharmacy, and while i was on my break a customer came in and screamed her head off at all the employees on the sales floor for some pharmacy discrepancy that they couldn’t do anything about, and when she finally tore out of the store the front cashier says to her “have a good night!”. so she turns around and goes “FUCK YOU!”

    i miss all the fun.

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    Plus side: Went to a really great party on the weekend, drank responsibly, gave people backrubs, made friends. Saw a play written by a bunch of people I know twice, enjoyed it greatly, may act in a future production of it. Donated blood for the first time, did not throw up or pass out, was complimented by nurse on my easy-to-draw-from veins. Had some really great sex with my partner post-party, fell asleep together in a cuddly manner.

    Minus side: Upcoming finals include a ten page research paper for my least favorite class. Continued political protests on my campus, though I greatly enjoy being involved in them, wear me out physically and are making my finals even harder due to time lost. And lastly, I’ve just been hit with a scary and not at all fun wave of gender dysphoria, the likes of which I had not felt since high school.

    Conclusion: Well, I still have a lot of badass people in my life and interesting things keep happening to me, so I’d say I’m doing pretty well. And in any case, I have a good therapist.

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    Today I bought my very first piece of grown-up furniture. It’s not from IKEA or the side of the road or anything! It is a tall chest of drawers and it fits perfectly in the 50 square cm of floor space I had left in my room and the drawers are the exact size of two folded hoodies and it is made of mango wood from a sustainable plantation and it used up my entire week’s pay so I sure hope it tastes good and OMG I LOVE IT.

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    Its freezing, I have finals I haven’t studied for and my girlfriend doesn’t understand how stressed I am about them. She texted me yesterday saying I was ‘not fun’ because I wouldn’t go out with her and her friends. I need christmas and a break from everything.

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    Tuesday is officially the new Monday. Or they are both just as bad, I’m in week two of my new job as an au pair and my 6 day spent soaked in my own sweat from running up and down stairs looking for odd shoes, school work and washing. So today feels just as bad as yesterday. I was so tired last night I went to sleep at like 9 and today I have to get started on my two 2000 word essays due in in before Christmas. So I wholly agree that Christmas needs to hurry up and be here pls. Rant over

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    I’m prevented from doing my laundry because someone found a snake in the laundry room sunday afternoon and I’m now afraid to go in there by myself. Sad, I know.

    (I realise it’s tuesday night, but I’m in the middle of nowhere with limited and slow internet so I’ve just been able to see this post.)

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    I wish I had seen this yesterday! When I got to work on Monday morning there was NO POWER and it was 42 degrees outside. So I spent an hour and a half bundled in a coat, sitting in the dark with my co-worker while the security and grounds team tried to restore power. No phone. No internet. No hot mint tea. Just coldness and rain outside.

    It was not my favorite way to start a Monday, but the power DID come back on around 10am, so I guess I’m thankful I didn’t spend all day in the cold/dark.

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    It is Tuesday. I have an interview with a very well-known web company in T minus 2 hours. I have known about this interview for THE PAST MONTH. Yet, I did nothing in prep. I spent all of yesterday looking up places to visit in Europe and I spent almost all of the past 3 hours reading Regina/Emma fanfic, which I just discovered.

    I always seem to “just discover” something just before I have an interview then spend hours catching up on that something instead of prepping for interview. At my level, these interviews aren’t easy to come by and I SHOULD do better prep to at least justify why they ask me in. But no. No, not me. Right now, I am thinking about the hotness that is Regina. And the fire that would come from her coupling with Emma. What I am NOT thinking about are things like stories that demonstrate my three best qualities, why I would be an excellent fit for the position or an example of a time when I had to deal with conflict. Unless that conflict involves deciding whether or not to read ONE MORE Remma (is that the ship’s name?) fic.

    Also. Also my hot landlord came by today at around 2pm and saw me yet again looking like a hobo on account of not having showered or done anything besides brushing my teeth and eating breakfast since morning. I have only one more occasion to dress up when he comes so he can at least realize that I am not an actual slob all of the time.

    All in all I can’t wait for tomorrow to come and bring with it hope for a better day.

    http://SoNotStraight.tumblr.com

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    Ya…I had the joy of engaging in a texting battle with my girlfriend all night over something I said on Facebook which ended with her dumping me via text, although technically that was Tuesday morning, but does that count if I didn’t go to sleep? Anyhow the moral is Facebook and texting are from the devil. I had my suspisions…but now I know for sure. Yep.

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    Sunday evening I came out to my straight girl crush and she took it fairly well, so after having a three hour discussion about related topics I was feeling pretty interested to see how Monday would go.

    Monday was decent because I finished my last classes of the semester, finished my English research paper which had been hanging over my head for the last few weeks, and all the while I got another three hours of texting this straight girl crush about nothing in particular. Also my night class got out two hours early. And that allowed me to clean up my place a bit, which also makes me feel better.

    Monday set the bar for this week pretty high though..

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    Dear Monday,
    Thank you so much for starting out shitty and bleak, and ending with a generous sprinkling Southernly-drawling poetry, cash and grilled halibut by a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to Col. Sanders.
    Love,
    The Sapphic Stripper

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    I thought I was the only one having a not good Monday. Maybe there is some kind of astrological event going on (not that I necessarily believe in that stuff)?

    My girlfriend is getting sick and was grumpy all day.
    My best friend’s dog has been fighting cancer and just had to be put down after a really rough night.
    I’m bummed to be home after a fun weekend visiting said best friend out of state (who I only get to briefly see a couple of times per year).
    This particular Monday seems bleh to me.

    It’s saving grace:
    I had a fantastic sandwich from Ike’s Place (in SF). I can appreciate a good sandwich as much as the next person, but I’m not a super huge fan of sandwiches in general (they’re fine, I’d just rather order Thai food or something). With that being said, this place has THE best sandwiches ever. Once I ate there 3 days in a row.

    So I ate a sandwich and watched a couple of episodes of Castle (hello Detective Kate Beckett(!)…and confusing straight girl crush on Nathan Fillion). I was definitely able to salvage the Monday.

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    My Monday was, for lack of a better word, very Monday-ish.

    It was much improved by three things:
    -the new episode of How I Met Your Mother
    -the sudden departure/moving out of the guy who lived in my building and had been freeloading for the past year
    -buttery microwaved popcorn

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    there had to be something in the air monday. i thought it was just my day that was sucky but obv it was a thing

    my gf and i got into a fight.
    she got mad at me for buying her an ipad for christmas.
    yep. let me repeat that – she got made at me for buying her an ipad for christmas.

    i have no words. it had to be something off in the universe

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    Ok, I realize this thread is ancient BUT I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS.
    1. I’ve applied for an exchange year in the U.S/Canada. I will be notified if I got it or not tomorrow afternoon: it’s just that I’m 99,9 % sure that I won’t get to go. Right now I’m getting drunk while internet shopping and beating myself up for not having any good extra curriculars (and for not studying enought NUTSACK)

    Does anyone have a more constructive way of handling disappointment? (has to be fairly legal, or not, right now I don’t care)

    On a happier note: Swedish (yay Sweden!) high jumping world champion just came out as a lesbian. Her girlfriend is pretty cute too

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