Rachel's Team Pick:
Everyone likes to exclaim over the tales of the canon's hard-drinking authors, because it's true that some of the best literature we enjoy today was brought to us thanks to some pretty serious bar tabs. But many of literature's greats passed on before they ever got to experience the best/worst/most revelatory part of heavy drinking: drunk texting! What would the best writers in history write if they were drunk and also using a keypad, whether T9 or Swype? Luckily, thanks to Jessie Gaynor, a poet at the Iowa Writer's Workshop, you can find out. (Also, this comes to us via the Paris Review. Which means that the Paris Review now publishes fictional drunk texts. Bless their hearts.)
Fantastic, right? Mostly it serves to arouse curiosity. What would Borges be? Faulkner? Virginia Woolf? Ten points to Gryffindor for the first person who can do a passable Judith Butler!