16 “Hard-Core Facts” About Lesbians From 1963′s “A New Look At The Lesbian”

books2Last week we published a list of nine ’50s/’60s books from a then-popular genre of cheap paperbacks: entirely fabricated or otherwise compromised “sociological studies” of human sexuality penned by pulp authors pretending to be doctors. “Lesbianism” was a very common focus of these “non-fiction” books.

Below are statements about “lesbian behavior” pulled mercilessly out of context from the pages of the sacred text A New Look At The Lesbian, by “Scott O’Neill,” storied author of Campus Call Girl and Profile of a Pervert Volume 2. We hope it provides a lot of insight into why you are such a hot mess.

16 Hard Core Facts About Lesbians

1. The vast majority are strongly sexed and almost constantly preoccupied with sex.

2. There are actually many cases of Vampirism on the records — cases in which cuts have been inflicted on the body of the femme and the blood sucked from them by her butch.

3. Conversations among their own group consist of sexual gossip, certainly in excess of what we might have designated as “good taste.”

4. The maternal instinct is always present in a Lesbian. They are given to sublimation of this womanly quality in some cases. Cats, dogs, birds.

5. Set one hundred women down on a deserted island and within a week, a quarter of this number will become lesbians.

6. One reason the Lesbian hang-outs are so well-covered by our law enforcement agencies is because of the frequency of fights, knifings, and hair-pulling contests.

7. In other words, they became strippers because they were Lesbians, and did not become Lesbians because they were strippers.

8. In the past, wars have sufficed to keep down the population. That and rampart homosexuality in war-ravaged countries.

9. A young girl that remains a tomboy when she should be wanting her first pair of high heels; more interested in playing touch football than going to dancing class; trying to walk, talk and play like one of the boys instead of wanting a permanent and lessons on poise — all of these things should warn a parent that something is awry.

10. If the neighbors say that the two girls who live in the apartment are nice enough, but seem to fight a lot, you’re pretty well on your way to establishing a Lesbian relationship.

11. No, we do not put our Lesbians on faraway islands. Nor do we lock them away in asylums. But have you ever visited a typical Lesbian bar?

12. No husband, catching his wife in a moment of complete indiscretion, can match the strength of the jealousy felt constantly by the lesbian.

13. Naturally, there are homosexuals in all walks of life but there are far more Lesbian waitresses, clerical helpers, shop sales girls, beauty operators, minor technicians, musicians and the like than there are painters, business executives, doctors, writers or even actresses.

14. One will notice among any given Lesbian group that many are sufferers of what appears to be a chronic skin disease.

15. The sect or cult of lesbianism lives on among us today, affecting almost each of us in one fashion or another. Hitler’s Thousand-Year Reich had overall a considerably less impact upon us, yet it was comparatively short-lived.

16. Biting, a form of oral sadism, is frequent among these women, and probably accounts for the high number of turtle-necked sweaters sold to them.

Avatar of Riese

Riese is the 32-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City, and now lives in The Bay Area. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are!

Riese has written 1729 articles for us.

62 Comments

  1. Thumb up 41

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    “Set one hundred women down on a deserted island and within a week, a quarter of this number will become lesbians.”

    And within another week Ilene Chaiken will be there with a camera to film the Real L Word, Castaway Edition.

  2. Thumb up 7

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    But wait! They never explain the tantalizing question about whether the race to the moon was triggered by lesbianism. Personally, I’m guessing it has to do with Artemis, outdoorsy gal that she was. (Either that or Sandra Bullock.)

    • Thumb up 10

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      WELL WELL WELL. it was very confusing what his actual theory was because his whole argument, which was basically about overpopulation, seems to suggest that homosexuality might be a solution to the overpopulation problem, but also that moving to the moon and other planets could be a solution to the overpopulation problem, so he never makes a case that lesbianism triggered the race to the moon because based on his logic… lesbianism should prevent us from having to race to the moon? I mean, idk why this didn’t win a Nobel Prize

      “Experts have decreed that in a hundred years or less, we won’t be able to feed the population of the Earth at that time unless we now devise some other means of growing food. Large hydroponic tanks are one answer, yeast cultures another, seaweed and help derivatives still another, but none of these will do all the work. Something else is required. Could it be a temporary stopgap of increased homosexuality, plus a subconscious desire for extra-terrestrial colonization? Well, it’s a theory — and perhaps not too far-fetched, at that.”

  3. Thumb up 4

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    ’3. Conversations among their own group consist of sexual gossip, certainly in excess of what we might have designated as “good taste.”‘

    Ah hah hah hah. So true.

    #13 – well now we know where to troll for dates in 1963, if we ever stumble into a time machine.

  4. Thumb up 31

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    Picture every one of these being read in the classic Twilight Zone narrator voice.

    There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call Lesbianism.

  5. Thumb up 4

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    “11. No, we do not put our Lesbians on faraway islands. Nor do we lock them away in asylums. But have you ever visited a typical Lesbian bar?”

    Yes…Cubbyhole *cue dramatic music….and a Tegan and Sara song*

  6. Thumb up 11

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    (Well to be fair some of those are often true.)

    And as I like trying to make sense of the senseless…..
    Where did he get those numbers from?
    1/6 of women are Lesbians but 1/4 would become Lesbians on a desert island? All women are latent Lesbians yet 3/4 of them are immune to the wonders of Lesbian Island? He could at least make up believable numbers. Or maybe he’s not fully comprehending the wonders of Lesbian Island.

    I might start capitalising Lesbian all the time. It makes me feel important.

    • Thumb up 17

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      Think of it this way: we all have a predisposition to be Lesbian. For 1/6 of us, our current environment is enough to activate the Lesbian gene. Another 1/12 of us (assuming the original 1/6 is included in the 1/4 figure) require the environmental manipulation of 1 week on a desert island with 99 other females in order to express Lesbianism. The final 3/4 require greater than one week of exposure to the desert island setting before succumbing to their basic instincts.

      My question: how many of us are here, on autostraddle, right now, because we were once or are currently marooned on a desert island?

      • Thumb up 8

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        Holy crap! I understand now! Every time some asshole was like, “Oh you’re a vegan, what if you were stranded on a desert island, would you eat animals then, hmmm?” They were mentally preparing me for the inevitable of being marooned on an island and being forced to resort to an omnivorous diet and Lesbianism.

        (I’m pretty sure Lesbian island is vegan and gluten free friendly though.)

        • Thumb up 2

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          Those assholes are probably the ones conducting the study. They obviously know something about Lesbian Island.

          I would hope all the food sources would be vegan and gluten free, though.

        • Thumb up 6

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          Unless you’re one of those butch vampires. But let’s be real, all the blood the vampire butches will need will be consensually supplied.

  7. Thumb up 2

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    These are amazing. Finally an explanation for these zits on my chin at my middle-age!

    Also, UGH, the knife fights at Rubyfruit used to get way out of hand. We all know that’s really why they went out of business.

  8. Thumb up 14

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    Basically, lesbians are climbin’ in your windows, snatchin’ your people up, tryna bite ‘em to spread their hyper-sexualized vampirism. So ya’ll need to hide your kids, hide your wife (especially your wife) cause they’re biting everyone out there.

  9. Thumb up 8

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    Can we just take a second to address the back of the book? Among my favorite parts:

    1. The use of exclamation points for! every! thing!

    2. “Every word is the scalding truth!” Clearly.

    3. These facts are apparently “hard-core.” Which I’m still trying to figure out.

  10. Thumb up 2

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    Fascinating. This was obviously marketed as male porn and demonstrates the love/hate nature of lezboporn. Despite this, I can imagine a kid of my generation finding this in the back of the garage and freaking themselves out.

    BTW, Tina sez, “Set 100 women down on a desert island and within a week there will be free health care for everyone.”

    • Thumb up 1

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      Truth on the health care. I’d add: “free health care with full coverage of and emphasis on preventative services and treatments such as acupuncture, a full range of massage therapy, humane and supportive women’s sexual health services. And full-service hot springs.”

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