“When the doctor said that such and such a treatment was linked to health problems later in life, I didn’t even blink. I’ll hit 50 and keel over? Fine, I don’t care, get rid of these fucking pimples.”
Being a survivor has taught me that resiliency is in the marrow of my bones and with it I can imagine a better world.
“Marriage is like a chlorinated community pool that we now get access to. I think that people forget that queers have been swimming in the ocean the whole time.”
This is an essay about leaving everything behind, and I don’t know where to start because part of what that means is that I am leaving you.
La Virgen de Guadalupe has always been dear in my heart and always will be, but the way I view her has changed throughout the years, through various lenses with different interpretations, including now as a queer woman.
“This is a ridiculous amount of sweat. I know this is hot yoga and everything, but how is there even this much sweat in me? How is this possible? This seems unsafe. Is this normal? Maybe I’m peeing. Am I peeing? How can there be this much sweat in a person? I think it’s pee.”
“It is still quite strange to not be in school anymore and I do have to keep reminding myself that it is OK to take some time off. That I do not have to start my “career” right this second. That as long as I am lucky enough to provide food, water, and shelter for myself, I will be ok.”
“It’s so easy to yearn and ache for people to fill the space surrounding you, but it’s so difficult to find those who can do so in a way that doesn’t immediately consume all your hard-won oxygen and freedom.”
“Form-fitting feels different than tailored and my form is something I’m super protective of — so why the fuck did I decide to wear leggings today?”
What do you do when you see queer kids making out in the street? When and where is PDA okay for queer people? Who gets to decide when it’s okay or inappropriate?
My partner and I often navigate the more challenging aspects of our relationship, and lives, using the language of “imagine.” For me, and presumably for her, the word itself feels better, carries less weight than perhaps, “hoped” or “wanted.”
“It’s like you’re so good at your weird, low-cost lifestyle, but you know nothing about the real world.”
“You may have lost someone who may have meant different things to you than they did to other people, but at the end of the day you know who they were to you, and perhaps what they meant to your community of queers.”
She didn’t say “I have suspected this for years and I still love you.” It went more like a Scared Straight kind of thing but instead of scaring me about drugs and a life of crime, she wanted to scare me straight, straight. “Just Say No to Lesbianism” straight.
Intersex and queer identities sometimes match up in ways that we’re familiar with and that conform to our understanding of how these identities are commonly defined. Other times they don’t.
I shall list them in order of least to most awful.
Ever since I went to a Halloween party at my friend’s church youth group in 6th grade, I’ve been almost inseparable from my Christian identity. But on November 4th, 2012, my heart was all the way down in my toes as I got ready to go to church for the first time as a transgender lesbian.
“I knew transitioning was possible, but I didn’t know someone under the age of 40 could do it.”
I ran away from home to stop being an outsider. It took an outsider to find home again.
My transgender wife and I are both people with a lot of serious challenges to face, and we chose to confront those challenges as a team. That’s not heroism. It’s love.