Lily’s Team Pick:
When I was ten years old, my friend took me to a Christina Aguilera concert (this was the Genie in a Bottle years so I’m feeling pretty old right now). Opening for Christina was a little known four-person girl group called Destiny’s Child. That’s right. I saw the original Destiny’s Child in concert–I’ll give you some time to deal with your extreme jealousy.
Anywho, what I did not realize at the time was that I was in the presence of royalty. I feel like it is pretty much agreed upon by all people that Beyoncé is our Queen. The 60 year old woman who sat next to me on my flight back to school last week agrees with me so it must be true. Our glorious Queen is now having a baby which is basically the best news the world has received all year. I wouldn’t be surprised if that baby comes out glowing. If Bey-Be grows up and tells everyone that it is the second coming I will undoubtedly believe it, become one of its disciples, and help it write “The Biblé: Part II”.
Although I firmly believe Beyoncé’s child probably won’t follow the gender binary and will instead use the preferred gender pronoun of “Diva”, the fantastic people at good.is have created a flowchart that asks “Is Beyoncé Having a Boy or Girl?” It is wonderful.
:) Well now, this just distracted me from staring out the window up at the currently gloomy as hell NYC sky.
Good morning motivation all over the place in here. I agree with everything Lily says actually. I also had to miss that Christina tour because I was grounded and I’d rather not talk about the feelings I still have as a result of missing out on that.
Anyways, this is awesome!
For extra hipster points you have to point out that you saw them in concert “before they were big.”
Also, you know this baby could be like… Jay Z Jr. I dunno if I could handle that.
They were SO much better before they were so mainstream.
this is the best thing ever. please fix the it’s/its error in the second paragraph so i can send this to all my friends. ALL OF THEM
It’s fixed! Send it! Send like the wind!
You win at life. I hope baby B is ready for this jelly.
I saw that concert too. My first day of 9th grade, it was also Beyonce’s birthday and they sang Independent Women for the first time.
My cousin did some tracks for Destiny’s Child and Beyonce. I totally need to send this to him. :)
I kinda really dislike Beyonce, but this flowchart is hilarz.
I feel like I’m more excited for this baby than the new half sibling I’m going to have in six months, but then again I won’t have to change Beyonce’s baby’s diapers.
second-best flowchart ever (first is obvs the is-it-sex one, duh)
couldn’t agree more!!! i particularly like the diva part
maybe it’s because I’m not a native english speaker but if there were 4 of them shouldn’t it have been Destiny’s Children?
Also Also Also I fucking LOVE “Independent Women”. I have been known to drunkenly scream the “I depend on me” part while pounding on my chest.
The house I live in, I’ve bought it
The car I’m driving, I’ve bought it
I depend on me, I depend on me
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
My friends and I already celebrate Beyonce’s birthday like it’s a holiday (we call it B DAY. Yes, all caps), so when her baby is born I don’t really know what this will mean for us/my life. Maybe we can call it “BAYBÉ DAY” and get just as drunk and make an inspiration board for a House of Deréon line of toddler clothes.
Enlighten us with the delightful stuff you do on Beyonce’s birthday. Do you bake Beyonce cupcakes? Is everything you own in a box on the left side of the room?
Yes. It’s extremely important that we get a rundown of this whole event.
It basically involves listening to nothing but Beyonce all day and getting drunk (at work?) and yelling “HOUSE OF DEREON!! BEYONCE REALNESS!!!” Optional, but highly encouraged festive attire includes denim hot pants.
It basically involves listening to nothing but Beyonce all day and getting drunk (at work?) and yelling “HOUSE OF DEREON!! BEYONCE REALNESS!!!” Optional, but highly encouraged festive attire includes denim hot pants.