The Jeans Issue: Queer Fashion Guide For Various Shapes, Sizes, Styles and Gender Expressions

Compared to the root canalish experiences of shopping for bras or shopping for swimsuits, shopping for jeans is a cakewalk! But compared to lying in bed and watching television shows on DVD, shopping for jeans is like taking the LSATs naked.

Luckily, The Queer Beauty Bar is here to guide you through the jeans buying experience with minimal pain, extra humor, and a lot of care. We promise not to tell you how to look “slim” for your boyfriend or challenge your decision to shop in the men’s section.

SO! Welcome to the first-ever AUTOSTRADDLE JEANS ISSUE. As you may or may not recall, we’ve already gone through what to do with your boobs in The Bra Issue, what you should do with your bottoms area in Boyshorts 101 and what swimsuits to buy in The Swimsuit Edition. Now it’s fall and we’re working our way up to entire body-covering items of clothing! (See also: Top Ten Sweatpants)

We’re attempting to address at least 50% of your needs in this piece, but the comments are wide open for you to share tips for your own gender presentation/sexual identity/income/lifestyle/taste-in-sandwiches.

Part One: Shopping Guides
+ How to Go Shopping for Jeans Without Softly Crying to Yourself, by Fashion Editor Lizz
+ Jeans for Plus-Size Women, by Bevin aka Queer Fat Femme
+ Jeans for Girls Who Are Shaped Like Boys, by Riese
+ Men’s Jeans for Women, by bcw
+ Jeans in the Workplace, by Crystal

Part Two: Odes
+ Why I Love Bellbottoms, by Brandy Howard
+ Why I Love Mom Jeans, by Lily
+ An Ode to American Eagle, by Emily

Part Three: Notes on Style
+ This Season’s Greatest Jeans Ever by Fashion Editor Lizz
+ How Ripped Your Jeans Are Allowed to be Before It’s Indecent, by Katrina
+ Cleaning Your Denim, by Carolyn


How to Go Shopping for Jeans Without Softly Crying to Yourself

by Lizz, Fashion Editor

via donttouchmymoleskine.wordpress.com

I usually love shopping. Unfortunately, jean shopping makes everyone feel out of shape and poor. To combat this, I’ve laid out a fool-proof plan for shopping for jeans without softly sobbing to yourself in the dressing room.

1. Take inventory
Try on every pair of jeans you currently own with a top and shoes you would actually wear with it. For example, I try on my super tight jeggings with a plaid button-down and black ankle boots, but I try on my nice wide-leg jeans with a work blouse and heels. For each pair of jeans, write down the brand, size and style, and your feelings about them. Is the waist too tight and low? Do you wish the bottoms were skinnier? Now, this part is hard, but THROW OUT THE JEANS YOU’RE NOT WEARING ANYMORE. That means any pair you haven’t worn in six months. The exception to this rule is a pair that fits in the waist, hips and butt, but are too short or too long. Those can be cut into shorts. Look for any common themes on your list. Maybe you wish every pair of jeans came up higher in the waist. Maybe you love all your flares but hate all your skinny jeans. Whatever it is, identify cuts, washes and brands that you like/dislike and write them down.

2. Price it Out

Take a deep breath — the truth is that below about $110, the cost of jeans usually reflects the quality of the denim, stitching and fit. (Above $110, that is a ridiculous price.) I suggest you plan on spending no less than $50 per pair. This might be more than you’re used to paying, but a good pair of jeans can last well over twice as long as a crappy pair (which will save you money). If $50 is truly more than you can possibly afford, continue to shop like this is your minimum, but know that you’ll only be able to buy when it’s on sale.

Get Online
Now that you’ve done some deep yoga breathing to accept the cost of jeans, you have just a little more research to do. Go on a site like shopstyle.com that has clothing from lots of different stores in one place. Search for your price range and the style/color you want. This will give you an idea of what stores have what you’re looking for. Now, get out a tape measure and proceed directly to their sizing guide. Compare your measurements to the men’s, women’s and kid’s sizing guide regardless of your gender or age — figure out objectively what will fit you best. If you’re small, kid’s clothes are usually way cheaper, so you might get lucky with stores that make high quality kid’s clothing.

3. Go Shopping
First, make sure there isn’t a big sale coming up the day after you were planning on shopping. This happens to me approximately 1.5 times per month and it’s awful every time.

Wear your favorite pair of jeans and don’t forget your notebook. Bring someone who will sit and watch you try on jeans for hours without being negative. This is probably your mom or pet rabbit. If no such person exists, go alone. Whatever you do, do not bring someone with you who will comment about how much jeans should cost. This will just cause you to spend more or less than you really want to. Don’t bring your girlfriend.

Once in the store, ask a sales associate for help, and be specific! For example, ask, “Do you have anything like the ‘Always Skinny’ jeans except with a slightly higher waistband and skinnier at the bottom in a women’s size 28 or 6?” Try on every pair in the store and sit, jump, dance like Justin Bieber and show your mom/rabbit. Remember when I said wear your favorite jeans? Compare to these. You should like the jeans you’re trying on so much that you’re slightly disappointed by your old ones.

Once you’re truly in love with a pair, if the price is right, buy them on the spot. If you’re short on cash or feeling dangerous, ask the attendant if they’re going on sale any time soon. If she says no, ask about a student discount (someone will have an I.D.), a discount for getting a credit card and sign up for the store’s email list. I guarantee within a week you’ll receive an email announcing an online sale or promotional code. When you finally have them home, wear them out once with the tags still on. Congratulations, you just bought jeans without crying!


The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Shopping for Jeans

by QueerFatFemme, Contributor

via zizzi.dk

I am not the biggest fan of wearing pants in general, but when I do wear pants 99% of the time they are jeans. There are a few guidelines to finding jeans for plus size bodies, but as with all shopping, in general I use my intuition.

The first thing to remember when shopping is that jeans either work with your body or they don’t. It’s not you, it’s them. If they don’t fit just move on to the next one and don’t take it personally. Plus size bodies are all different and just because one person is fat in a certain way. Two folks who wear a 22W might have entirely different jeans fit needs–a 22W with a big ass and flat belly needs a differently cut garment than a 22W with a big belly, small ass and tiny waist.

Leslie (redhead, second from left) stars on the new TLC Show "BIG SEXY"

As with all other plus size shopping, manufacturers vary dramatically in their sizing and size charts. I suggest trying on as many pairs as possible to narrow down which size is going to work for you. Prepare yourself to feel good about your looks by being as cute as you can, do your hair (if applicable), do your make-up (if applicable), wear a versatile top you love to pair with jeans.

In terms of plus size fit and style, I consulted my friend Leslie Medlik, wardrobe consultant and star of the new TLC show BIG SEXY:

Leslie suggests:

+ Stick with the current style of pant leg (the going style, not “trend” but style). Start your search there so you look current with jeans. In style now is still a skinny leg pant and on trend for Fall is the reinsertion of the 70s style wide-leg. We are seeing a style change coming up, but it will take awhile for the manufacturers to catch up to it.

+ In terms of actual fit, they key is always making sure the waist fits but it’s not so tight you can’t breathe or that it’s not giving you an overly-accentuated muffin top. A little muffin top is necessary, especially if you have fat on your belly, but it’s all about where your fat is moving. If the jeans are giving you too much of a muffin top try a larger size.

Asos Curve Skinny Jeans

Leslie also broke down the basic jean cuts and what they mean:

+ Skinny leg should be tight all the way down to the ankle.

+ Straight leg shouldn’t be tight or full in any part, it should fit comfortably close to your leg and still give shape to the leg.

+ Boot cut should be tight in the thighs and big in the ankle.

+ Trouser cut should fit like a trouser–full all the way through.

+ Flare leg fits like a boot cut but the cut a the ankle is exaggerated.

Leslie is still wearing skinny leg jeans. Torrid is Leslie’s favorite place to shop for jeans, she really only wears Tripp Jeans and Z. Cavariccis because they keep up with what’s in style in their plus size collection.

I buy jeans from Re/Dress NYC where I am a part time Shop Girl–we have a huge selection of jeans from all different manufacturers and resale means they start at half off the manufacturer price. I also prefer embellished jeans whenever possible because I find bling a nice dazzle to an everyday outfit.

I have also had great luck buying jeans from Asos Curve. I have a pair of black skinny jeans ($54.89). I find the side-zip part fiddly but I love the look and fit.

Denim Shorts at Re/Dress - from redressnyc.tumblr.com


Jeans for Girls Who Are Shaped Like Boys

by Riese, Editor with help

photo via androgynish.tumblr.com

For Talls:

The funny thing about fashion is that all the models are tall and skinny and so women of average size/build/height can’t really discern from fashion magazine spreads what the clothes will look like on their actual bodies.

But if you actually ARE tall, magazine photo spreads do, in fact, give you a relatively useful picture of what jeans will look like on your body but when you go to the store to purchase said jeans, you will find the pants to be too short with too much hip-space. Then you have to air-dry all your jeans. It’s a hard knock life, this life of tall/skinny privilege.

I’m 5’10 and a size 4 and I find that in general, the more expensive the jean, the more likely it is to fit tall/skinny people. As a teenaged 26 x 36, the only store that carried my size (this was before internet shopping became ubiquitous) was Abercrombie & Fitch, and the only department store brands that fit were $100+ and I was 18 and so that wasn’t going to happen. Every year I re-visit Old Navy under the delusion that perhaps my hips or their styles have changed significantly since the last time and THIS YEAR I CAN BUY THE CHEAP JEANS but they never fit. It never works.

Thank Jesus for American Eagle! Online they’ve got longs AND extra longs in all sizes, but even better — they usually have these sizes ACTUALLY IN THE STORE IN STOCK as well. Almost all my jeans are American Eagle and I’ve maybe ordered from their website twice. Contributing Editor Emily works there and will talk more about it on page two, so I’ll stop.

Department store brands I generally have found to have long inseams: French Connection, Seven for All Mankind, Mavis, Lucky, Silvers, Paper Denim and Cloth, J Brand, Yanuk and James Jeans.

I’m aware that skinny jeans are all the rage but it’s taken like two years of brainwashing for me to even accept that skinny jeans are really a thing despite being the most unflattering cut in the entire universe for everyone of every body type. I think girls look super-cute in baggy jeans with a slight flare or bootcut, the end.

+

Jeans for Tall Boy-Shaped Types:

1) For basics, the American Eagle Boyfriend Jean ($34.99) and the American Eagle Hipster Flare ($29.99) both come in “Long,” which is about 36 inches.

2) You can get a little more stylish with the American Eagle Artist Jean in Sun-faded Super Destroy ($44.99) and Pure Dark Wash ($29.99). I have the latter and it makes your ass look really cute!

3) Levi’s is another place that always has heaps of inseam options, like these Levi’s RED TAB Straight Leg Jeans ($69).

4) I love this Katie Holmes look from a few years ago (she’s 5’9!):

i didn't write the numbers on these pictures, i just found it on google

To achieve it I have these vintage Levi’s 70’s Flare situations I got about two years ago that apparently are no longer for sale, as these things so often go. However the Levi’s Destroyed Vintage 60’s Flare Legs are just as cute, and these American Eagle Vintage Hipster Flares aren’t too shabby and are much cheaper than the LDVs.

5) James Jeans usually sport 34 or 35 inch inseams. I got a pair from a used clothing store six years ago, wear them 25% of the days of the year, and they’re still in primo condition. So expensive? Yes, quite. But worth it? Perhaps! I like these James Jeans Playgirl Bootcuts ($120).

6) Seven for all Mankind is another high-end denim brand with long inseams and slim hips. They run about $150-$250 retail. However, due to the explosion of 7 for All Mankind’s popularity in the early ’00s (the first time I spent over $100 on a pair of jeans was on 7s), you can often get Sevens at thrift stores, used clothing stores and even in places like Marshall’s or online bargain shopping websites. Amazon has these 7 For All Mankind Women’s Extra Long Boot Cut Jeans for $59 which are, as the title suggests, extra-long. Each style of 7s fits really differently, though, so it’s best to try them on in stores. If you can pay retail, Seven‘s Kaylie Five-Pocket Bootcut ($189) is all vintage and very distressed with a 35 inch inseam!

+

Jeans for Smaller Boy-Shaped Types:

(I obviously asked for help with this section):

1) Uniqlo Skinny Fit Jeans – $49.90 – These are Alex‘s favorite pants. I actually stole a pair of these pants from her despite the fact that I’m not Alex’s size. When I wear them I can’t breathe and I lose circulation in my thighs but they look really amazing, so. I can’t ever put them in the dryer as they’re just barely long enough (with skinny jeans “just barely long enough” works). I know I’m writing this in the short section, I just want to attest that they look good and probably feel much better if you ‘re wearing your actual size.

2) Alex says, “Lately I’ve found some success with what stores like Urban Outfitters will call “Jeggings”. Even Uniqlo has “jeggings” now. The trick is: buy these “jeggings” a size or two up. They will be skinny-fitting BUT totally stretchy and because you bought them a size up, they won’t be tight or constricting. TRUST ME. Just like these Silence & Noise Crinkle Denim Leggings ($39) I think I have these exact ones… and I think the “crinkle” totally helps the look. They never actually look like “jeggings” on me. I usually need a belt to hold them up because of how stretchy this material can get.

3) Bargains! Mossimo Supply Co. Juniors Bootcut Jean ($22.99)!

4) The Rugby Vintage Wash Boyfriend Jean offers a roomier fit and a 29 inch inseam. ($98)

5) Delia’s Mallory Mid-Rise Skinny Jeans ($44.50) come in sizes 00-20 and lengths 26-36.

6) Levi’s Modern Slight Curve Straight Leg Jeans ($68): “The perfect jean for women with straight hips, narrow thighs and a flatter seat. The Modern Slight Curve hits just below the hip, stays slim through the hip and thigh, then defines curves through the seat. It celebrates straight figures”

Also, Miss April 2011 recommends: “H&M men’s section actually makes jeans that go down to a size 26 and are pretty form fitting yet still baggy.”

Jeans for Butches / Men’s Jeans for Women

by bcw

Tiq Milan & V.Bella via dapperq.com

I’ve always only shopped in men’s sections for all of my clothes, for reasons of gender, comfort, gender, style, and gender. In the past, when I’ve bemoaned my difficulties with pants shopping, friends have occasionally asked me, ‘Why don’t you just shop in women’s?’, to which I generally reply, “Oh we mustn’t have met, my name is Marni” or “Why don’t I just smash my face with a rock.”

Setting aside the fact that I’m profoundly uncomfortable even awkwardly wandering *through* a women’s section while my girlfriend shops for bras or whatever nearby, have you seen the pockets on those bad boys? Women’s clothing really isn’t built for functionality, and I like to have all my essentials on my person – wallet, keys, phone, lighter, etc. I need portability; I need deep pockets.

That said, I’m aggressively pear-shaped, so I tend to have a really terrible, bordering-on-psychologically-damaging time in fitting rooms, squirming under those horrible fluorescent lights, reconciling the fact that my body is not the body that the jeans I’m test-driving were designed for.

My best advice is don’t be afraid to size up; if you’re going for a skinny jean style – quite the rage with the young ones I hear – and you’re shaped like me, you’re better off trying on a larger size. The jeans will fit better around your hips/waist, and will still taper the way they should. If you usually wear a 34, try a 36. I was initially spooked the first time I pulled the larger size off the rack, being mired with enough body image issues as it is, but once I tried them on I couldn’t believe this hadn’t occurred to me before. Size is just a number – it’s arbitrary, inconsistent and doesn’t matter – and nothing makes you feel as awesome as feeling like hot shit in your jeans. Real talk.

+

Team Autostraddle Recommends:

The idea here is to find brands with a wide variety of waist/inseam situations available, like Lucky Brand, Levis and Old Navy.

1) Lucky Brand is a butch go-to and it’s kinda cute that the fly always says “Lucky You”! On the pricier side we like the Relaxed Fit 227 Original Boot Cut jeans ($129)

2) For everyday jeans that will last forever, try Lucky’s 361 Vintage Straight Jeans in Old Oklahoma ($80) or Nirvana ( $99).

3) Levis are sold everywhere so it’s easier to find a bargain. These Levi’s Men’s 527 Low Rise Boot Cut Carrier Jean ($44.99) are quite dapper.

4) If you wanna get real trendy, we like the Diesel Rusy 73N Slim Jeans ($82).

5) We’re obsessed with these Buffalo by David Bitton everyday casual Evan Jeans ($99) and can-also-be-fancy Six Jeans ($89).

6) Going budget? There’s plenty at Old Navy in just about every style — we have crushes on Old Navy’s Slim-Straight Jeans in Gray Wash ($39.94) and these Distressed Boot-Cut Jeans in Dark Wash ($39.94)


Jeans in the Workplace

by Crystal, Music Editor

Many people, such as my power-suit wearing mother, are adamant that it is totally unacceptable slash unprofessional to wear denim in business/corporate environments. I think they’re wrong. I’ve dedicated the past 6 years to disproving this belief — or at very least, proving that if you stick to your denim-holstered guns then you can become the office exception.

I wear denim jeans 24 x 7 x 365, including to job interviews and to my various places of employment, and I’ve never been passed over for a job opportunity or received a slap on the wrist from HR for my attire. Whether YOU can do this will depend on your workplace, obviously, maybe you work at Goldman Sachs or some other company that has a strict ‘no denim’ policy. But if you don’t, here are my tips for choosing the right denim for the office:

Got any blacker? Dark/black washes are the way to go, it’s a lot more difficult to dress up light denim. I wear black denim exclusively and rotate them to the weekend wardrobe the moment the colour starts to fade. Opt for jeans with no coloured stitching on the back pockets or, better yet, with no back pockets, such as these denim trousers by Banana Republic ($89.50) or KUT from the Kloth ($79), jeans with fading, fraying, tearing or any other edgy design element probably won’t fly.

Not too tight, not too baggy. If your boss or colleagues can count the number of belt hoops or the exact change in your pocket then your jeans are too low and too tight and probably not appropriate for the office. I recommend tailored and slightly wide-legged jeans with a medium or high waist. My favourites are the black women’s flare or bootcut jeans from Calvin Klein ($49 – $69) Jeans.

Pretend your jeans are trousers. I suggest pairing jeans with long collared shirts, jackets or blazers that cover up tell-tale belt hoops and steel buttons. I avoid pairing them with patterned or plaid shirts, or any other top that I wouldn’t wear suit trousers with.


Next: Why Brandy loves bell bottoms, Lily loves Mom Jeans, and Emily loves American Eagle.

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177 Comments

  1. I hate jeans shopping and I am short and always need short jeans because I’m too lazy to get them hemmed. Plus, I’m cheap and hate spending money on clothes. This translates into all my jeans coming from Old Navy.

    • Wait. Someone else does this/has this problem?

      My coworkers and friends all laughed at me when I told them I got my jeans from the little girls section at Old Navy! What most of them don’t know is that I got them on sale for $10 each!

      • Hah, well I buy them in the adult section. It’s just that I can find short jeans there and most stores don’t seem carry any lengths other than “regular.” Boo. (Plus the laziness and cheapness.)

  2. H&M seems to always have what I need, whether it is skinny or baggy jeans. Also love the more femmy jeans at Zara.
    …And there’s always my brother’s closet… :P
    “Hey! why are you wearing my jeans!”
    “…ehh.. I don’t know.. they attacked me?!” o.O

    • H&M seems to be made for small Asian men which is perfect for my average women-ly shape and the style is on point in the their basic pants and shirts. Its like they are pre-tailored for me.

  3. My ideal pair of jeans is flared enough to the knee to fit comfortably over a traffic cone. They are comfortable and flattering and disguise the fact that I only have like four pairs of shoes.

  4. Autostraddle how would I survive without you? I just bought jeans last week.
    I split myself between a pair of moderately expensive jeans and a pair of cheap jeans.

    I loathe buying jeans because somehow my waist/leg proportions are different from what retail-world wants them to be and it’s a bitch finding pants that are right in the waist and not too baggy in the leg. (And avoiding the temptation of the pants that fit perfect in the leg and as soon as I lose a few pounds the waist will be perfect as well! This never happens.)

    • I have the same but opposite problem where my proportions are weird and my mom has ingrained in my head that I HAVE to buy jeans a couple sizes too big because they’ll shrink in the wash. They never shrink in the wash. They have never shrunk in the wash. I spent years hitching my jeans back up over my hips because shrinking in the wash is not a thing that happens to the stonewashed-to-death comfy faded jeans I loved.

  5. i love this. Thanks Autostraddle!

    I sometimes feel like shopping for jeans is one of the most stressful things to do, especially since i tend to wait until there are holes in my favorite (only) jeans and then try desperately to replace them while wearing something clearly inferior.
    also, sizes make no sense. i officially don’t know what size i am anywhere. and because of vanity sizing, sometimes i will think i know what size i am at a store, but then the sizes change and i’m wrong again. also my size fluctuates with winter/summer and my stress level.
    so i have jeans in a 4 size range, and i never toss anything because as soon as i do i will either go up a size or the styles change.

  6. The boy shaped tall peoples section is so relavent to me. They are always either a) too short
    b) barely cover my ass crack
    c) both

  7. i only wear american eagle jeggings. they’ve completely changed my life.
    the fit is ridiculously comfy and flattering for every body.
    my friend and i both bought the same pair, she’s 5’2 and a size 2 and i’m 5’11 and a size mammoth and we both look dope!

  8. Love this!

    My favorite jeans are my sister jeans. I don’t know why but yours fix me better that the one I bought

      • actually “no skinny jeans” was the rule for everyone on this roundtable b/c i have strong feelings about skinny jeans. we have some skinny jeans recommended in the short-boy-shaped-girl section, i think that’s it though.

        • Eh, a few snuck into the mom jeans too, but it’s fine.

          The thing is the short-boy-shaped-girl section is where I was looking, and some of the jeans there were cool (the boot-cuts!) but the one skinny jean with the button-down shirt tucked in just made me cringe. It was like I was 12 years old again, didn’t know not to tuck in my shirts, and had just grown out of my pants.

          • eek! ha, unfortunate! because alex only wears skinny jeans and she was who I consulted for that section! that little picture made me think of like a very precocious intern. Honestly though, I feel like Delias are the easiest to get b/c they’re reasonably priced and come in every variety of inseam, cut & size.

            our original concept for this (my concept) was that the point of this jeans issue was to have an entire jeans article that didn’t mention skinny jeans, but i guess it’s inevitable, lily is a rascal, and it is a style people seem to really like so maybe we were unfair to exclude it just out of my own personal sense of wrongedness re:skinny jeans. Although if I really think about it I guess I’d say the people they look best on are small boy-shaped people. But that’s just my opinion.

          • But the problem with shopping at Delia’s is that I feel like I’m a 27-year-old who thinks she’s 14. Awwwkward.

          • i feel like a 29-year-old who thinks she’s 14, but as long as i have a 14-year-old’s budget, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do

          • It think it’s really cool to tuck a button up in to your jeans. Also a fitted T-shirt if you’re going to put a blazer over it.

            This is really relevant for tall slim women because they’re less likely to have the poofy effect from big breasts.

  9. Okay I have 2 serious questions.

    1. I don’t understand what shoes you are supposed to wear with any kind of jean that is not a skinny jean. I am a short curvy girl, so skinny jeans are not necessarily always the most flattering in my hip/tummy area, but I like the way they fit on my calves and how (if I buy them in a “short” length or if I get them hemmed properly) they kind of graze the top of my canvas sneakers that I feel conflicted about wearing because the guy who sells them may or may not be a homophobic douche. Anyway! Back in the day when I wore flares or bootcuts I seem to remember a lot of extra fabric kind of dragging on the ground and getting wet when it rained. When I get non-skinny jeans hemmed they end up looking too short or too long. I don’t wear heels or really anything other than sneakers and flats, I guess I should clarify that. Also I am a size 7 so my feet are kind of little and it usually felt like my foot was swimming in all the excess denim and sometimes you couldn’t even see my feet and this felt stupid and looked bad.

    I realize this is very long and also not a single question mark was used so it might not look like a question, but it is a real serious important question (I am just wordy and long winded and apparently grammatically confused in how to pose questions.) But for real, I need advice/help/guidance, please help!! What shoes would I potentially wear with non-skinny jeans? I like some of these styles and am even considering straying from the skinny jean, but the thought of matching any kind of non-skinny jean with the “right” shoe is giving me anxiety.

    2. FREEZING YOUR JEANS?! #mindblown

    • Extra fabric totally drags around behind you. Roughly all of my pants were flared/bootcut until I moved out here and now all I own are skinny pants. BUT. With regard to shoes, the great thing about flared jeans is that it doesn’t -really- matter what shoes you wear. Cute ones that match your top, I would imagine. I mean…I don’t really know much about your presentation/expression but yeah. If you feel like your feet are drowning in fabric, hem yo’ pants. You can wear flares a little shorter. I am a tiny person with wide hips and that’s a thing that I always need to do, because my hips are ~2 sizes away from what my leg length is.
      I’m not sure if any of this made sense. BREATHE ABOUT SHOES. I mean…I personally just wear the same pair of sneakers always until I can feel pavement, so. #kanyeshrug
      Sorry I’m super unhelpful D;

    • Y’know, I’m gonna have to agree with this long-winded, anxiety-ridden “question?” :P No, but for serious. All I wear on my feet are Doc Martens. And, okay, one pair of black Keds.

      I’m 5’4 and I don’t want stupid pants that get wet and then my socks are wet and I want to die ’cause the bottoms are getting raggedy and FUCK THAT. I also don’t want to look doofy with huge pant legs and my tightly laced Docs, y’know? So far, for me, flare jeans are a no-go. UNLESS OTHER STRADDLERS HAVE ADVICE DO YOU HAVE ADVICE WE NEED IT OKAY LOVE YOU

      But, to maybe help you some, I’ve seen a lot of the business casual ladies in Philly wear flare jeans with heels. I mean, who wants to wear heels, but it’s a thing some people do.

      As far as straight-leg jeans go, I think you can safely wear them with most shoes and boots. And- not gonna front, I think a little thin double-cuffing-the-bottoms action when there are surprise socks and dapper shoes involved can look cute when your jeans are just a liiiittle too long and you want to avoid soggy/raggedy bottoms.

      • Suprise socks/dapper shoes is pretty much my entire style outlook right now. Speaking of which, where do other dapper queers buy cheap yet interesting calf socks?

        • UH-GREED! I like Happy Socks! You can buy them online- or I’ve even seen them at Benjamin Lovell stores.

          Another good place to buy exciting socks online is Sock Dreams!

          Okay, those are my suggestions. I tip my hat to you, fellow dapper queermo.

          • Thanks for the sock recommendations. Since I refuse to wear graphic tees, socks are my only option when I feel like wearing something whimsical. I recently obtained a nice pair with scottish terriers on them.

          • Oh god, I agree with your refusal to wear graphic tees. I feel like I’m in middle school when I wear them.

      • Okay, so idk how helpful this’ll be, but I’m 5’4″ too and had soggy/raggedy pants cuffs forever. Then I completely accidentally found Levi’s Signature boot-cuts in, like, a Wal-mart, and it turned out that the short sizes were exactly the right length.

        You just have to overlook that they’re mom jeans.

        • Okay I plan to go find these asap. Also I sometimes feel like I am in training to be the best soccermom ever, minivan and embarrassingly loud print dresses and all, so rather than overlooking that they are mom jeans I will EMBRACE the shit outta that.

          In short, thank you :)

      • Flair jeans sometimes fit over boots. And petite pants tend to fit okay on my 5’3″ self. I used to be opposed to skinny jeans. However, I have recently developed a strong appreciation for skinny jeans. They do go well with my love of boots and avoid the ripped pant hems that I often get.

    • OHMYGOD THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. And that’s why, when my fashionista sister told me yesterday that skinny jeans are going out of style, I actually felt like she told me we would never celebrate Christmas again, and also “Parks and Recreation” is cancelled and Celine Dion died. All of those things. They just work so perfectly and I love looking down my leg – one of the few normal looking, decent sized parts of my body – and seeing how well they fit, and then how they just brush my sneakers (also canvas, holler) and it looks fucking amazetits. Why do flare jeans want to come in and take that from me?

    • This is basically why I prefer skinny or straight-legged jeans. I’m seriously in love with my Vans and they’re wide/thick enough that any sort of flare looks superbaggy and messy. And skinny or straight jeans can be a bit shorter so they don’t get gross.

  10. The “mom jeans” bit cracks me up. I finally found a brand and style of jeans that actually fits me and is the right length (I’m in that weird no-man’s-land between petite and regular sizes), and they’re mom jeans. What do I care? My shirts are long enough to cover the extra fabric, and they make my ass look fantastic.

    Also, I don’t really care about the lumberjack pants but I want those shoes. Straddlers, you should do a shoe article.

    • I think that high waisted jeans can actually work on some women if they fit well, you know? There’s a difference between a well fitting pair of high waisted jeans and the dreaded mom jean.

  11. Thank you for this! Question though

    Where on the body do people’s boy jean’s sit? I always wear mine up around my waist as if they were high waisted women’s skinny jeans, which I don’t mind, but kind of want them to be a little lower. This means I should buy a bigger size right?

    My Levis 511s are my fav that I wear this way. Also pacsun sells a brand of jeans called Sandanista which I also like.

    • yeah, generally boys’/men’s jeans sit lower than women’s, especially given the influence of the sagging look and the fact that most guys tend to have less in the way of hips/ass than most ladyfolk. this is also why wearing a belt can be essential.

      the great thing about guys’ pants is you can usually go up a size in the waist (say from 32 to 34) while keeping the same inseam (this is the pants length), whereas in women’s jeans usually get longer when you go up a size.

      • Sizing the shrink-to-fits is hellsa hard nowadays because each pair doens’t seem to shrink equally. I used to buy old-ass (but new) shrink-to-fits at this old Army/Navy surplus store in the Tenderloin in SF. They finally closed; the owner must have been 96. I think he fought in WWII. The rule then was 4″ for the length, 2″ for the waist.

        Sorry, I always digress. Here’s my best solution for shrink-to-fits these days. Find a good online denim retailer. I’m not sure what the AS policies are on mentioning websites, so if it’s not okay to offer the following address, I will return and remove it: denimexpress. Super-cheap, every single Levi’s cut (I like 511s too), and friendly, helpful sales staff. They will gladly walk you through your sizing. (At least that’s been my experience with them 3-5 times.)

        They also have a generous return policy. I returned a pair of SHRUNK shrink-to-fits that didn’t lose enough waist size and they exchanged them, no questions asked. They also have guidelines for sizing the new 501s. I just read that Levi’s stopped making them in the US about 10 years ago, and since then they’ve become lighter (boo!), less durable and they don’t last a million years like they used to. The last factor is the worst because they always look the best as they get older.

        But they’re still the bomb and they look awesome once they’ve learned your shape. I like jeans that seem to want to please their owner. OK, I’m anthropomorphizing jeans now. I better take a nap or a walk.

        • OKAY I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT SHRINK TO FITS

          but my hips are fucking insane. Like. fucking insane.

          I like the straight leg boyish look, but I have these hips and ass that prevent me from looking boyish. I wear…probably about a 12 in lady jeans and it’s all hips and ass.

          And so I was like two in waist, four in length? I’ll get like a 31 36, or 33 36, or something. I don’t know. It was far too small is what I do know, because I’ve realized that my ass actually requires like a men’s 36 in boardshorts.

          So really what is a boi to do. REALLY.

  12. The most important thing I finally learned about jeans is to NEVER buy them in the right size. You have to buy them small, especially if they’re not stretchy.

    Ask your friendly jeans salesperson how much the jeans you’re considering will stretch, and take their advice. Unless you want a saggy ass. Then just wear your too-small jeans around the house for a couple hours, and they’ll fit perfect forever.

    • Yeah, I have several pairs of pants that are barely breathable when I’ve first taken them out of the dryer and totally comfy by the end of the day.

    • Yes, so much! I work in a jeans store and it makes me sad when people buy skinny jeans that I tell them will stretch, and they don’t believe me and buy the next size up – in a few hours they will be baggy as hell!

    • This is less of a problem as you move up the niceness scale, but otherwise, yeah. Your jeans should be damn snug in the waist and ass when you first buy them.

  13. haha i don’t think freezing gets rid of dirt or anything nonmicrobial (beer/coffee/cat hair/etc….) but imagining my roommates’ faces if they saw the freezer full of pants would be hilarious.

  14. I know I can be a whiny brat sometimes (like for instance, when there are no pictures of Kara Thrace where I feel there should be pictures of Kara Thrace) but I really, really love you, Autostraddle. Please never leave me.

  15. I totally read AE as After Ellen, as in “After Ellen is really trying to bring back the flare”

    “the (evil) really great corporation [After Ellen] I work for”

    and started questioning whether that site had 1. suddenly become a fashion trendsetter 2. gone BAD

  16. the “Kate” cut from Bluenotes is still my all-time favorite. I’m 5’5 and pretty chubby, but they sit fantastic. I have a dark wash for classy pairings with a cardigan or blouse, and a lighter one for “Just enough energy to pull on a hoodie” days

  17. Roxy, Volcom, Billabong, and some of the other surf brands have started making jeans in the $40-$70 range that are good quality and fit the shorter, not totally boy shaped type quite well. They mostly only have skinny leg, but they do have a few boot cut and straight leg styles.

    • Truth. I’m 5′ 4″, boy-shaped (mostly), with very short legs and I’ve had good luck with Roxy jeans. A low rise is most flattering on me and they seem to still be offering that option with some of their styles. And they were about $50.

      I try on jeans in stores then scour the interwebs for discount places. It takes longer, and I don’t have as much choice in washes usually, but I save much-needed ducats.

  18. I got really excited when I saw the ASOS Curve skinny jean, as I’m 5’4″, 125 lbs, and it’s pretty much all booty. I have a horrible time finding jeans that don’t gap at the back of the waistband. Then I went to the website and saw this:
    http://www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Curve-Exclusive-Indigo-Skinny-Jean/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=962955&r=2

    These jeans make this poor model look like The Grinch from behind. Ridiculous.
    Back to my initial belief that skinny jeans make 90% of girls with big asses look like ducks. Or The Grinch.

    • I think the problem with those jeans is that there is no contrast in the stitching on the pockets. Anything that’s one color like that over a rear is going to look off imo.

      • Contest! I really like jeans with no contrasting stick because I feel less like my crotch is on display when I tuck in a shirt.

  19. I’m so grateful to see the wide legged hippie jeans coming back in style… I have several pairs that I’ve been rocking faithfully, and am super stoked about finding similar styles in stores again. I have never been able to make skinny jeans work… too short and too much ass for that shit. I need some flowy bell bottoms to even out my big beautiful butt.

  20. The RSQs at Tilly’s hold up really well and fit my butch wife like a glove. She’s had her days with Levi’s or Diesel or Brown Label and then some, but the RSQ London and Tokyo cuts have been her jam for the past year or so.

    I’m kind of devout about Earnest Sewn and James Jeans, as a recovering strictly-Blue Cult kind of girl.

    • Thanks for that! i just jumped over there and found many options for my boy-shape. And they’re running a 2-for-1 specials.

  21. i hate jean shopping too butttt here are some of my favorite brands that work out about 99.9% of the time for me:

    1. Joe Fresh/ a.k.a dominion grocery store… no joke,cheap and the best clothes!

    2. Guess… super pricey but fit really well

    3. true religion :D is pricey too but worth it! they last too!

    4.I absolutely love g star jeans too. they fit soo well but i havent found money for them yet.. haha

    jean shopping is the worst:

    my tips are that i go when im in the shopping mood and positive about myself and my bank account. secondly i usually go looking for 2 types of jeans and try about 20 on and leave with 2 or 3!

  22. I love jeans. I work outside. I wear only two pairs of pants, ever: my jeans or a pair of Columbia tech pants. Mostly its the jeans. Yay!

    Thanks for the awesome queer fat girl guide, but could you maybe also do one for queer fat girls that aren’t femme? Like moi? Shopping for boy jeans when your waist is more girly is um…difficult. The legs end up SOBAGGYOMG.

    On the upside, if you’re ever in Target, the Merona jeans are awesome. Mine are a size too big (suck…but I just wear a belt), even though they are actually an 18 (my size). Go Merona for making me feel thin(ner)!

    • Second the request for butch fat girl guide! I’ve got big hips and there is a lot of junk in my trunk, guys, trying to find men’s jeans that fit is an exercise in futility.

      • Third on the request! My all time fav butch jeans were some brand new men’s Sean John jeans that I found for $12 in a Value Village. I’m all about the thrift store grab bag of jean buying.

    • Thanks for the suggestion about Merona, Imma gonna check it out. When it comes to clothes, I’m cheap, lazy and have no idea what I’m doing. Recipe for disaster.

  23. I also work at American Eagle so I found that part hilarioussss. Recently we’ve been instructed to put the “Hipster Flares” (they’re like something out of the 70’s) on the front table, so a lot of customers pick them up without realizing how absurd they are. If I see someone heading into the fitting room with those I always try to sneak some more normal-looking jeans into their pile. #doin’myjob

  24. j. crew has really really nice jeans for work/fancylike times and they fit me really well (i’m like between pear and hourglass shaped, if you it helps. but other ones from there also fit my friend who it stick-shaped)

    also, i kept reading “slimboot” as “slimbot” and getting excited for robotic jeans.

  25. 3 feelings:

    1. I’m happy about the “short boy’s section.” I constantly feel like the fashion world is punishing me for having strap-on-bearing instead of child-bearing hips…
    2. Colored skinny jeans are great. I managed to snap up a pair of plum jeans in high school and have worn them ever since. Pacsun and skater-type stores occasionally put garish colors on sale.
    3. Raccoons regularly take to mating outside my window but i have to squee over that raccoon in jeans pic. Squee!

  26. As a masculine-of-center/butchy/boi person who likes the idea of skinny jeans, I highly recommend the men’s Levi’s 510 (the super-skinny fit) — http://us.levi.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=3691988.

    Usually my problem with men’s jeans is that I don’t like when my pants are too huge in the leg/baggy/sloppy but these ones are perfect–They follow my leg and aren’t way baggy, but they ALSO aren’t all that skinny. They’re really comfortable and simple and I can usually find them in my size (or at least close enough to fix with a belt or by cuffing.)

    Anyhow that’s my two cents! Great article.

  27. Cheap Monday FTW.
    its ridiculous how good they fit.
    but because Cheap Monday isn’t too cheap…I occasionally visit H&M for my denim needs.
    without swedish designers I would be walking around naked!

  28. “The first thing to remember when shopping is that jeans either work with your body or they don’t. It’s not you, it’s them.”

    I love this. That is all.

  29. If you are lucky enough to have a ZARA store around and are semi-petite, the BOYS and GIRLS sections sell amazing jeans for like $36 full-price. The sizes are based on height and should fit if you’re under 5’7″. I got 3 pairs during their summer sale for $45 total!

  30. All of my jeans have ‘upper thigh’ holes from too much bike riding. (I’ve since relented and started wearing spandex on my commute, gross) Does this fall under the category of ‘crotch holes’?

    Is it truly too late to save them? It wasn’t their fault!

    • Oh god, this. I have no way to prevent it except buying new pants and driving/walking/taking public transit. But yes, you need to throw them out. Unfortunate I know, but do it before you make the same mistake as me and sit in them with your legs open not realizing everyone can see your good bits.

      • BOOOOOOOOOO! But ok. I’ve patched them to little avail. Maybe it’s time to finally bid them adieu.

  31. This article is pure gold! I’m also incredibly impressed that someone else shares my love for AE (Canada) straight leg jeans. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO STOP CARRYING THEM IN STORE??!?!?! Now I have to order them online :(

  32. Levis 517s are still my favorites — nobody wears ’em but me and Mexican cowboys, but they sit just right to hide my big womanly hips, the crotch is low but not too low to make me look taller, and the boot cut is wide enough but not bell bottoms style. Thanks for this piece, I totally identified with Marni’s “smash face with rock” sentiment!

  33. Re: needing to spend more than $50 on jeans, I disagree. For real, the best fitting and longest lasting jeans I ever purchased were $20 on sale from Target… and their non-sale stuff was cheap but good quality too.

    It was Australian Target so maybe it’s different, but I don’t think money equals quality. A lot of the time you’re just paying for the name.

    • i’ve had two pairs of forever 21 jeans that literally just split right open, like in the middle of the jean, not even on a seam! ditto for pants from wet seal. my AE jeans eventually wear and tear too. but my james jeans and sevens are still in perfect condition after often like 10 years of wearing them. maybe america just sucks

      • Forever 21 makes crap. I’ve never bought pants from them, but the shirts I’ve gotten have been like tissue. Worthless.

        If you aren’t going for specific brands and just shopping around in thrift stores and Sears and such (most of my clothes are from Sears and Macy’s), it really depends on the jeans. I’ve never had a hard-and-fast rule to rely on, I just gotta try ’em on and see if they fit right and will wear well. It sucks but what can you do. (I have a good feel for clothes that will last versus clothes that will fall apart in the first wash, though.)

      • whoah, that is really bad! I have never had jeans do that to me, and I’ve worn some cheap nasty jeans in my time.

        I didn’t know the brands Wet Seal, AE, James Jeans and Sevens and had to google them to get what you were saying price wise… and in that process of googling I concluded that maybe the ‘cultural differences’ between Australia and America were such that it was time for me to stfu as my experience won’t be relevant to the majority of readers here :P

    • Yeah, to repeat what other people are saying, Target outside the US is totally different. Here it’s a lot like Walmart.

      In the spirit of full disclosure, I did have a pair of $20 jeans from Forever 21 that lasted a long time before they eventually ripped (yeah, Riese not even at the seam!).

      That being said, the denim and stitching of more expensive jeans tends to be high quality. I think the exception to this rule is Abercrombie & Fitch and Holister which both seem over priced for the quality (but that’s totally totally just my opinion).

      So yes you can get good jeans for $50 or less, however this takes a lot more digging and is often much more difficult if you’re curvy, tall, short or plus size.

      • Oh ok! I just figured it would be similarly nice… that is good to know, as I was thinking of getting my friend to send me some things from American target due to their ridiculous cheapness.

        I wonder if it’s just different in the States? Like there are niiiice designer jeans here, but there are so many $200 pairs of jeans that are honestly just the same as the $55 ones I usually buy. And so many expensive jeans are just cut for tall skinny people, brands like Levis (which are about $100 here) being the exception to the rule.

        • whenever my australian relatives come to the us they always want to go jeans shopping, and when we go there they want us to bring Levis. Though I guess it’s been like 12 years since we’ve gone there, maybe things have changed w/r/t what’s available there. but i always liked shopping at the thrift stores there.

      • yes, this — abercrombie jeans fit me so well but fell apart surprisingly easy, which gave my mom lots of ammunition for why i shouldn’t buy them. hollister shit breaks too, though i never was 12 enough to fit into their pants.

        i never bought pants from J-Crew, but I found that their other stuff broke surprisingly quickly, but that was like 15 years ago so maybe times have changed.

        sidenote, i worked for GapKids, Gap and Banana Republic at various times in my life and if you get shit there and it breaks and your dog eats it, throws it back up and dunks it into a vat of jello, you can still return it for store credit.

  34. ….”they found it ridiculous. They also didn’t like that the freezer was full of pants.” What?! XD

    And mom jeans? Seriously? Groooosss. They just feel gross.

  35. what sort of jeans do i need to get a look *exactly* like the one in the jeans issue graphic? seriously. boyfriend jeans never really look like that, and it makes me weep.

  36. Okay, in defense of skinny jeans.

    1. I hated them when they first started appearing (in . . . 2004ish? 2005?) because I am definitively pear-shaped and it just seemed impossible. But! Eventually I adapted to the new skinny-jeans reality and I feel that wearing tight pants has helped me feel more accepting of my big ass. More used to it. It’s right there.

    2. I am short (I mean, not really — 5’4″ — but compared to models). The thing with skinny jeans is you can always cuff them if you need to. Boot-cut jeans can look so dumb if you do that.

    3. Plus, you’ve sidestepped the direct cuff-to-knee slush-infiltration route that wider-ankled styles offer.

    4. So easy if you’re on a bike every day! Never gets caught in your chain!

    5. Possibly my #1 jeans gripe is the near-impossibility of finding jeans without a bunch of tacky shit on them. Fake fading, fake holes, sequins, rhinestones . . . jee-zus. While skinny jeans aren’t immune to this, I’ve had much better luck finding non-atrocious washes here.

    My pants strategy these days is slim-fitting and, when possible, brightly colored — magenta, periwinkle, violet. So fun!

    • Usually J. Crew and Banana Republic are good in the “not taking a perfectly good pair of jeans and putting a bunch of ugly shit on it” department.

  37. The vast majority of jeans I wear are hand me down jeans that are now too small for my mom, but still slightly big/baggy/butchy on me.

  38. I had a total aversion to jeans for years because I live in vintage dresses but I am pretty much obsessed with Freddies of Pinewood’s reproduction 1950s utility jeans. Since I can’t afford them I’m going to make myself a pair and line them with plaid flannel because that’s what they did in the 50s and also it will make them super warm/gay.

    • I have no idea what styles they encompass and they’re probably still too pricey, but outdoor companies/catalogs like LL Bean sell flannel lined jeans. They are much nicer than wearing long johns. Usually.

      • Thanks for the tip but I actually live in New Zealand where we don’t have things like LL Bean. The reason I can’t afford the Freddies of Pinewood jeans is because shipping and the exchange rate are pretty insane but such is life when you live on a small island in the middle of nowhere.

        • It’s still going to be insanely expensive… BUT if there was ever a time the exchange rate was mildly favourable, now is it.

          • This is true. It’s only midly irresponsible to spend your student loan money on a pair of jeans, right?

          • That depends…. will having new jeans improve your outlook and thus improve you grades/work productivity?

            This is how I justify everything.

  39. “have you seen the pockets on those bad boys?” Truer words never spoken! The pockets are definitely something I love about guys’ jeans (and pants in general), since I’ve never carried a purse.

    • Word. Every time I buy girl jeans and notice the pockets carry about two quarters each, I get overwhelmed with feminist rage. My mind is flooded with images of all the burdens women have been forced to carry in societies across time and across the globe.

      Purses that can’t be thrown over a shoulder to ride there quietly without constant management/loss of one arm evoke the same reaction. So no more fucking purses either. I mean, I’m butchy but I used to cross over a lot more often. So I only own one pair of girl jeans now too. Fuck that noise.

  40. Straight-legged jeans are my favorite for sure! I don’t understand why AE doesn’t carry them in the US. Slash it makes me sad because my current jeans-buying strategy is to wait for Gap “Real Straight” jeans to go on sale.

    I also have a pair of old AE bootcuts that I wear occasionally, and a bunch of skinny jeans from Old Navy. And now I want to go buy some brightly-colored skinny jeans because those look way fun.

  41. thanks for all the jeans advice! although i must say, i hate skinny jeans seeing as im tall they make me look like im wearing my kid sisters jeans….

  42. Jeans are the worst. I’m actually boycotting jeans at the moment because I am really annoyed that I am too small for even a 00 Short. (they’re too long and too big in the waist [but perfect in the hip]. but little girls’ jeans are always too small in the hip [and often also too big in the waist which I really don’t understand!]. so what options do I have?)

    NO PANTS FOREVER!

  43. GAP’s jeans are the best. They’re a bit pricey, but honestly I think it’s worth it. Especially if you sign up for a credit card for the discount and promptly cancel it later! I do it all the time. Plus, GAP is for the Gay And Proud, right?

  44. I would live in jeans if given the choice, lately I’ve been rocking the low rise mens Levis. I have to have low rise jeans because I wear them absurdly low (I started doing that 13, it’s not going to change any time soon). You won’t find me in skinny jeans, mom jeans, or flares, no effing way that’ll ever happen.

  45. I buy most of my jeans from Uniqlo because they offer free hemming for all their pants. I’m 5’1″ so that is essential.

    Also, according to their website they sell a pair of men’s jeans made of raw denim for $80. I’ve never seen raw denim jeans going for less than $200 so that’s pretty impressive.

  46. As a very mildy-curvy, fairly average sized androgynous-leaning person, H&M jeans are my shit. (The only thing is, I’m 5’3 and I get a 29, they’re always a little too long but I don’t mind when they bunch up a little at the bottom) I like to think I’m a rockstar and something about the so-dark-wash-your-legs-are-blue-for-weeks skinny jean makes me look just about as badass as I imagine myself to be. I literally own 5 pairs and no other jeans. I like how thick and durable they are and how once you really break them in they are like pajama-comfy. Plus the skinny jean is just loose enough for me while still fitting well. Def my favorite!

  47. THIS IS SO RELEVANT RIGHT NOW, BRILLIANT ARTICLE.

    I loathe jeans shopping. For years I just wore my sister’s hand-me-down jeans because I just couldn’t deal with the psychological trauma. But a week ago I I finally caved in and went, because I had exactly one pair of jeans and they didn’t even fit me right.
    I went to Jeans West (I’m in NZ) and now I have PERFECTLY FITTING black straight-legs and a pair of “boyfriend fit” jeans I roll up at the cuffs and wear with some lace up ankle boots.
    You guys, it was the most painless shopping experience of my life. The salesguy kept bringing me jeans and shirts from the guy’s sections with tips on how to size them correctly and I felt so goooood.

    Also I wear jeans with suspenders because I love them but nbd.

  48. I read “taking the LSATs naked” and immediately thought “Lesbian SATs?” I refuse to Google it, because frankly, I don’t care what it really is, and furthermore, if there is ever a lesbian SAT test, I am most certainly taking it naked.

  49. I’m 5’11”, and 7s are heavenly. I usually have to search around a lot for jeans though – my height’s not as beneficial as it seems either. I’ll keep some o’ these suggestions in mind.

    Thank you, AS. :)

  50. Would you look at that! And I’m going jean shopping tomorrow. I hate shopping for clothes period, especially pants. I’m 5’11 long limbed with curvy holy mother of god child bearing hips and I love skinny jeans. Bloody nightmare to find. Also I avoid trying on men’s jeans because I’m convinced there isn’t a pair that will go past my hips… but I want the pockets -.-

  51. I’m pretty sure I read this entire fashion article while eating mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce.
    P.S. It was a lot of mozzarella sticks and they were delicious.

  52. Do you have any advice for those of us who are skinny, long legged, and have hips? I don’t quite fit in the boy shaped category as I have some good sized, distinctly feminine hips. It’s always a pain going jean shopping because I find pants that either fit fine in the leg and are extremely tight around my hips, or fit my hips but are saggy and horrible in the legs. The only things I’ve found are the Sundance jeans, which are really, really expensive for a poor college student.

  53. I have essential advice for the perpetually broke amoungst us.

    I buy pretty much all my jeans on eBay. Once I figured out what brand of jeans I liked and what size I should buy them in, I stopped buying jeans in stores. I have bought Wrangler jeans for as little as 15 – 20 euro a piece (excl. postage) on multiple occasions, in multiple styles. Yes, it’s crucial to do research beforehand as to what size you need, obviously, but when something does go wrong, and it doesn’t fit you can always send it back, and all you loose is your postage.

    I’ve been in Wranger/Levi’s jeans for the cost of a pair of H&M’s for years now. Just saying.

    • Oh and for those with big breasts and/or small ribcages like yours truly, there’s a whole bunch of Freya bra’s on Ebay for ± 20 euro a piece. (Again, only if you’re sure of your size and know what styles fit you.)

    • This is indeed epicly good advice for anyone with the time/energy. A lot of people sell their lightly used or totally new designer jeans/high quality jeans on eBay and you can make them YOURS! This goes along with writing down all the specs for a pair of jeans that fits you in person. Just make sure you’re not getting sold fakes.

      • There’s so much new stuff out there, it amazes me how/why it’s there for that price. And I never really worried about things being fake. For some reason, I have the feeling that that applies more to real fancy brand stuff like Gucci-jeans and Ray Ban glasses than to the slightly above average brands that I tend to buy.

        (Also, to stress my point: slightly used second hand Ben Sherman shirts for 5 euros incl postage! New, leather All Stars Chucks for 50 euros! And so forth, and so forth.)

      • yes, i’ve sold a ton of my own designer jeans on ebay, actually! it was like the first thing i would do when i ran out of money

  54. i have a friend who works for levi’s and he is a jeans magician. he can look at you, figure out your size and the type of jeans you like and would look good in. it made jeans shopping so much easier. everybody should have a jeans guru to turn to.

  55. it’s funny how ‘girls shaped like boys’ always means ‘skinny girls who are shaped like skinny boys’ what about girls shaped like overweight boys who don’t want to wear men’s jeans and just want regular women’s jeans?!

    • right! that was my first thought when i saw that section. love the article, especially the freezing jean thing.

      but yeah, i am shaped like a non-skinny boy and wear both men’s and women’s clothes.

  56. Thank you for this thing
    I can never find jeans with enough room in the back.
    Skinny jeans were a moment of self-imposed tourture
    I should’ve been looking for these high waist fare leg or bell bottom jeans I’ve always thought they were adorable

  57. I can’t help but notice the lack of discussion regarding raw/selvage denim (anyone?). Shout out to the gays in unwashed heavy-gauge hard denim – y’all look hott.

    Nudie, A.P.C., Somet, Jean Shop, etc. Imo, if you’re going to pay for designer you might as well distress it yourself.

  58. Bershka! Their jeans are all E20 and I’ve worn the same pair at least 5/7 days a week for the past year and they are just as perfect as the day I bought them. Unfortunately the $1000 plane ticket to Europe kind of breaks the bank…

  59. I’m drunk and all hopped up on jean tips and may not sleep until my closet has been freed of all its denim tragedies!

  60. But what if you’re tall and fat? (by jeans makers standards) It’s really hard to find anything in a 32X36

  61. There is a section I feel that is missing. So you hit the “tall and shaped like a guy” but when you did the “shape like a guy and not tall” you have a bunch of skinnier jeans on there. Not my style at all. I’m shaped like a small dude and I am 5’6 (size 0). I need jeans that are fit but don’t make me look like I am wearing skinny jeans nor like I am wearing man’s jeans. Where is my section? Also, I shop exclusively at Buckle for my jeans. They have wonderful people who wait on you for hours just to pick out one pair.

  62. I love my jeans however I really, really hate having to go buy them >.< i'm quite short and carrying a little chub around the waist so usually I have to decide do I want my jeans too tight or too long :/ I think dorothy perkins is the only place i've found a pair of jeans that fit me well

  63. What if you’re 16 and want masculine, deep pocket jeans, but your mom won’t let you buy from the boy’s section?

  64. quick comment because I am in an airport lounge with crappy internet and can’t read everything but I realized yesterday in h&m that I like a strong crotch on my Jeans, it makes all the difference

  65. I haven’t worn jeans in 3 months but after reading this article I marched right out to goodwill and bought two of the best pairs of jeans I’ve ever seen, for $8 each. I’d like to thank you for inspiring this opportunity for personal growth.

  66. Hey! What about us tall as heavy set women… it’s impossible to find jeans that fit! not to mention long legs too Ugh! Either too baggy, too short, to tight in the thighs and to loose in the waist…I’m at a loss!

  67. What really works for me are men’s skinny jeans. I have fairly wide hips, and the problem with, say, (men’s) straight leg jeans is that, as a few others commented, while they fit at your hips they look really baggy in the legs, which also makes me look extra short (I’m already 5’2″), and they’re a nightmare to hem (looks either too short or too long). I went out shopping for jeans yesterday and got two pairs of Levi’s, a 511 and a 591. They both fit really well, but right now the 591 is more comfortable, although I’m pretty sure it’s the wash.

  68. Pingback: Linkage, Buying Jeans and a New Episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket | Queer Fat Femme

  69. Umm,did you really just advise pear-shaped people to go size up for a better fit? That’s the worst idea ever. Jeans that fit my ass/legs are loose as fuck around my waist as it is. With most pairs, I have to squeeze them with a belt so tight it looks like I have a dick

  70. I know that this article is basically done. But. If you live in the SF Bay area, just go to Slash Denim in Berkeley. You’ll be in and out in 15 minutes and you’ll look hot. I don’t care what size you are. 15 minutes & hot, guaranteed.

  71. American Eagle jeans are my best friends. I have 2 pairs from there and I have had 1 pair for 2 years and the other for 3. Go American Eagle. That is all.

  72. Can we get some queer fashion suggestions re: button up / collared shirts? I feel like this can be kind of an androgynous staple that I want to adopt, but 1) how do you fit these darn shirts anyway, they always look weird to me 2) where is a good place to buy such things especially so that I am more likely to look like a homo

  73. I adore this site! Autostraddle never fails to get me out of a proverbially sticky situation, I like what you said about inventory, I have approx 25 pairs of jeans, I wear about 6 of them… IF I’m lucky.. I hope my local thrift stores will appreciate my donation
    Thanks!

  74. Cela pourrait aider à vous offrir l’espace de stockage que vous êtes chercher et peut-être même une aide pour vous donner un look élégant et élégant avec tout le sac en cuir. Lorsque vous vous apprêtez au sac en cuir il y a quelques conseils, que vous devriez envisager qui vous permettrait d’obtenir un particulier qui pourrait sembler juste raison sur vous. Elle peut être parfaite pour la porter à toute réunion, voyage d’affaires en ligne ou parti. Il a beaucoup de chambres qui peuvent préserver tous vos facteurs cruciaux séparément. Ce sont en fait à la mode et là-bas décent de couleurs différentes qui peuvent aller bien avec n’importe quel type de robe. Il a le choix entre élégante et peut ajouter un éclat à votre regard. La grande question sur le cuir est le fait qu’il peut être difficile, expert et élégant. Cela pourrait contribuer à améliorer la durée de vie sur le sac à bandoulière en cuir tout en lui-même. Puis, vous pouvez choisir de vous assurer que vous allez avoir une couleur qui va dire ce que vous voulez dire qu’il.

  75. En outre, ils sont accessibles à des prix moins chers et plus très abordables ! Possédant néanmoins des préoccupations de nos accessoires est difficilement authentiques de nombreuses fois ces derniers temps. C’est pourquoi un sac en cuir base courrier est plutôt authentique à posséder. C’est un gros Report qui a généralement une grande quantité d’emplacement pour tous les bibelots, que nous avons d’avoir par moments avec nous. Nous tous comme à incorporer nous-mêmes avec beaucoup de choses et qui ne s’applique pas seulement à nos maisons. Avis sur la façon dont plusieurs difficultés vous produisez fréquemment vos poches et votre porte-monnaie peut être dans les circonstances appropriées mis pour utiliser comme un dispositif en raison de son poids corporel. Néanmoins obtenir des troubles dans nos accessoires est actuellement tout à fait quelques reprises de peine véritables. C’est pourquoi un sac de courrier axée sur le cuir est assez authentique d’avoir.

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  77. I have the tall boy-shaped problem… I’m 5’11” and a uk 10 and today I finally bought some straight leg jeans that don’t make me look lankier than I already am.

    I’m kind of surprised at the skinny jeans hate in the comments… I’ve worn them religiously for the past 7/8 years and I think they are the best kind of jeans on me.

    I wonder if it’s a more British trend??

    I don’t like jeggings though, at all.

  78. Essi sarà in nessun caso ignorare le cose che possono essere “in” sul mondo fashion show e il tentativo di catturare quegli scorci di stile del mondo nel proprio abbigliamento come le scarpe! Nessuna meraviglia produttori di scarpe e proprietari di marchi sono sui loro piedi per soddisfare le esigenze di milioni di donne in tutto il mondo e vogliono saziare la loro nel loro proprio modo speciale.

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  81. EShakti.com can make custom fit jeans and other clothes. I finally gave them a try and was surprised at how reasonable their prices are for custom made pieces.

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