Hello, Kipper. Hello, Arnold. Don’t you think life would be great if we were all animated British dogs? I sure do. This was an extra-special week in my life as a real-life American human because the Internet came 3-D not once but twice! I drove north to the hinterlands and met Intern Grace and Girlfriend Meg in their homeland and let me just tell you, dear reader, Grace is the bee’s knees. You can check out some of her work from this week here. I wasn’t the only person enjoying web 3.0, some of our family went to Shedonism in Las Vegas many many weeks ago and Jessica reported from the front lines. You can bring the Internet to life with your very own Autostraddle t-shirt which might make you easily spottable if, say, an adorable reader were to come into your work. We used graphics to look at your demographics from the reader survey, and Laneia helped us out because really we’re all just people. Riese counted down the top 10 L Word guest stars, we watched ”Shirt Straight Girls Say To Lesbians”, and some of you decided that it was time to break up. Sarah Croce nursed you back to health with vegan black bean spinach soup and Carolyn made your nights easier and more delicious with coconut mango chicken.
On NSFW Sunday Will Seduce You With Your Really Embarrassing Lesbian Sex Stories!:
The Yaxley Minerva Award to Amanda:
On This Video of Rachel Maddow Holding a Baby:
The Or The Best Thing Ever That he Slept In Her Arms Award to Lindsay: “Watch this baby grow up and be a lesbian. It’s obviously going to be the biggest regret of her life that she slept through Rachel holding her.”
On VIDEO: Shit Straight Girls Say To Lesbians:
The Decoupage Award to dizzy:
The Haven’t You Ever Seen South of Nowhere? Award to Pand: “Straight girl- what do you lesbians do in bed?
Me- build fortress’s and eat away our feelings.”
On Get Yours Now: Autostraddle A-Team T-Shirts Are Back and Calendars Are On Sale!:
The Spambot Award to Bisexmatches.com: “i like this Shirt….i am bisexual , i love site Bisexmatches.com”
On The Comic Sans Project Rethinks Your Least Favorite Font:
The Fisting Award to Riese: “i just remember that they tried to get me to use a “pencil grip” to fix the fact that i fisted all my pencils”
On You Need Help: We’re All Just People:
The Of The Places You’ll Go Award to Salicet: “one boob, two boobs, me boobs, you boobs,
big boobs, small boobs, old boobs, new boobs,
this one has a little star
this one has a little scar
Say! What a lot of boobs there are!
Some are pale and some are dark,
and some boobs have some stretch marks
From there to here,
From here to there,
Awesome boobs are everywhere!
some are thin and some are fat,
some are round and some are flat,
Here are some that sag a bit,
and here are some that don’t quite fit.
Not one of them is like another,
Don’t ask us why, go ask your mother.
Oh me, oh my, oh me, oh my!
What a lot of boobs to eye!
They’re all so grand; they’re all so great,
All boobs are undoubtedly first rate!
From there to here,
From here to there,
Awesome boobs are everywhere!
(with SINCERE apologies to Dr. Seuss)”
On Our Gay Las Vegas Adventures: Shedonism:
The Like Stimulating the Economy Via Excessive Time Spent in Tanning Salons? Award to Rachel:
On Real Men Don’t Wear Nail Polish, They Wear AlphaNail:
The D.A.R.E. Award to Megsly: “I only drank manly Dr. Pepper because I thought it was cheaper than T.”
On Who The Hell Are You? – What The Autostraddle Reader Survey Told Us About You:
The 800 Times Better Than a Penis Award to Siren: “I don’t think any of the “how I got here stories” compare to mine: I was sixteen and one of the autostraddle writers popped up on chatroulette. She said she didn’t like boys, and I was like OMG ME NEITHER! WHAT DO I DO?!?? And she sent me here.”
i really enjoyed your description of this week on autostraddle
that is always my favorite part of the comment awards. and i love kipper.
“Shirt Straight Girls Say To Lesbians”?
I feel that this typo has the potential to create awesomeness but I just got back from work so my brain’s too tired. Anyone wanna help me out?
“t-shity” has always been one of my favorite typos.
KIPPER!! <3
just when I thought I couldn't love Autostraddle more…you drop a Kipper reference.
Yo comment awards winners, I’m really happy for you and imma let you finish, but the Boob Song was the best Internet comment of all time. OF ALL TIME.
Agreed. First and only thing that I thought of when I read the title comment awards. Boob song is made of Win :)
One day I shall get an award and it shall be glorious huzzah! Because, although I am young, the more I hang out with dudes I am like ehhh where are the laadies cos ya’all are sexy.
First week on Autostraddle and i got a comment award, I was like hale berry when she won the Oscar. My best friend didn’t appreciate the 3AM phone call. especially when she realized she was the straight girl in question. think im gonna have to put this on my CV under achievements. how the fuck do you like me now build a bear.
Laura, you’re definitely the bee’s knees.
I REALY like that boobs poem! My day has been made!
!!!
I got a comment award?
This is almost as good as the time I won the school spelling bee in the fourth grade. Except you bitches didn’t give me a trophy.
! Real life meets the internet! Shazam! What a frabjous week :D