My skin and my sense of humor are very dry. My skin is sensitive, but I am not. I’m half-Jewish, and so is my hair, which means it requires a lot of taming. Also I like eyeliner.
It’s winter. Or as my skin likes to call it, Scaly-Snake-Monster Season. I imagine, of course, that people flee from me as I walk down New York City streets because, right about two weeks ago, I transformed into essentially a giant humanoid alligator.
This is the stuff that makes it possible for me to face another day in the cruel, harsh, unforgiving world.
Coconut oil, a ton of Burt’s Bees, and the best hair oil (for my head) on this earth.
“I may eat dairy and eggs again now, but I’m sticking with these perfect vegan products, suitable for carnivores or vegans or anyone in between.”
Shampoo bars, a life-changing clay mask, and a bunch of things to make your skin shiny and glowing like a spaceship.
Here are two fun makeup looks for your holigay festivities, my fellow monolid-blessed beauties. One glam, one funky, both very wearable and easy to recreate. Now get your boldest eyeliner out, because it’s time to sparkle!
Pair with a solemnly regal air and flashing eyes that strike fear into the hearts of men.
My knees look like I’ve been crawling around in the fireplace. My lips are so dry you could peel off a layer and roll a joint in it. I’m itchy as hell y’all, but thankfully, I have an arsenal of products to keep me whet as a whistle.
Pumpkin everything is the highlight of my autumn, but as you may well know it’s also the center of a lot of unnecessary girl hate. Demonizing girls for liking pumpkin flavored things is silly, so let’s snuggle up by the fireplace celebrate with a pumpkin spice smokey eye.
Sweet-smelling products for the dandy in you.
Something truly wonderful is happening. Cosmetic companies are expanding their lipstick colors beyond the standard red-orange-pink-purple-burgundy spectrum and into the land of black, yellow, green and blue lipstick.
It’s more likely that an extra 10 mins in the AM will realistically be spent sleeping, if not figuring out what to wear once I roll out of bed. That’s not to say that I don’t have a slew of products that help a lazy Lydia look as though I put in a smidge of effort, even though I probably didn’t.
If you have an unusually sensitive sense of smell, as I do, perhaps you also have an intimate relationship with febreeze to-go and maintain a scented artillery at all times.
It’s peak Pumpkin Spice Latte season but early forecasts predict Polar Vortex 2: Electric Boogaloo and the time to address seasonal dry skin issues is now, not the middle of December when your car is buried under five feet of snow and your plans for the day are “huddle in a ball and hate everything.”
It’s time to introduce you to my last and final monsters. These were the people I had wanted from the very beginning, actually, they were pretty fully realized into their own identities — working with everyone else in the project involved pulling out their narratives a lot more to get what we wanted, but for these three… my muses! It was not so difficult.
Doing your hair yourself is fun, much cheaper than going to the salon, and probably only moderately hazardous to your health.
“Putting yourself first and living for yourself and your opinions is generally attributed to selfishness, which is seen as negative. But you need that most of the time, to survive, because you can’t please everyone and you have to live with yourself first.”
“I used that lip gloss, that purple holographic, because I knew it would look great on her, but I wanted it to look like she just ate some futuristic fruit and she was so happy about it she didn’t bother to wipe her face. The glitter in her hair looked like a halo in the dark. After the portrait she told me she planned on sprinkling glitter in her fro on a regular basis.. She couldn’t stop smiling.”
“A feminine monster, happy chaos in rainbows and minty lip tar.”