There’s a difference between domination as a way to take control or claim power over another person — the way certain lovers have done with me — versus domination as a way to provide comfort and care, and to grow one’s power without harming anyone else.
This is precisely what I admire about cholas, and what I wanted to emulate for myself as a femme. These women were highly feminine, but not the dainty kind, the kind that has lived a thousand years.
If the Dean positions are largely dominated by men, guess who the most punished group in school is.
I don’t want to be pigeonholed into a specific category or subject; I want to be seen as everything and nothing. I want to be seen as authentically myself, and to push myself to fully experiment with my favorite art.
“I sat there staring at my laptop screen soaking in the news that my love of flirty summer dresses, brightly hued tights, wine-colored lipstick and smiling radiantly in photos made me invisible to those I wanted most to be seen by. I thought I had to make a choice between authenticity and visibility.”
Red lipsticks, coffee soda, Sephora’s beauty class for trans women, American Girl dolls, Steph Beatriz, soap operas, Janelle Monáe, Hannah Hart, a stone femme, and so much more!
We all need this queer femme fight club, the best songs of 1998, a photo project I’m yelling about, the female price of male pleasure, Jessamyn Stanley continues to be great, a Mr. Rogers biopic that no one asked for, and so much more!
The following eight memoirs, which deal with gender, food, writing, relationships and more, reflect soft femmes, tomboy femmes, chapstick femmes, and other femmes who aren’t all that femmey.
“Butch/Femme is important to me because butches and femmes writing and discussing what it meant to be who we are shaped my understanding of myself and how I can show up in the world.”
My nails may contribute to the erasure of my queer identity, but they represent a departure from following other people’s rules — and instead listening to my own voice.
There are some adorable outwear options for tomboys, too.
Things get weird for this one year anniversary of What I Wore!
“This was going to be my last interaction with the heterosexual agenda for an entire week and I needed to keep my eye on the prize.”
I did my own research, aka I texted a bunch of my queer and trans friends to ask them about their body hair. What do you do with your pit hair? How does that choice connect with your gender, your other identities, cultural or family expectations?
What I wore to the craft brewery, running errands, and getting my oil changed!
“One way we can change the narratives around our sexuality and our erotic bodies is by taking up space as sexual beings and celebrating other women and femmes doing the same.” This zine is on it.
What I wore on Election Day and Post-Trump.
This week: I dress up as Carol Aird to go to Target, get sporty and outdoorsy to go to the doctor, and, yes, revisit the tire shop.
This week I channel women in film/TV to navigate the comedy show, a rock concert and the sport bar.
If they are feeling hurt by people who don’t want to use their pronouns or just by a long day of having to gender in the world, listen to them and ask how you can help ease the stress.