Closets suck, generally speaking, but sitting in mine gave me joy. This is a coming out story that doesn’t neatly fit in the queer community, much less my own mind.
The first time someone described Casey as having “stalkerish” tendencies, I defended her. For the most part though, I didn’t talk about it.
“I’ve been dating this person for four years who is genuinely the light of my life but has some anger management issues. Though they would never, ever turn that anger towards me, it still terrifies me just witnessing it. They are aware of it, but I don’t think they’ll ever go to therapy about it. They don’t really want to even though they acknowledge it’s a problem.”
Victims/survivors in general are expected to seek help from law enforcement to escape from abusive relationships, but the police are sometimes the most dangerous and threatening forces in the lives of marginalized folks, even those who have an abusive partner, friend, or relative. For that reason, community support is central to assisting victims and survivors of domestic violence.
“That instinct, to lie or protect the men who abuse us, is hard to explain. It comes from being afraid of the person who is abusing you, of course, but also afraid for the changes that honesty will force. We don’t want to endanger the men who hurt us, because we love them and we don’t think we can live without them… If anything, my identification as a feminist made the idea of disclosing the abuse even more difficult, because I thought it was something I was letting happen to me and it embarrassed me.”
“It eventually stopped. I don’t know how long it went on for. I’m not sure where I live, but I know it’s not in my body; everything felt like nothing and I didn’t know where that place was.”
Organizations around the U.S. understand that the barriers queer people in abusive partnerships face are related to issues that are bigger than the relationship. They envision an end to all violence faced by queer people.
“She acts like she’s such a victim when obviously there was abuse on both sides.” Awkwardly, I shrug my shoulders and look around the room. My partner doesn’t notice how uncomfortable she’s making me because she’s caught up in her own conjectures: “It’s like how we are sometimes.”
I think about how to avoid street harassment, sexual assault and rape every single day. ‘Project Unspoken: I Am Tired Of The Silence’ could be the beginning of a conversation that can maybe give voice to exactly how awful that is.
“The further away I got, the clearer it became. She had been my first serious girlfriend after a succession of boyfriends, and I was more in love than I had ever been before. But the relationship stretched and accommodated behavior I likely would have never taken from a man.”
Republicans may have succeeded in making sure the Violence Against Women Act doesn’t have any protections for LGBT people — unless Obama vetoes it.
The Violence Against Women Act was going to be updated to include protections for gay people, undocument immigrants, and Native American communities, but House Republicans are doing their best to make sure it isn’t.
“Is the violence any less real, is the danger any less real because you happen to be gay or lesbian? I don’t think so.”
Ohio judge Paul Spurgeon ruled that because same-sex couples aren’t legally married, they aren’t entitled to protection from domestic violence.
Australian researchers found that gender-based violence puts women at a much greater risk of mental health problems. Hopefully the new guidelines around healthcare for women will help with that.
The State and Justice Departments are teaming up to give you kind of a nice Friday – it should now be a lot easier for trans people to get accurate passports, and new guidelines on partner violence are also going to apply to queer relationships. Also, gay Republicans at LA Pride, angry gay Bostonians, the superstar teen sailor is missing, Exodus International wants you to know it’s sorry but you’re still going to hell, and a Jewish/Arab lesbian feminist has some thoughts to share.