RFamily Cruise 2007 Recap Part #2: with Video!

This post was originally published on me personal blog in 2007 and was transferred here in March 2009.

7/14/07: The weirdest part of returning from the cruise is remembering that everyone’s not gay anymore. You re-adjust your mindset to auto-gay while aboard, and I today on the subway I thought: “Wow, there’re so many hot gay girls in the city these days!” and then remembered: “Oh yeah. Those girls look straight because they ARE straight.”

Also weird: I got about 1.5 hours of sleep last night and I’m still awake. I don’t know why. It’s either stimulants or insanity or both. When I first woke up, I wasn’t sure if my dreams were reality or not, and I had to double-check with Hav that no one had a foursome last night. Also, Lainy somehow packed one of my Chuck Taylors and both of my flip-flops (I hate flip flops in non-cruise context, so this’s not a big deal, but man do I miss that Chuck Taylor) in her suitcase, and I’m supposed to go to her place to obtain it, which seems unfair. I cannot do this. Instead I will just wear my cowboy boots.

Somehow I managed to get off the boat without my passport or filling out a customs form and possibly still fucked up from the night before. I’m like Johnny Depp but without a stunning jawline. Where is my passport? Good question. I haven’t seen it since I boarded on the first day. I’ve been feeling like Natalie Rabey lately [she likes to live on the verge]: though I frequently lose things like hats and sunglasses and umbrellas, it’s rare for me to misplace a key item like a passport and I’ve never lost a phone or a wallet (howevs: the Philly phone theft was not my fault whatsoever, and I mean that: I’m really good about accepting blame for things, even things that aren’t my fault, so when I say “not my fault,” I’m serious). I’m really on a roll these days, though.

The most brill event of the cruise, as featured on broadway.com, was the reading Heather and I put together for “Living it Out”/”Live it Out” (I like the former, Carly prefers the latter). Everyone seemed concerned we weren’t enjoying our vacation. However, relaxing gives me anxiety attacks, so I may as well be anxious, you know? It’s more productive. Heather, who stage manages Altar Boyz and pretty much whatever else you throw at her, assured me it was “fun.” It was fun! So yeah, we did a reading starring Andrea McArdle and Haviland Stillwell … omg I have so many bug bites I am going to scream or itch all my skin off. Probs the latter.

[P.S. I stopped taking photos. Layla has a bunch, which I’ll post as I get them.]

ALSO UPDATE: Speaking of the cruise … I wrote an essay about the R-Family Cruise I went on last year (Alaska 2006) and my dear friend Haviland, and it just went up on OurChart! Check it out and write me something nice.

Sunday Top Ten:
Really Just “Cruise Blog, Part Two” but Told in the Format of a Top Ten, Highlighting the Highlights of the Last Four Days of the R-Family Cruise.

10. Night Watch: 7/13-14

Jenn, Riese [me, obvs], Heather, Megan, Haviland, Mary Mitchell

On the last night, backstage, following Annie: champagne for everyone and their mothers. Andrea threw Megan against the wall: “This is for the DVD extra deleted scenes, when Sydney pushes Parker against the wall and shows her who’s boss.” [Seriously though, that’s only the beginning of the amazingness Carly and I have planned for the DVD extras.] Anyhow, the champagne: entire bottles. Of Moet. So Heather slipped one in her bag, later we uncorked it in the hallway with surprisingly minimal poppage.

We all needed to sleep, to pack, to get up early … instead, we drank in the piano bar while campaigning for Megan to sing, for Hav & Megan to do “Take me or Leave Me,” for more champagne, poured into flutes, filling empty air with sugary bubbles. Later in the night–though I don’t know when, because I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what time it was, Megan noted: “I have no recollection of any time before this conversation.” It feels that way sometimes. We spent the last two waking hours — Heather, Haviland, Megan, Layla, Maddie and I — laughing in the smoky darkness of H+H’s stateroom. The sunrise, I hear, was perfect.

9. Boogie Nights: 7/13

We’re admiring A.McArdle’s Juicy separates — in particular, her bedazzled ass — and telling her how smokin’ hot she is, and she says: “But I’m like: the 70’s!” This was much funnier in person. I don’t know how to tell you that.

8.Wild Things: 7/10

Drinking Party, Courtesy of Room Service and the Pirate Liquor Store

Since I’m the Queen of Smuggle, I picked up some Smirnoff at the local liquor store in Key West and then poured said Smirnoff into water bottle and then re-boarded the boat. They don’t let you bring liquor on board : I guess it’s mostly so they can make more money, but perhaps there’s more to it than that. International Outer Space Laws or something.

It just occurred to me: maybe I am invisible? I feel like I’ve opted out of everything required and all the rules all week, and no one seems to notice or care or I guess just dare to challenge me, which makes me worry perhaps I have no more skin and everyone can see through me?

I mean … wow. OK:

  • I smuggled some prohibited things onto the ship.
  • Boarded without a ticket, also not on the room list.
  • Skipped the lifejacket drill.
  • Drank vodka from the mini-bar and replaced it with water, avoiding cost.
  • Smuggled Smirnoff onto the ship in a Dasani bottle.
  • Made about 400 copies without paying until the last 15 or so, when they got a new desk clerk.
  • Stole an inner tube that’s supposed to cost $20 to rent.
  • Scheduled an event which conflicted with a already scheduled activity and got that activity canceled. for our event.
  • Enjoyed free drinks at private events simply for being best friends with Haviland .
  • Ordered room service simply to obtain mixers (juices are not free usually) for our smuggled alcohol.
  • De-boarded without a passport.
  • Walked right by customs, since I hadn’t filled out a form yet, because I’m stupid and didn’t know we had to.

I think that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

7. Incredibly True Adventures: 7/11

I’m not big into the beach, swim suits, sand all over my skin, etc. But this private island at Grand Stirrup Cay was too beautiful for me to be cynical, even when I got my hands sticky from watermelon. The Island was my only shot at getting tan but Haviland made me put on suntan lotion. Boooo . By this point, I’d totally stopped taking photos because Heather and I were so busy putting together the reading that I couldn’t really think about much else, like pictures. But other people took pictures. Like Jenn and Nick, photographed on your left.

We stole a big raft/inner tube thing and laid on it–Heather, Lainy and I–talked about Susan Powter and stared at the clean blue sky and big sun. Then we heard a little voice yell “Heather Joy!” and turned to see a cute Havi-head bobbing in the water, nearing us. “Heat
her Joy I’m swimming all the way out here I better get a kiss!” And it was so funny. Almost as funny as my bathing suit which did not match. Layla’s got a photo or two of that situation.

That’s Jenn and Nick on the left.

Jenn, Ross and Nick after that, and then a lovely photo I took of Heather and Haviland on our way out to the island.Heather and I had to go back to the ship to make fliers and stuff for the reading, confirm space and actors, etc., then we came back out for the island dance party and drank a lot of tequila really fast, then spent the night chillin’ with Caroline, who works at Cattyshack and is Heather Matarazzo’s girlfriend. Later she called Heather-M and I talked to her on the phone and was like “What’s up? Why aren’t you here?” because I’ve been her fan for like, for-ever, since Welcome to the Dollhouse, obvs.

6. Boys on the Side

This is a photo of the one time I did not either eat at
The Garden Cafe
or skip a meal altogether.

I keep walking into the kitchen with my plate but there is no food to put on it. Where is my food? Do I have to make it myself? I’m gonna walk into another room with my plate and see if I can find some food. Perhaps some hummus or salad? The worst part of the cafeteria (it’s called the “Garden Cafe” but we all know what that means: dining hall!) was that the fries were in the kiddie section, which is blocked off with little fences, a la McDonalds Playland, so I had to fully bend over to access the knee-high serving area to get fries. I’d eat adult food, but it looked un-tasty.

5. High Art: 7/10

“I am WAY BUMMED to not be on the boat and the reading sounds like the most
exciting thing to ever happen to me – slash – not happen to me, as I
am not there.”

I wake up on Tuesday morning with my mind a-buzz, thinking: “We should put together a reading of this teleplay.” I go to Heather and Haviland’s room, relay this idea. Then Heather morphs overnight into Super-Producer. Seriously: Heather Weiss, you are abso-fucking-lutely amazing.

There was so much talent on the ship. Casting was fun. Most important of all was getting someone amazing to play Sydney and Andrea McArdle said she’d love to do it. And she effin’ nailed it, it was brill.

So Wednesday, we’re making invitations, securing space, inviting actors, she’s calling Michael The Event Coordinator drunk after our night at the beach luau dance: “The thing is, Michael, that there are a lot of important people coming to this reading, Andrea McArdle is reading the lead …”

Then he gave us permission (which he tried to redact the next day) and then we started handing out fliers. By that I mean we collapsed laughing in the hallway and handed out fliers with relative abandon. I think my flip-flop fell off. I don’t know what happened, all I remember is sitting on the carpet while Heather was laughing.

4. If These Walls Could Talk 7/10-7/12

Our girl … Shaana? I forget her name. Anyhow, she rocked. We filled out a recommendation form for the desk clerk … “Dude, she’s gonna be promoted to ship captain.” She even crossed her fingers for us when Heather was talking to Michael.

3. All Over Me 7/12/07

“9:30 movie has been canceled for an event in the cinema. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
-sign outside the CINEMA

Me: “This is the best thing I have ever seen in my life.”
Heather: “We need to photograph this sign and then save it for our hypothetical scrapbooks. This is amazing.”

(We totally forgot to do that, but it’s true: the joy that swelled in our ambitious hearts when we saw it … it felt real. So many of my projects exist only in theory–this one included, of course–but the fact that this reading was coming together, was official, had displaced The Pursuit of Happyness … made me feel pretty excited about pursuing my own happiness. And Carly’s, obvs.)

Because circa 24 hours ago, we’d reserved the space (or so we thought), confirmed it’s availability … and then seen The Pursuit of Happyness on the schedule. Obvs Heather took care of that immediately by opening the display case and removing that information, lest anyone get excited. I suggested we post a sign indicating “the movie’s been relocated to your room, where it happens to be showing on your in-room movie channel at this exact moment,which’s brill planning on behalf of the Norwegian Dawn.”

I refused to accept that our reading could be displaced by a crap Will Smith movie (confession: I kinda love Will Smith sometimes, I mean, “Fresh Prince”? Holla! Also I.C. used to write for that show).

Back Row, L to R: Esera, Janet, Andrea, Craig, Anne, Jen
Front Row, L to R: Tara, Megan, Haviland, Riese, Nick, Lainy

So, that night, if anything could be more exciting than that sign, the men in black showed up with fruit and water and chairs and music stands and then our cast:

Andrea McArdle (Broadway’s original Annie, obvs) as Sydney, Meeeeeee as Morgan, Haviland Pekor Stillwell as Samantha, Craig Ramsay as Caleb, Janet Caroll reading stage directions/etc, Megan Jacoby as Parker, Nick Nerio as Joe, Anne Steele as Courtney, Esera Tualo as Aiden, Tara Michelle as Kyra, Chelain Goodman as Hannah, and Jen Namoff as Deb/Lizzie Marriot/”Angry Dyke.”

2. Saving Face

“What’re you gonna say before the reading starts?” Everyone assumes that because I don’t like talking to humans one-on-one, I’m similarly frightened of crowds. So not true. I was an actress once upon a time in my youth, and though that was eons ago, I’m not afraid of stages, talking on them, or speaking to audiences. I love readings! Hello, sex and dating panel, anyone, obviously not. Howevs, I didn’t know what I was going to say to introduce the reading, and I actually don’t remember what I did say.

But I had this really fabulous idea to say: “HELLO! I’m Ilene Chaiken, creator and executive producer of Showtime’s hit series The L Word. Today we have a special new project to share with you, starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers…

Here’s the thing about that: it’s really effin’ addictive. Once you start saying “HELLO! I’m Ilene Chaiken !” in an Ilene Chaiken voice, you can’t stop. I kept saying it over and over. I wish I could’ve introduced it like that, but what if no-one laughed? What if they thought I really WAS Ilene Chaiken, you know? [Then I could probably get this show made tomorrow, even before Carly and I go back to do more revisions. I could be like: “This show isn’t the greatest, but it’s about lesbians!” and then, BOOM, made.]

1. Imagine Me and You

There’s so many good things in the air right now. It’s hard to know which one to face and run at full-speed, and it’s hard to know what full speed even is. I think I/we’ve done our best to go for it, though, re-channeling negative energy into progress and direction and dream-making.

Our cruise, in fact, was re-routed: apparently we were owed another day at the private island, but the boat was unable to run at it’s optimum speed and we had to cut out the extra morning to make it home in time. I didn’t care because honestly I had no clue where we were going in the first place.

That’s probably a good metaphor for life. I could use a lot of boat and water related metaphors right now, like stuff about going with the flow and seeing where the wind takes you or something, but those are all pretty passive. I wanna be a little Jet-Ski like zzzzzzzz.

Really though: one of the best things about coming home was checking my voice mail to hear one from my grandmother: “We saw your article in the magazine,” she says, Ohio accent in full force. “Well, sweetie. We didn’t realize you were in such a state!” Yes: Marie Claire magazine, this time featuring an article written by me and no terrible picture of me, is in stores now and buy it!

Below I’ve tried to construct a graphic like the kind they have in restaurant windows with the mag-cover and a little snippet of the article they’re referencing. See, it’s my first byline in a major magazine!! By Marie Lyn Bernard! It’s like, 4 pages long, ’cause I tend to go on for a bit, but ay! Go buy Marie Claire. Anne Hathaway is on the cover, and she is smokin’ hot.

I wish I’d written “Discover your Inner Fembot!” I mean. Wow. Who knew, you know?

Here’s our video!

Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2836 articles for us.


  1. that’s awesome that you got to do a live run-through of the teleplay.. as an extra unnecessary opinion – i think ‘live it out’ flows better. i go on cruises like 3x a week except they are 3-hour rock’n’roll booze cruises and only rarely gay. we just look at the statue of liberty and drink all the bands’ hospitality. this sounds much better. also i am kind of hoping you interrupted the very end of your reading to plug your other new show starring jonathan rhys myers.

    word veri: furkyfv. funny and i’m not sure why.

  2. s. (this is like p.s., only it’s not ‘post’ anything, so i’m sticking with just ‘script’) that is a lot lot of good things to happen in one week, cheers.
    s.s. by the by, ‘live it out’ is the name of a metric album.
    s.s.s. sometimes i get very bored living in ohio, but apparently your grandma is from ohio (and kc and elka went to college in ohio) so that gives me a bit of comfort.

  3. Stealing inner tubes, bypassing customs, dodging the photocopy fees – livin’ on the wrong side of the tracks. I thought this was a family cruise.

    Congrats on the article! Shame I won’t get it over here.

  4. Nice post. I mean, wit and humor and wryness are now our bread and butter here…We are a spoilt pampered population who gets answers to our comments and is probably getting very out of hand as a result. But adding to the nicety we have hot girls in bathing suits. It would be so cool if you wrote captions for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, quite the mashup. How were the reactions to the reading? Are you happy? My best friend just told me he thought he was gay and asked me to pretend to be a guy and tie him up after dressing him in girl clothes and tell him to be my slut. Bipolar disorder plus Jewish guilt plus weird addiction to lacy (why lacy???so itchy) undies. Thanks for the distraction! Love from France,

  5. stef: Oooo! Booze cruises! I know all about those from the episode of The Office we watched the other day that Carly had memorized. We did pass by the Statue of Liberty, which was awesome. “Live it Out” was the original title, I actually changed it on accident, just remembering it wrong; Heather said the present tense sounded more like action was happening, whereas “Live it Out” sounded more like a command but not as exciting? I dunno. It’s all these subliminal weird things….

    p. Thanks!
    p.p. Cood to know.
    p.p.p. You live in Ohio? Did I know this before? My whole family is in Ohio (my Dad’s side) and he grew up there. Also, two of the characters in our teleplay go to Miami of Ohio and three of them are from Ohio! ALSO my best friend Natalie Raaber is from Cleveland Ohio!

    Rebel Rebel, you’ve torn your dress,
    Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess,
    Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
    Hot tramp, I love you so!

    (That’s my theme song for the family cruise, obvs, because I’m sick of “We are Family.”)

    In my world there is no such thing as “out of hand.” Communicating with readers is my bread and peanut butter. Actually — I learned recently that there is a way to get out of hand. But when it comes to commenters who are cool, like every commenter ever except two, there is no such thing as out of hand. I totally should do that for the SI issue, my friends and I used to write captions in the delia*s catalogs, that was super fun.

    That sounds like that movie, I think it was called “ma vie in rose” or something. Something french or whathaveyou. About this little boy who cross-dresses. He should watch it. It might be called something else altogether. Hmmm. Tell him a better way to discover if he’s gay or not (and not just a cross-dresser who likes being pushed around) would be to have sex with a man.

    Lacy undies are itchy, who wears them? I don’t know.

    And yeah, I am happy with how it went, and the actors especially loved it, especially McArdle. That was really cool. And Esera was hilarious in his two-line cameo. People were coming up to Haviland the next day telling her how perfect that part was for her and she was like “duh, it was written for me!”

  6. I cannot even tell you how much I would love to experience “auto-gay”

    Wow, you’ve got so much going on at the mo, it’s gotta be so exciting. It’s a shame that we can’t get a hold of the mag here in Aus. Also, props on your OurChart blog – you’re just killing it left, right and center!

    PS. Re the last comment: it wasn’t comment moderation, just my laptop closing the window for no apparent reason. Effin PC.

  7. I didn’t care because honestly I had no clue where we were going in the first place.

    That is a great metaphor for life. … And how I get 99 percent of my greatest stories.

    Congrats on the article and successful reading.

  8. I didn’t care because honestly I had no clue where we were going in the first place.

    That is a great metaphor for life. … And how I get 99 percent of my greatest stories.

    Congrats on the article and successful reading.

  9. I couldn’t live without my Chuck Taylors. I remember the day I bought them – I wore them to bed.

    Sounds like it was a hella fun.

    Am off to OurChart to read more your other blog now (y).

  10. your ourchart thing was really well written and resonated on a lot of really weird not-necessarily-directly-connected levels. i dug it a lot.

    maybe i did like live it out better cos of the metric album. hmmm.

  11. lainyrae: Yay! You auto-win. I’ll be in touch.

    steph: thanks!

    razia: I agree, you fo’sho need some Auto-Gay in your life. And thanks!

    Brooklyn Boy: Thanks! And me too! Or so I tell myself. I should’ve paid attention this time, I think, then I woulda packed less sweaters/sweatshirts and more shorts/swimsuits. Thus would not be wearing Haviland’s swimsuit top with my bottom, thus the non-matching problem.

    Moonkiller: I actually wore my last pair when I went out today, even though they are all tore up. I wore one new one and one holey one. I’m glad I kept the old ones. I’m a genius.

    Stef: Thanks! Yay!

  12. That is awesome that you went on one of Rosie’s cruises, I don’t know much about it but loved the HBO doc about it. I told my bf that this girls blog I read who is also from the duece was on one of Rosie’s cruises, and he told his gay boss and his bf and they were very impressed. I can’t wait to read your article! Oh and i’m still looking for a photo of me at blue lake fine arts camp in my light blue tshirt, i’ll let you know when I find it ASAP.

  13. Drank vodka from the mini-bar and replaced it with water, avoiding cost.

    OMG I love that you did that. I’ve never known anyone besides myself who has done that and actually admitted it publicly. Brava!

  14. high five on what seems like an EXTRAORDINARY cruise! (I hate the word extraordinary, because I am either unsure of my spelling or think it implies that something is extra ordinary, which I think sounds like “not special.”)

    My family took a cruise last year (and will again this year, because we are jews and like the sun, eating, drinking, and deals- mostly all inclusive food, yes please!) My brother and I were caught smuggling in the booze (which was a big let down considering how expensive it is to drink on board) but, however, were sneaky enough to procure about an ounce of marijuana in antigua and hide in the large battery compartment of my camera, getting it on the ship through the x ray without so much as a questioning glance. A 21 year old buying alcohol, or a seventeen year old getting a lot of way illegal drugs- which of these activities seems more suspect?
    The reading sounds like it was dynamite. I can’t wait to see what else you do with the pilot- if you are ever in need of an eager, semi-skilled cinematographer or editor who is willing to work for experience/meals/lodging/love, I’d be thrilled to be your buddy. I went to film school and stuff.
    The 24th is fast approaching and I’m looking forward to your reading. BAM!
    (also, that hat you’re wearing in some of the pictures looks totes awesome. I usually think girls in hats are particularly doofy, but you rocked it.

  15. I’m uber excited for you & your teleplay. OMG. I’m obviously gonna go buy Marie Claire. I just barely got my hands on best erotica 2007. Because it was in the bookstore finally. and I *am* imagining me and you. (I couldn’t resist that one.)

    faofabna. This should be an alcoholic beverage, with pineapple in it. A *STRONG* one.

    The cruise sounds fun — I’m glad you had fun.

  16. Riese, this is great…I want to get back on the boat bc i feel like we have more work to do!

    BUT…we can do it here – we CAN!

    P.S…if there is anyone reading this who is in Manhattan and wants to PA for the short film I’m shooting this week, let me know? Thanks!

  17. “Drank vodka from the mini-bar and replaced it with water, avoiding cost.”

    Mmmm. My last experience with a mini-bar terminated quite differently. After running up seven floors and across an absolutely palacial hotel in search of a lighter, I stumbled into my room and cracked one of the mini bottled waters (you’re not supposed to drink the water in Mexico). I upended it and tossed it back in about a gulp and a half, at which point I realized that the entire (Dasani-branded) thing was full of gin.

    Really terrible gin, too. Not that I’m against terrible gin in principle. But 6 ounces of completely unexpected terrible gin after sprinting through 95 degree heat is less than salubrious. Who knows why or how it happened, but I’ve avoided mini-bars ever since.

    With regards to the rest of your exploits and possible invisibility, I’d say it’s far more likely that you’re just too much of a whirlwind (read: cool kid) to be approached. The whole canceling one event in favor of your event thing? (aside: congradulations!) They don’t just do that for invisible people. It sounds like you rocked the whole thing. Keep it up.

  18. Oh. And. Um. Since I appear to have become a total regular in the past month, I’ve begun to feel a little weird about being able to read so much of your stuff while I remain totally anonymous except for the name. I guess maybe you’re used to that sort of interaction, but it seems strange to me.

    That said, I don’t really keep much online space, so it’s hard to reciprocate. But. I do have a flickr account, updated in infrequent floods. Um. You’re welcome not to peruse it, of course. But just for my own peace of mind, and to prove that I exist, and whatever else it is that makes me jittery about the online experience in general, here is a link.

  19. Abster: Sweet! Your friends should go, gays from the Midwest like the cruise even more than we do. No, that’s not possible. But they probs like it a whole lot! I think. Well, ace-deuce is still full o’ gays, if I remember. I look forward to that photograph.

    Lozo: It’s funny, we needed no words to describe you besides “I know Lozo.” “Oh, that Lozo.” Then I’d like to say: “LOZO LOZO LOZO.”

    Atherton: I assume that “brava” is part of the word-ly lexicon that I’m not aware of, because I am not aware of many things that happen outside of this apartment, but there’s only one place I’ve heard it, which’s on the cruise when Seth Rudesky says it all the time, Brava! So isn’t that ironic sort of? Improper usage of ironic just then. Whatevs!

    Hm. I’m glad you did that too. I did it last year, that’s how I knew I could do it again. SCORE.

    Caitlin: Thanks! Sometimes extraordinary is the only word that applies, I’ve found myself in a similar situation many-a-time. I actually have been on a cruise only once before and I had to beg my Mom to take me. It involved Disneyworld. Hm. I just realized: so did this cruise, sorta, I mean, we went to Orlando. She’s obvs a bad Jew.

    (re: your illegal activities….I somehow got away with both of those things? Maybe it’s because I look like a Gay Mom?)

    Be careful what you say about being willing to work on our TV pilot for experience/meals/lodging/love. Because, as some cyber-friends can attest … we just may take you up on it.

    (Also … Haviland needs a PA for a short film she’s shooting this week …)

    Yay for the reading!

    MERC: Aww … that’s okay. I’m glad you didn’t resist.

    Sometimes when I look at that BAE 07 story, I can’t believe I wrote it. It’s so many things that are so distant from me, and things that were never close to me ever, and it’s just like, so totes fictional … and these days, that’s rare. The MC article is a much shorter version of the essay that’s in that Seal Press book, and I was worried how that would work out … but I think it did. They did good, those folks at MC.

    haviland: You and SP should go on the road and tell women to maximize their potentials! You’re like “Morgan, you can do it! We’ll both be stars!”

    ABeos: We heart Megan Jacoby. Maybe she will google herself and see this, and then remember when Heather and I revealed that we’d nicknamed her SMJ, or “Sweet Megan Jacoby.” holla!

    lain: Yes, I had some fruit in Mexico once, which apparently is washed in that poison water, and then I ended up with this really bad stomach problem where I was stuck in my hotel room for about three days.

    Also once my roommate Noah was like : “Hey Marie, so a funny thing happened today when I decided to take a sip of the cranberry juice in the fridge,” and I was like “Oh. Noah. Don’t. Ever. Drink the cranberry juice. If it’s in a single serve-bottle, it is NOT just cranberry juice.” It’s sort of a reverse-bonus though yeah?

    I dislike gin a lot.

    I’m not bothered by anonymity — I invite it by choosing to speak publicly, I guess? But obvs I looked at your flickr pictures (note to friends whose flickr pictures I’ve never looked at: you are also a very special snowflake) and have determined that the place you are in is much prettier than the place I am in. Also that photo “I used to date this guy,” made me LOL because you captioned it that. Nice with the drag ball too. I’ve added you as a flickr friend. I never update mine. Seriously, like, it’s the most randomized thing ever.

  20. Ha! Cool, now we are flickr friends! Clearly I am not used to this interacting online thing. That was disproportionally exciting. Usually only my grandmother looks at my flickr account and then writes me snail posts re: her reactions. (I don’t think she’s figured out how to comment online.)

    I like your flickr even despite the infrequent updates. Flickr doesn’t inspire addiction: that is nice. And I am especially a fan of all things jean skirt, so props to Brooklyn pride and I am jealous of your gear.

  21. I really want to escape my job and go on holiday (vay-cay) after reading this. But even if I did go away I don’t think I would have as much fun as you guys did on the cruise.

    However, I love that I can live my life vicariously through auto-win.

    My Chucks are so beaten-up, but I refuse to buy a new pair. You can actually see half my socks through the torn away fabric.

    Is there anyway you can put a bigger scan of the marie claire on your page? Cos I really want to read it. But I’m in the UK.

    Also on the subject of Claire’s, did you hear Claire Danes is going to be on Broadway. Holla!

  22. By chance I just got my Marie Claire comp today in the office and just spent the past 15 mins reading your article. Loved it!

    xoxo – Z., a fellow black tank/hoodie wearer who’s been considering botox for her pits

  23. haviland: If by “Manhattan” you mean San Franicisco I would totally be there.

    reise: I was telling my gf the other day about your IC/Tudors intro to the screenplay idea and she thought it was hi-larious. I wish we would have been there cause we would have just laughed and laughed… and then stopped in a sudden moment of sadness in remembering J-Beals looking like she’d rather choke on her enormous collar than plug that *exciting* new series. (cue the Evanescence!)

    Keep on keepin on…

  24. i’ve been on a regular cruise, granted it was with my mother and grandmother, sort of a trifecta of generations if you will, but never a gay cruise.

    wow, what a run on sentence that was.

  25. i just read your guestbian on ourchart and had to mention that i going to experience my first cruise on the Norwegian Star. its only a two day trip to Amsterdam and back to the uk, but expensive drinks and an all night party sounds great! i don’t know what nine dollars is in pounds but it sounds expensive!

  26. lain: I bought that jean skirt on ebay when I was stoned in Natalie’s room at Michigan once. I remember the next day being like “what did I order?” Then it came and was like, Perfection. It’s been all over the place with me. Stuck by me for years, like an old pal in the desert.

    laura: I’ve just been wearing the one beat up one and the one good one. It’s totes ghetto, but also beautiful. You can see my socks.

    And yeah, I’ll figure out how to do that and put it on my webpage, re: the larger size. Thanks for wanting, living vicariously, etc.

    Also on the subject of Claire’s, it is a great place to buy accesories and propane products!

    zmadison: yay! And glad to hear of another sweaty mcpitts superockstar.

    kristin: Dude, there are all kinds of places you need to be! the cruise to laugh, here to help hav’s film, etc! Oh, Evanescence.

    birdonthewirenyc: Dude that woulda been awesome if you had done that and they were all gay.

    shavin: if you are in room 8752, that might not be vodka.

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