Feature image of the Emojibator Pickle vibrator via Emojibator.
Do you love to get off watching a super sexy cake sitting but also immediately get a sympathetic yeast infection? Considering the erotic potential of vegetables but not sure about fluid bonding with a salad? This menu of food-shaped sex toys from representational to realistic are for you — all (okay, part) of the fun of food play with actual compostable food, with a much easier clean up.
Sex Toys for Food-Free Food Play
Eggplant
Blame it on the 🍆, but eggplant has been having a moment in sex toys.
The original Emojibator Eggplant Vibrator is a smooth, small, AAA-powered purple and green silicone vibrator that’s waterproof, multi-speed and a gentle addition to your toy box.
The Eggplant Silicone Dildo by SelfDelve is a large, soft, almost squishy dildo made of flexible silicone in an eggplant shape. Its shiny purple body changes to sky blue with body heat, and it is 7.9″ long and 2.4″ wide at its widest point.
Radishes
This stiff little organic Hole Punch Toys Rad-ish Silicone Butt Plug has a root structure that’s perfect for ass play. Hand-poured into a two-piece mold, it has 3.5″ of insertable length and is 1.5″ wide at the widest point.
Cucumbers (and Pickles)
The Curved Cucumber Silicone Dildo by SelfDelve is a g-spot-targeting medium-firm dildo. It’s dark green with lighter detailing, and grows lighter with bodyheat.
Looking for something shorter and sweeter? The Gherkin is a thick, oval silicone dildo that’s 4.7″ long and 2.4″ in diameter.
The Emojibator Pickle is a waterproof silicone vibrator shaped like a pickle.
Corn
The Corn on the Cob dildos by SelfDelve are knobby, textured dildos made of soft, flexible silicone. The regular size has about 6.5″ of insertable length and is 1.6″ in diameter at its widest point. The large has about 7″ of insertable length and is 2″ in diameter at its widest point.
For something a little less representational but no less evocative of corn, the Corn on the Clt vibrator is a small bullet vibrator with acorn-like texture, seven vibration modes, and one AAA battery.
Carrots
Ever wondered whether the greens on a garden carrot would be secure enough to make it safe for ass play? They wouldn’t be, but the top on the Hole Punch Toys Bunny Silicone Butt Plug is. At 5″ long and 1.2″ wide at the widest point, the Bunny is a good choice for more experienced analists. For a smaller, more wearable version, check out the Baby Carrot.
Peppers
The Chili Pepper
The Chili Pepper vibrator from Emojibator is a ten-speed, battery-powered vibrator shaped like a chili pepper. It’s 4.76″ long, waterproof, and silicone.
The Pepper by SelfDelve is a glossy silicone dildo with a triangle-shaped shaft and pronounced curve for cervical massage if you’re into that. At 8.7″ long without the stem, and at varying widths ranging from about 1″ to 2.2″ along the shaft, this toy is objectively massive. And it changes color from red to orange with body heat!
Eggs
Tenga Eggs, one of Autostraddle’s best queer sex toys, look more like eggs in their packaging than they do in use — but don’t let that stop you. These versatile, disposable elastomer sleeves are perfect for masturbation or hand jobs for people with penises, or as a way to change up the texture on the head of a Magic Wand for people with Magic Wands or other wand-shaped vibrators. (Note that the eggs at the link are sold individually.)
Strawberries
The Ass Berry
The Fantasy Dangus Silicone Strawberry is a silicone strawberry-shaped single Kegel ball that comes in three different firmnesses, tons of potential colors, and can even glow in the dark.
The Strawberry Ball Gag Ball by SelfDelve a 1.8″ in diameter glossy silicone ball gag ball that looks like an enormous strawberry. Hand-painted green leaves shine against a red backdrop and change color when it’s warm. The ball has a 0.47″ hole for pairing with a belt or a ball gag strap. (It also comes in apricot.)
The Ass Berry is a vibrating silicone butt plug shaped like a berry, with berry-like surface texture and a removable bullet vibrator in the base.
Mochi
Iroha’s palm-sized mochi-shaped and -textured vibrators are a supple silicone with an anti-dust coating. All are splash proof, rechargeable, and have four vibration modes. The Iroha Midori comes in soft green, with a smaller orb for targeted sensation and a broader orb to grip or cover more surface area. The Iroha Yuki is white with a semi-insertable tip. The Iroha Sakura comes in pale pink with a gentle two-pronged tip for strategic pinching.
Marshmallows
The Marshmallow Dildo by SelfDelve is a soft, marshmallow-stick-shaped silicone dildo with a raised swirl that adds sensation whether you’re thrusting or clenching. It’s 8.7″ long and 1.6″ in diameter, and comes in a tidy metal case. Into confectionaries but not into marshmallows? SelfDelve also makes a color-changing Bisquit dildo and a glossy black licorice dildo.
Ice Cream
The Ass Cram Cone
The Little Wand from Satisfyer, the same company that makes the eponymous sex toy, is a soft-serve-shaped vibrator that goes hard. It has a firm, rounded tip with grooves that can cover a broad surface area and is silicone and waterproof. Prefer a rotating frozen yogurt? The Sweet Treat from Satisfyer has a swirling silicone head that rotates.
The Ass Cram Cone is a silicone Neapolitan cone that can go up your butt (theoretically – it is large) or in your vagina if you have one. It’s available in three densities from small-batch sex-toy maker Hole Punch, and is 5″ long and 2″ diameter at its widest.
Looking for other frozen treats? The Pure Pop by Hole Punch is a 7″ long silicone popsicle that’s 1 3/4″ wide at its widest point. Put it in the freezer before play for a more realistic experience, or leave it on display in its melted-sugar-shaped base.
Came here to make some puns, saw the Ass Cram Cone, am slinking away in defeat
lol
lololol
oh lol
I have some fancy glass dildos shaped like an eggplant, corn, a pickle, and a chili pepper! All of them save the chili have lovely tints to the glass as well.
DOST THOU LAUGH AT MY PUNDOING? I thought we were friends
That sounds like quite the hornycopia you’ve got there
Oh it’s a hornycopia alright
Like so
These are cute AF
SelfDelve is a great name.
Thank for sharing, it is ver helpful