Season Four

401: Legend in the Making Recap

402: Livin’ La Vida Loca Recap

403: Lassoed Recap

404: Layup Recap

405: Lez Girls Recap

406: Luck be a Lady Recap

407: Life Lesson Recap

408: Lexington and Concord Recap

409: Lacy Lilting Lyrics Recap

410: Little Boy Blue Recap

411: Literary License to Kill Recap

412: Long Time Coming Recap

Promo Photos from Season Four of “The L Word”

Why Shane is the new Jordan Catalano

The L Word Season Four Premiere Party: Cocacabana

Come on Ilene, I’m Begging You Please: why it matters that no one is fucking in “The L Word.”

Season Four Wrap-up Blog, Part One

Season Four Wrap-up Blog, Part Two

L Word Season Four Quotes

“Really, Papi? Really?”

(Alice)


Jenny: “Well I do give a shit. Because I think she should be FIRED! I think she used — duplicitous methods — “

Jolene: “Duplicitous?”
Jenny: “Yes, to get me to to open up. She used … sexual orientation … and her gayness to get me to open up. And do you know what Merkin means? JOLENE! Vagina wig. That’s what her name means.
Shame on you for not correcting her
sloppy syntax
and grammar.”


Bette: “I said I want to be in a relationship with someone who works with me–”
Jodi: “Bette–You want to be in a relationship with someone who works FOR you.”


Papi: “Rule Number One: Papi Doesn’t Do Breakfast.”


Shane: “If the play date goes well, we might go for a sleepover.”


Jenny: “Hey, Alice, you know, there’s this crazy, weird thing that happens when you write. As a writer–”
Alice: “Wait– is this a lesson?”
Jenny: “Yeah!”
Alice: “In writing?!”
Jenny: “Yeah!”
Alice: “From Jenny Schecter?!”
Jenny: “Yeah!”
Alice: “Oh, FUCK, let me grab a pen!”
Jenny: “Get a pad too! So this thing that happens when you write is you draw from your own life, and then in turn, you take those experiences and you use something called imagination, Alice –”
Alice: “Oh, imagination! God, so that’s the thing you were lacking when you could barely change our names, huh?”
Jenny: “Just a second. You guys … do you … do you hear that?”
[pause]
Jenny: “Oh, my God, it’s Monet. Monet has come back from the dead and he wants me to give you a message. He says, “I am so sorry for sitting in front of my pond in France and sketching those water lilies and using the water lilies as actual inspiration. Sorry to offend, Alice.”
Alice: “Right, right. Oh, wait, he’s talking to me! So weird. Huh? ….What? OK, I’ll tell her. He said don’t ever fucking compare yourself to him.”


Tasha: “Some of the people are in the military because they want to serve their country, okay? We believe in what we stand for. I’m sorry if we don’t live our lives wearing trendy fake-ass raggedy t-shirts that scream out bullshit about why do we kill people?”
Alice: “You think it’s trendy to not kill people?”
Tasha: “The soldiers I worked with didn’t want to kill people! Like, what the fuck? You think we wanna kill people?”
Alice: “Well why are you there?”
Tasha: “The question is, why the fuck am I here?”
Alice: “Because we wanna fuck each other!!”


Helena: “I would pretty much do any job right now that doesn’t involve sex or touching insects.”


Bette: “Tina’s not qualified to raise a biracial child.”
Tina: “Oh, but I was qualified to live and sleep with one for eight and a half years?”
Bette: “Well, obviously you weren’t qualified for that, either.”


Angus: “It’s not that bad, actually. That whole dick in ass thing, I used to think it was a little creepy–and painful, too–but I found this great lube, it’s called Boy Butter? And once I discovered that…it was like … [does a beat] … lets get this party started.”


Jenny: “The thing is that the vagina’s girlfriend was molested and now she’s like this perfect saint, which is just like, awesome, and I was abused and I’m like this fucked up nitwit, but that was my experience, and that’s mine and I don’t know why she’s slamming my own experience though!”


Bette: “It is not just crayons, it is a fucking Ivy League Education!”


Jodi Lerner: “The more I’m afraid of something, the more I know I have to do it. I figured that out when I was a kid. I can lead a protected life, hiding away from the scary world. Or I can take on the things that scare me the most. The more it might hurt, the more I might die doing it. The more worth doing it must be.”
Bette Porter: “I don’t want to die right now.”
Jodi: “Me neither.” (pause) “Do you want to try it?”


Jenny Schecter: “You’re kinda sexy — and you have nice tits and you’re sweating under your arms and you’re nervous and I want to kiss you.”


Papi: “You’re just a skinny little white girl.”
Shane: “Yeah, I guess I am.”
Alice: “Shane, this is Papi. Papi, Shane –”
Shane: “So what?”
Papi: “So, I’m your competition.”
Shane: “Oh! Oh. Well, I don’t know exactly what we’re competing for. So uh, you win.”


Bette: “Put your coffee down.”
Alice: “What is this, the Planet?”
Jenny: “I don’t think so, but I told you not to throw it to me!”


Tasha: “Just shut up and let me fuck you.”


Jenny, to Alice: “Do you wanna come to The Planet and have coffee with me?”
Alice: “Ohhh, I wish I could but there’s too much drama.”


Jenny: “… Yo Stacey, come here and say it to my fucking face you vagina!”


Bette: “I cannot believe you fucked my boss. Do you understand the consequences of this?”
Alice: “Um, really intense great orgasms?”


Papi: “Whatcha doin’, Rodeo drive?”
Bette: “Shopping, BITCH!”


Jenny: “You see, Helena, everyone is a whore in their life at one point or another.”
Kit: “The Princess of Darkness has spoken. We’ve all been there one way or another. Once, I gave a blow job to a horn player.”


Alice: “I’m not gonna ask anybody or tell anybody anything.”


Bette: “Fuck You, Jenny. This is complete and utter total fucking bullshit. I wouldn’t say that. Never. That’s not even grammatically correct, you fucking idiot. You’re dead meat. You’re just dead fucking meat, Jennifer Schecter.”


Jenny: “Whenever I’m in a public place like this with all these people around I always have this compulsion to take off my clothes.”
Catherine Rothberg: “I know what you mean.”


Paige: “Some people just fall in love with the person. And that person could be a man or a woman.”


Bette: “Alice you have to break up with her.”
Alice: “Yeah, well, I already broke up with her.”
Bette: “Well, then, RE-break up with her. Some lesbians, you know what? you have to break up with them more then once.”


Bette Porter: “I can’t go, because I’ll be dead, because I will have killed myself.”


Alice: Do you know who made this hat? Who made this hat, Jenny?
Jenny: I would guess the lead singer of the village people.


Alice: “I’m stuck! Go without me! Leave me behind! Save yourself!”


Papi: Nice job, Rodeo. But I will still kick your white-girl ass.
Shane: Yeah, okay DAD.


Jenny: “Can I just add to it? Because I just had a little brainstorm-y thing. Um I think that … ok … what if Jessie is a sex worker, okay? And uh … Karina is like … a wealthy business woman, and Karina hires Jessie for the night, sweeps her off her feet, they fall madly in love, takes her shopping on Rodeo Drive, and gives her the jewelery box and her hand almost gets caught and she goes oh-haha ha like that, and then she sits in the bubble bath … ”


Phyllis: “We can’t take any more of their time, Leonard.”
Leonard: “Why? What are they doing that is more important than helping me understand why my life is suddenly falling apart?”
Helena: “He’s got a point.”

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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2656 articles for us.

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