“I used to lie about my age to get deals off the kids’ menu. Like, why would we pay an extra five dollars when we all know I’m about to get chicken tenders and it’s only an appetizer if I’m over twelve??”

“Amazingly, neither the training bra nor my actual boobs magically solved my very typical and very sad self-image issues.”

“I’m adult and I’ve never cried over a haircut before and I don’t usually call my mom when I’m sad or frustrated or mad. She asked to see a photo of it. I sent her one and she asked me if the man hated queers, because this was clearly a hate crime.”

“Life is hard enough, let me have this.”

“I like to think I’ve put my talking-back skills to great use as an adult who enjoys proving points and getting the last word and being right.”

“I think I’m willing to do this because I’m constantly aware that death awaits us all and I’m more inclined to want to heighten an experience if I can.”