“I used to lie about my age to get deals off the kids’ menu. Like, why would we pay an extra five dollars when we all know I’m about to get chicken tenders and it’s only an appetizer if I’m over twelve??”

“I don’t really view those choices and connections as mistakes, because anything I did that I overall don’t regret isn’t really a mistake.”

“Amazingly, neither the training bra nor my actual boobs magically solved my very typical and very sad self-image issues.”

“I’m adult and I’ve never cried over a haircut before and I don’t usually call my mom when I’m sad or frustrated or mad. She asked to see a photo of it. I sent her one and she asked me if the man hated queers, because this was clearly a hate crime.”

“Life is hard enough, let me have this.”

“I feel like this camp everyone really got to be their best, most honest and weirdest selves — for instance, and bear with me, when Sam and Riese and I created an intense trivia experience centered entirely around cults, true crime and murder and not only did people show up but many of the questions were TOO EASY FOR THEM.”

Sex: it’s complicated! Some people like some things and other people like other things and some people love things other people do not like at all!

A few months ago, some of us took the Enneagram test and felt extremely uncomfortable with the truths it revealed about us. As fun as that was, we thought it would be even more fun to make even more Autostraddle staff do it and also share their results with a large audience. Let’s see if we were right!

“I like to think I’ve put my talking-back skills to great use as an adult who enjoys proving points and getting the last word and being right.”

“Apparently INFJs operate more off feeling, and I would say that intuition very much commands my brain/heart ship, so it’s an accurate assessment. How’d this bitch know that I’m soft-spoken though?”

Here’s all the good, bad and the ugly about our first time viewing porn. Remember VHS tapes? Were we ever so young?

“I think I’m willing to do this because I’m constantly aware that death awaits us all and I’m more inclined to want to heighten an experience if I can.”

Here’s when we knew deep in our bones we were goners.

Unpacking internalized homophobia (and lesbophobia, and biphobia, and transphobia, and misogyny, and MORE) is hard, but for you we did our best!

Here are first time experiences that seem mundane to everyone else but were truly special for us.

“I’m a Scorpio, this is kind of what we… do.”

Everyone has some things that make them hard to live with — like, literally, like in the same apartment as them. Here are ours.

“I essentially stole my brother’s car and drove it an hour away across state lines to go see my then-girlfriend for only 30 minutes while my parents thought I was at the movies”

Turn on all the lights in the house and come read about the Winchester Mystery House, haunted cabins, songs playing from beyond the veil, and our deeply unsurprising number of experiences with ghost cats.

“When I was 10, I wrote a letter to Disney asking them what I should do to become an imagineer.”