“This is what the show is about. The show is about dating your exes, your friend’s exes, and your exes’ exes. That’s the topic of the program.”

“I just want to say, I know that this woman is supposed to be from Kansas City — and that’s actually a personal attack on me.”

“For now, what I’ll say about this storyline is that I was just glad to not see that damn purple coffee mug. The fact that they did not bring this coffee mug back out was one small mercy of this storyline for me.”

“If Shane asked me to go to couple’s therapy, I’d be like, “We don’t even know each other, but if this is what it takes to get you into a therapist’s office, absolutely, let’s do it.”

“I am so certain that this episode will have polarized us the most of any episode we’ve done yet. I’m certain of it.”

“Imagine if I was dating Desiree Akhavan, and I was like, “You know what I’m going to do? Steal my ex from Rosie O’Donnell.” No! How thrilling! My ex is with Rosie O’Donnell and we get to all hang out and I’m dating Desiree Akhavan? That’d be amazing.”

“In Gigi’s head she’s always calculating everything and very aware of everyone’s emotions and very aware of her own emotions and then does the chaotic thing anyways. And that’s how I live my life and I love to see it on TV in someone so hot.”

Willam: They said, “Mia, go get a piece of the stage, and just really gnaw at it. No, chew harder, honey. You can chew harder. No, this is the last season. We don’t even need these sets anymore. Chew it up, baby. Chew it.”
Carly: Yeah, who cares? “Chew it up. Spit it out.”
Willam: And Mia chewed the fuck out of it.

Carly: I feel like if I confusedly kissed Jennifer Beals, I would also have to move away.
Christina: I would have to join WITSEC. I would be like, “Listen, get me on a USA cable drama because I got to go. I’m losing it.”
Carly: “I got to go. Give me a wacky sidekick, we can go fight crime together, or whatever. Maybe we’re lawyers. We’re going to wear suits and my name is not Carly anymore.”
Christina: “I can’t be Christina anymore because my mouth has been on Jennifer Beals’ mouth.”

Riese: And then she explains that they have different core values.
Carly: Then Jodi says, “What are my core values?” And Bette says, “It doesn’t matter. It’s not a judgment.” What? What?
Riese: I want Bette to be like, “I see the beauty in things.”
Carly: And what do you see, Jodi? Also the beauty in things? Oh.
Riese: And Jodi’s like, “I’m wearing your exact outfit. Obviously, I also see the beauty in things.”