My Two (Lesbian) Mums

The Guardian has a super-cute article with stories from several lesbian couples who have children: “A recent study found that children raised by lesbian couples were often brighter, happier and more confident than kids brought up in more traditional family units. Here, four women-only households describe their experiences of parenthood – and why tolerance and honesty are the key”

All of these ladies live in England, Land of Cute Accents and cherub children! Basically what you learn from this article is that if lesbians had existed in the old days, Oliver Twist would’ve had the best family ever and could’ve gotten as much Kashi as he wanted. More and more and more.

Hey sidenote: are you a homogay with two Dads or two Moms? Because we’re thinking about doing a little roundtable about that. Could have some interesting generational perspectives etc. Let us know in the comments! (Don’t email me, at this point you seriously may as well just throw a Chuckie Cheese token into the wishing well at the mall, I’m at least two years behind).

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3179 articles for us.

51 Comments

  1. Last line:
    “we don’t spent our days swinging from chandeliers.”

    WAIT SO THAT’S JUST ME?! i thought this was common practice..?

    no but seriously, excellent team pick, riese. it’s really encouraging to read this nice stuff. those kids are so fortunate, and most of all, they will carry the open and accepting paradigm into their own families later on. imo, that’s how real change happens.

  2. hm. what do people think about the “strong male role model” thing? what about just strong people role models?

    • Well I’ll weigh in here—-

      I’m a happy homogay Mom of a son. I also happen to believe that while I can teach my son a lot of wonderful things, I cannot teach him all those male – specific kinds of life lessons (to distinguish from how to pee standing up, which I did teach him…)

      My son has access to his 2 straight Uncles, his gay godfathers, my ManPosse (3 het guy friends from grad school who keep showing up for Sunday brunch and exasperating my former partner with how fabulous they are–2 pediatricians and 1 child psychiatrist)—-my son has been shown by all of these men (of various races too I’ll say-) the wide range of ways he can be in the world.
      And looking back, it wasn’t really all that intentional–it’s just how I live…

      I learned how to be a strong and fantastic woman from a lot more women than just my own Mom. Certainly I learned how to be a strong and fantastic lesbian from women who were definitely NOT my Mom !

      I might suggest to you that some of our greatest lessons about life, love and being, occur outside our childhood homes…

      • oh, of course. i agree that kids should be exposed to all kinds of people and have role models of all kinds. i guess when i hear “but what about a THE MALE ROLE MODELS” i just get an icky taste of gender essentialism. like maybe some of the things coded as “male” are just normal human qualities that don’t need to be thought of in terms of gender. if that makes sense.

        sounds like your kids have a great home. :)

        • i know what you mean, m! i grew up with lots of male and female role models, but no gay ones or people of color and no one freaked out that i wasn’t being exposed to those kind of people. your kids have the best mumandfriends ever, smartypants.

    • I have two kids, a boy and a girl, and I have very few men in my life. That’s just the way it is. I’m not going to take an ad out in the paper for male friends just so my kids have that ideal “male role model” we hear so much about. There are many things that I can’t give my kids including a father, a world in which their parents have equal rights – oh, and a pony! There are, however, a million other things I can give them. The best gift? The freedom to talk about their feelings about all those things I can’t give them.

  3. m,
    Please accept my apology-I completely agree with your gender essentialism icky feeling, and have it myself on occasion. I misunderstood your initial post and thus responded differently than I would say, over a glass of white wine in my kitchen….

    I’d like to think my son has a great home lol!

    The other day my ex-wife and I were standing next to each other at a kids birthday party, watching our son play. We agreed, there is not a gay bone in this kids body…..I told her the gayest thing about our son, is us!

    • no, i liked your answer. i can get behind the idea of male role models. just not when people panic over it in ways they wouldn’t over say, role models of different races or something.

      • Well that’s it exactly….

        And as a parent, I try to avoid panic in all it’s forms….:-)

        (you’re invited to the birthday party m, it may involve either Pirates or Mario Brothers, just be flexible–)

  4. this is super sweet! but also its really interesting to read what they say, like about planning and being prepared (which I think is really true), and the high expectations and standards the community has for you as a gay parent.

    • I think the aspect of our parenting that is often completely undervalued or at the very least, under-discussed in mainstream media, is the sheer intentionality of it….involving numerous discussions of whose health insurance is better for fertility vs. coverage for kids etc., oh and btw I need to leave tomorrow for a doctor’s appointment bc I have to go make a baby with my wife in the second exam room on the left….

      oh yes, did I fail to mention that? I’m gay.

      On the other hand, gaymo baby showers ARE LEGENDARY !!

  5. I agree with m that “some of the things coded as ‘male’ are just normal human qualities that don’t need to be thought of in terms of gender”–but I’ll also ask commenters to discuss: Do kids need male role models more than simply masculine role models–the latter of which could include butch (or semi-butch, or occasionally butch) lesbian moms?

    • eh. i think there are a lot of problems with “masculinity” as it is currently thought of. for example being a strong person who can fix things shouldn’t mean you’re masculine. i think that’s kind of limiting. butch people are awesome though.

    • i know this is going to sound ridiculously cliched and super traditional w/r/t the popular conception of “masculinity,” but i think it was nice for my brother when my mom married a woman who knew a thing or two about grilling and power tools.

      • I don’t think this is cliched at all–

        One could also argue that being a successful adult requires a whole range of skill sets. And that we make assumptions about who should definitely have which skill sets–but again, I think this speaks to the gender essentialism question…

        Does my son need to acquire his skill sets from a man?

        Is his acquisition of these skill sets from a woman, less valid than if they were acquired from a man?

        Is this acquisition less valid if they are from any man, not his father?

        I recognize that ultimately my son will have to make his own way into ManLand–a place I cannot accompany him through… However, I can deliver him to the threshold– well-loved, loud of voice, strong of spine, shining of spirit…..and all-knowing of when to take the meat off the grill.

  6. i’m a gay lady with two moms, although my two moms aren’t together anymore, which makes the situation even more interesting… i think it would be a good topic for a roundtable. i would love to hear about other people’s experiences, and i know if it had come out when i was still living at home i would have cried of happiness knowing i wasn’t the only one. and i think that’s the point of these sort of things, right?

  7. Hi. I’m a seventeen year old lesbian, and my parents are lesbians as well. I read this website just about…every day. I’d love to have some kind of roundtable about being the gay child of gay parents, and the implications and benefits that come along with it.

    Also, British lezzies? YES.

    • IKR ?!
      My Mom is such a Gaymo!!
      I told her she needed to wake up and smell the lube!–it was such a great line and the waitress actually laughed out loud…while my mother stared at me blankly. (sigh)

      • Ha! At least that line wasn’t totally wasted then. The Guardian and Autostraddle – 2 of my favourite publications. I would love to hear people share their experiences, I don’t know many gay parents but I might become one. Also it would mean maybe I could return my library copy of Non-Biological Lesbian Mothers Confess, which is very very overdue.

  10. You looking just for homogay ladies with same-sex parents? Because I know a few hetero and bi guys with two moms…

  11. I don’t have 2 mums or dads, but I’ve got a pretty super-gaymo family.
    Dad’s sister and her partner are EVERYONES favourite rellies, and well, they are gay.
    My cousin (male) is gay.
    My second-cousin (slash-amazing-friend-slash-housemate)’s mum is also gay…
    And then you start counting family friends… So even though I don’t have homogreat parents, I still got a good dose of homogreatness!

    • If you have BBQ sauce and peanut butter and lesbians and jobs, please consider adopting me and my fabulous son into your family.

      • Hang on……I’ll just go grab those adoption papers that I’ve had lying around forever….
        I got plenty of peanut butter, BBQ sauce AND vegemite…without these three foods my life would be boring and I would be hungry!!!

  12. My family situation is interesting.
    While my mom and dad are still married, my mom has been with her girlfriend for most of my life. (It’s not nearly as strange as it sounds)
    So, I guess you could say I had two moms, in a way.
    The funny thing is, my dad totally taught me how to cook, but when he tried to teach me how to catch a ball, totally scared the shit out of me, because he kept throwing the ball straight up in the air at me.
    Now on the other hand, my mom’s girlfriend was the one who got me over my extreme fear of the ball (got hit in the mouth with a baseball first time I tried) and to water-ski and knee-board.
    So, I guess I live in a gender-bending environment.
    (Btw I’m a gaymo)

  13. I grew up with two moms that were simultaneously so dykey and so faggy I didn’t know what to do. It was a big old queer family, with my moms, my sisters, and all of my mothers’queer friends, many of whom lived with us at one time or another. I affectionately refer to my childhood as having been spent in a queer commune. Anyways, hit me up if you’re still looking for round table participants.

  14. I’m a 19-year-old queer girl and my dad’s gay. He and my mom divorced when I was five and he came out to me when I was ten. He’s been with his partner for eleven years now and although they’re not legally married (stupid Illinois), his partner is basically my stepdad no matter what the law says and he’s been part of my life since I was eight. I love this website to pieces and would love love love to be part of a roundtable!

  15. hey every1,
    Me and my misses are thinking of having a baby this year. I have a steady good job and so does she so theres no problems with finance ect…
    The problem is that although we love eachother dearly and have been together for 5years plus we are both between 20-25. Do you think we are too young to be going through this process?

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