Spencer scoops up Yvonne’s phone and takes it to Caleb, where Hanna also is, with the hard drive she stole from her mom’s secret box of Fruit Loops. He does some shenanigans to the hard drive and gives it back to Hanna, who weirdly leaves feeling weird knowing Spencer and Caleb are doin’ it in this place. And then he does some shenanigans to the phone to try to figure out who’s scheduling these rogue appointments for Spencer. There’s a whole scene dedicated to Spencer trying to figure out if the person who is acting like A in every way is, in fact, A, but Caleb settles on calling them Evil Emoji, and then just “Evil,” but like as a noun. “Are we sure Evil did this?”
When Spencer takes Yvonne’s phone back (after Caleb has hacked into Veronica’s opponents’ campaign database through it), Mona is there to collect it. She says she’ll just take it, thank you very much, and not tell anyone because the press (aka that one student reporter from Hollis University), would have a field day knowing Spencer had her hands on this phone. And then she leaves. Less than one minute on my screen. Sigh.
There are so many confusing things about this episode, and not in a good way. Like okay, Sara Harvey is dressed like if a midshipman on a fish stick box had a baby with Kenickie from Grease and lurking around the halls of Rosewood High School. She slithers into Alison’s classroom and says, “I didn’t know you worked here,” followed immediately by “I knew you worked here. I don’t know why I said that.” She sits down in one of Ali’s desks in her fish stick/T-Birds getup, still wearing those gloves, and tries to pluck Ali’s heartstrings about how she’s there to give a lecture on living with a disability (…?), and when Ali rolls her eyes at that— because somewhere, deep down inside her is that glorious girl who blew up Jenna and then went to the Hospital of the Blind without a single shred of remorse to play her like a song— Sara shifts gears and said they both actually loved Charlotte and maybe they can bond over that.
That’s the one that gets Ali.
Ali shows up later at Hanna’s to talk to Emily because Emily is icing her out for, I guess, saying that amazing-mean prayer about how she was going to exact precise revenge on the person who hurt Charlotte. Emily thinks she’s there because her boyfriend, who stopped by earlier for a reason that made no sense to me, saw the piece of paper Emily left out on the table that said I’M GETTING MY EGGS HARVESTED TODAY, but that’s not why. She just wants Emily to love her again. The first step in rebuilding their trust is for Ali to take Emily to the clinic to do her eggs.
There have been a lot of incompetent doctors on this show. At one time, Wren was working as a psychotherapist, orthopedist, eyeball transplant specialist, and veterinarian. But this woman who harvests Emily’s eggs went to medical school with Dr. Wordsmith from Arrested Development. She is terrible.
Doctor: While you were under the knife, we experienced … a complication.
Emily: You cut out my liver? Figures.
Doctor: No, the family who wanted to buy your eggs, they got pregnant. They don’t need your eggs.
Doctor: So, you can freeze them for a million dollars or I can throw them in the garbage.
Emily: Is there a third option that involves me donating them, even if I don’t get paid for it?
Doctor: Oh, right, yeah, I guess so. I forgot about that one.
Emily falls back to sleep and hallucinates Sara Harvey breaking into her hospital room to inject poison sports cream into her IV, and she hollers and thrashes around, and Ali has to wake her up to calm her and shush her with love and gentle caresses. If Byron were there, he’d be wearing a mask of Sara’s face and then when Emily woke up and started screaming even louder, he’d be like, “LOL, Did I scare you?”
Hanna returns the hard drive to an alleyway and goes back to New York and gets fired as soon as she arrives, for being late and getting mouthy about it.
And while that’s going on, Aria and Spencer rent the room next to Sara Harvey’s at the Radley and catapult across from their balcony to her balcony, and break in. They see — this is so stupid but also so amazing — a gloved hand peeping out from underneath the bed, and Aria goes, “WELL. I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE. THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE HERE.” And then Spencer is all, “YOU ARE RIGHT. IT WAS DUMB TO COME IN HERE. WE’LL JUST GO BACK OUTSIDE AND LEAP BACK ACROSS THE BALCONY LIKE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.” They open the door and close the door and stay in the room, like they’re playing hide and seek with a toddler. And then they pounce on the floor and grab Sara’s arm and but actually it’s just one of her menacing gloves.
They’re in there to look for the golf club that was used to kill Charlotte so Sara can’t use it to frame Byron, but they find some blue prints of Radley’s old asylum which is obviously now this hotel and Sara is in Charlotte’s old room. Spencer rushes into the closet to tell Aria about it, but there’s a giant hole busted into the wall and a ladder descending down into the depths of hell, and apparently Aria climbed down in there with no warning.
Emily is back at Lucas’ “penthouse.” She hears a disturbance in the hallway and goes out to find a bag of groceries for her. Inside the grocery sack is a carton of eggs. One is cracked open. And also there is a note saying that if Emily doesn’t do what Evil wants, Evil will … grow a bunch of Emily fetuses and amass an army of gay babies. Or something.
Evil tries to boot up the hard drive Hanna gave back, but it’s a recording of Caleb’s face laughing like a dark wizard, and then Evil’s whole hard drive gets erased. Old hobo, new tricks.
Next week: Roma Maffia says, “All the time you and your friends weren’t here? No murders!”
Thank you to Nicole (@PLLBigA) for these screencaps!