What is lesbian sex? The Real L Word Episode 104, “Gambling with Love,” asks this question and many others. Luckily we made a flowchart & recapped the episode, because that’s what lesbian sex means to us.

I’m just a shell of myself. Ok, Brandy? I’m a shell of myself.

Pretty Little Liars’ season finale aired last night, but the lesbian storyline, unlike a lot of other people on this show, is NOT DEAD YET. This is a miracle of epic proportions. And also, we love this show?

It’s Take Your Family to the Episode Day! I mean, it’s an episode about real lesbians. Or something. A recap of something that happened. I wish Slim Daddy had been in it though.

Christ almighty.

Skins Episode 407; in which Effy gets brainwashed and someone else gets their brains bashed in. Hahahaha JK! Or are we? Read the recap and find out!

Crystal & Riese recap the finale of Skins Season Four, “Everyone.” In which a few moments of beauty are somewhat clouded by a lethal dose of WTF. But it’s funny. ahahahahahah!

We recap Episode 405: Effy, in which Freddie and Effy take a little mania along with their love, and Katie F*cking Fitch wears a sexy angel outfit.

It’s Episode 404 of Skins, when Katie mixes a heavy dose of kickass with a little portion of feelings feelings feelings. How’d Naomi and Emily end up in the swimming pool? Let’s recap.

Crystal & Riese recap Episode 403 of Skins. It’s Cook’s episode, but there’s plenty going on.

We recap episode 406 of Skins, in which JJ meets a cute girl at the candy shop and everyone tells him love won’t last, including Emily. But all hope is not lost.

Crystal & Riese recap episode 402 (Season Four, Episode 2) of Skins, “Emily.” There were a lot of feelings, a lot of lesbian things happening, and also Effy and Emily’s cross-dressing brother of love.

Naomi and Emily are back! Laughing! Looking cute! Making out! Here’s a recap of the Skins season four premiere.

If you forget the whole child-rape-flashback thing, the Papa Porter dying thing, the Helena-wasting-time-Tina-could-be-with-Bette thing, the paper-dolls/Baruch Atah LaLa Hoolehay Heeyhoooo thing, the Marc pantsing himself thing (when he really should just write “fuck me” on his chest) and the Jenny/Random Elder thing, Loud and Proud is one of the series’ best episodes. Let me rephrase this: if “The L Word” was “The Dana & Alice Show,” Loud and Proud would be one of THAT show’s best episodes.

Just fyi, no one wants to look like they’re moving furniture when they’re fucking. In other news, Adele is creepily turning into Jenny and Phyllis’s daughter is a babe.

When in doubt, dance. Dance, I say! Dance! Dance all over the stage, change your clothes, tear up the floor, waltz and tango and skip and mambo your smokin’ hot bod down to the village square, hook up with the Pied Piper of WeHo and dance your way out of regularly scheduled programming into the idea well of death.

Talk about NOT ending with a bang. Really IFC, it’s one thing to weigh down your show’s sixth season with an endless parade of unnecessary melodramatic plot devices — a murder, a pregnant man, a stolen film, a botched adoption from homophobic out-of-towners, two out-of-the-blue love triangles — and quite another thing to, when the season ends, not even “use” these devices to infuse the series finale with aforementioned melodrama.

Next time you move to LA to be with your swim coach boyfriend, uncover lifelong lesbian longings via a literary-minded French seductress, get caught by boyfriend, get married to boyfriend in Vegas, road-trip back home on ’shrooms, discover your French lover’s Sugar Mama’s back in town, break up with the boyf and the girlf, move into your ex-husband’s vacated home, get lady-lover Shane to move in and consequently…well, you know what comes next.

Jenny is more Jenny than EVER this season, Shane fucks it up again, Helena’s even pretty in jail, and someone commits arson! arson! Oh yeah, and Alice and Tasha are cutehotadorablesexybeautifuletcetc.

I hope you had sex this week because no one on The L Word did. Instead, Phyllis has a crush on Alice, Angus is Butter Boy, and Shane continues to feed Shay food that she should be eating.