Glee, Modern Family, Community, The Fall Television Gay Conspiracy, Beautiful Life, THREE RIVERS (why shane, why?), Stargate Universe, More Fall Television excitement than anyone CAN POSSIBLY HANDLE!, Spartacus, and so much more!

Glee Drinking Game … and tonight, the GLEE LIVEBLOG OF THE CENTURY

America’s Best Dance Crew, True Blood, Weeds, Intervention, Mad Men, Toddlers & Tiaras, Drop Dead Diva, My Life on the D-List, and the Hot Girl of the Week.

So much excitement we had to split up the Televisionary into two this week! So this is part one for “scripted” TV shows, with recaps of Weeds THE LESBIAN KISS EPISODE, Nurse Jackie, Drop Dead Diva and True Blood. And also, your Hot Girl of the week is ALL THAT. Also Zoey is our favorite.

“THE MUSIC BEGINS! And THEN! Bam!! -Max feels the baby kick BAM! – it’s Henry’s back fucking Tina – the music rises and BAM-BAM – Kit’s jive talking BAM! The Nanny gives Angus a Blow Job BAM! Jenny with the paper dolls–“

The entire team pitches in to recap True Blood, Ten Things I Hate About You, Masterchef Australia, Intervention, Nurse Jackie, Weeds, Gimme Sugar, Ruby Rose’s new project “The 7 PM Project,”

“Vampire sex on the bloody deathbed of a flapper wannabe who is still gushing from her neck?! This is why I watch this show, Allan! Thank you!” (and also: Nurse Jackie, Weeds, My Life on the D List, Intervention, Drop Dead Diva, 10 Things I Hate About You, Better off Ted, and TWO Hot Girls of the week)

“You have to break the shell, be okay with who you are regardless of the cameras and know that there’s someone out there who’s gonna relate to you. There’s no character space so if you’re not yourself that shuts off the whole reason for reality TV. Especially when it’s something about lesbians — that’s for everyone, even for gay boys, we’re fighting for visibility.”

If you forget the whole child-rape-flashback thing, the Papa Porter dying thing, the Helena-wasting-time-Tina-could-be-with-Bette thing, the paper-dolls/Baruch Atah LaLa Hoolehay Heeyhoooo thing, the Marc pantsing himself thing (when he really should just write “fuck me” on his chest) and the Jenny/Random Elder thing, Loud and Proud is one of the series’ best episodes. Let me rephrase this: if “The L Word” was “The Dana & Alice Show,” Loud and Proud would be one of THAT show’s best episodes.

“See … I’m a little behind regarding the going-ons of this show because ’til just last year, I hadn’t even seen it. Some could say that makes me a lousy lesbian but in my defense, Australian free TV only aired the first season which’s why “this train’s running so late for lezzie town.””

True Blood, Nurse Jackie, Weeds, Defying Gravity, America’s Best Dance Crew, Intervention, The 2009 Teen Choice Awards, So You Think You Can Dance, My Life on the D-List, Drop Dead Diva, Toddlers & Tiaras,

“THE MUSIC BEGINS! And THEN! Bam!! – Max punches Tom BAM! – Catherine’s f*cking Helena with the cash – the music rises and BAM-BAM – Gomey says you can’t get up in there BAM! The Nanny gives Angus a Blow Job BAM!”

“Living here and having grown up here you almost forget it’s so different. I never had to worry about walking down the street with my girlfriend holding my hand. And if this show — if me coming out — helps one person, then it was worth it.”

Just fyi, no one wants to look like they’re moving furniture when they’re fucking. In other news, Adele is creepily turning into Jenny and Phyllis’s daughter is a babe.

When in doubt, dance. Dance, I say! Dance! Dance all over the stage, change your clothes, tear up the floor, waltz and tango and skip and mambo your smokin’ hot bod down to the village square, hook up with the Pied Piper of WeHo and dance your way out of regularly scheduled programming into the idea well of death.

Of all foods: french fries. Of all underthings: boybriefs. . Of all girls: Shane. Of all cheekbones: Tasha’s. Of all L Word writers: Angela Robinson. Of all cities: New York City. Of all songs: “Just Like Heaven,” by the Cure. It’s just … such a perfect song, and the last song I ever expected to hear during an L Word sex scene!

“We’ll comb desperately and hungrily through minutes upon minutes of storylines we don’t care about on shows we’ve never seen before — aliens! middle schoolers! telenovelas! big brother 10! — to reach the two-minute morsel we care about more than we probably should: the holy grail of promised homosexual content.”

Why are there twice as many lesbian squabbles as lesbian sexy moments in this show? Oh yeah, it’s because this is the way that we liveeeeeeeee. This is the one where Ilene reminds us all that men are disgusting, loathsome creatures by making henry cut his toenails.

“As your resident Australian girl-on-girl, I feel it’s my obligation to update you on the most important thing to ever happen in the history of Lesbians in Australia (since the birth of Portia De Rossi): the torrid affair between Charlie and Joey.”

Wanda Sykes has a show you guys! Also crazy stuff happens on Gossip Girl and Heroes, and per ushe, we love Portia.