Ever been punched in a tit before? That crushing pain in your areola and the dense tissue of the breast? Brutal. I’ll take dental surgery over titty punches any day.

Bonus: 20 pictures of Samira Wiley to help you make up your mind about whether or not you’re ready to be America’s Next Top Bottom Boo.

Crack is wack.

“Nothing like clean pores to motivate the capture and slaughter of a chicken.”

It’s important to be super fucking aware of why this show resonates so deeply with people, and I wanna know what y’all think. [SPOILER ALERT: all the spoilers]

Indeed, they are lesbianing together.

1.5 hours of extended pleasure courtesy of songs from and in the spirit of “Orange Is The New Black.”

I look forward to your angry defensive comments re: the benefits of ingesting menstrual blood.

Let’s just go right ahead and kick off this recap with a gif of Alex. Let’s make that a thing that we do, okay?

Lesbian criminals who are members of an international drug cartel, what the fuck else is up.

All those times where you’re like, is it squirt, is it pee, who has to sleep in the wet spot, do we lay down a towel before sex now, etc.

“Red’s husband is like, whoa, free-thinking woman, are you on your period or something? Who let you out of the kitchen?”

Butches and dogs! Dogs and butches! What can be better? Nothing, actually. Nothing is better than butches and dogs.

A look at the stories behind the stories and the humans behind the characters and the numbers behind those stories in everybody’s favorite lezalicious prison dramedy.