“Nothing like clean pores to motivate the capture and slaughter of a chicken.”

Indeed, they are lesbianing together.

Paige throws Emily a surprise birthday party but Emily shows up completely pissed off. This is not going to end well.

This week we’re promised a million big reveals and something called World War A. Also Emily and Paige have a sleepover. You can guess which part I’m more excited about.

I look forward to your angry defensive comments re: the benefits of ingesting menstrual blood.

Nothing is more awkward that coming out to your friends’ parents or your parents’ friends. This week on Pretty Little Liars Emily handles it like a champ.

Let’s just go right ahead and kick off this recap with a gif of Alex. Let’s make that a thing that we do, okay?

Lesbian criminals who are members of an international drug cartel, what the fuck else is up.

Okay. A murderous, cyber-stalking, all-knowing bully I can grasp, but any teen girl talking to her dad like this? No way.

All those times where you’re like, is it squirt, is it pee, who has to sleep in the wet spot, do we lay down a towel before sex now, etc.

“Red’s husband is like, whoa, free-thinking woman, are you on your period or something? Who let you out of the kitchen?”

The week on Pretty Little Liars everyone is snooping around and we catch up on some Deep Thoughts with Melissa Hastings.

Did you watch the launch of Big Brother Australia on Monday night? No, me either. Then I found out Tully Smyth was in it, and now I’ve recapped this show for you.

In which Paige and Emily virtually U-Haul and Aria considered a longterm sub-dom BDSM relationship.

The season premiere of Pretty Little Liars finally answered all of our burning questions! Like which college will Emily and Paige UHaul off to in the fall?!

Butches and dogs! Dogs and butches! What can be better? Nothing, actually. Nothing is better than butches and dogs.

It’s college visit week in Rosewood and Emily has a sorority she really wants to visit, if you know what I mean. Also featuring a straight dude who can’t figure out that Emily is gay and Aria’s ugliest skirt yet!

Rosewood is crawling with masks this week, but all Emily cares about is when she, her shoulder and Paige are going to be back in action.

The Pretty Little Liars winter premiere is here! Mona comes back to school and Spencer gets all hot and wet.

This week on Bomb Girls, Betty’s military booty call goes long distance, Vera makes everyone teary-eyed with her perfection, and Gladys’ magical vagina continues to act as a doofus magnet.