This week on Glee, enthusiastic children danced and sang and broke walls as William Schuster toed the blurred line between “the worst” and THE WORST.

Welcome to the sixth episode of American Horror Story, where I come face to face with my greatest fear: bad New Orleans accents!

The good news is that Mercedes is back, the bad news is that Kurt got gay-bashed.

“I would love to know how much money this show spends on snakes, drummers, and chalk.”

“Just when all hope seems lost, Zoe beheads the zombie while wielding a motherfucking chainsaw! Look who just became an interesting character!”

“Snakes hatch from eggs and crawl on them. They stab each other in the chest with needles. You know, typical married sex.”

This week on Glee, Santana Lopez and Dani fall madly in love in three minutes, which lez be honest is kinda realistic.

At this point, we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the season without a reveal that Pongo is the father of Rapunzel who is married to Smee who is secretly the child of Flounder who is actually the son of one of the scary trees from Snow White.

It’s Halloween in Rosewood! Actually it isn’t, but it’s Halloween here and the Liars are in costumes with quite a lot of cleavage!

Go out to your local Halloween store, buy a overpriced plastic witch’s hat, and prepare to hold the fuck onto it!

What drug were the Glee writers on while designing this year’s Christmas special? That question and more will not be answered in this week’s recap!

This week on Glee, various lyrics were sung in bizarre contexts and everybody slapped everybody else in the face!

In which Kate takes over the Gleecap for a week and is unsure how to recap a tribute episode

This week on Glee, everybody took turns dressing up like idiots and my gay boyfriend Adam Lambert showed up to sing a tune or two!

This week in Rosewood, Emily and Paige queer a hoedown! That’s right, it’s girls dancing together in plaid and cowboy boots!

This episode’s theme is “people are mad at Piper and we don’t really blame them that much” and I know y’all agree.

I hope your terrible facial hair overtakes your face and you choke on it.

Ever been punched in a tit before? That crushing pain in your areola and the dense tissue of the breast? Brutal. I’ll take dental surgery over titty punches any day.

Welcome back to the wonderful world of Glee, where boys tongue-kiss each other at school!

Crack is wack.