All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from Shutterstock. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
- Why not try approaching dating like a hobby?:
“Instead of thinking about it as a thing you have to do, and do a lot, in order to find success, why not think of dating as an enjoyable activity you choose to do? Just a fun pursuit. Like tennis. In true hobby fashion, there’s nothing really to gain except honing a particular specialized skill, meeting people you otherwise wouldn’t meet, filling idle hours, and maybe getting some physical exercise, by which I mean maybe getting laid. Apparently, having hobbies helps make you happy, and how nice to think of dating as something that could make you happy, too — here, now, and not in some future happy ending.”
- The only way to get what you want is to ask for it. Yes even on dating apps. Honesty is hot:
“According to Zander, ‘the work’ involves admitting what you want and owning who you are—even on something as casual as a dating app. […]
‘Telling the truth is hot.’ Zander says. ‘You can say, ‘I’m really looking for my person. They’d better be good.’ But you also have to tell the truth to yourself,’ she says. ‘Be honest with yourself if you like someone. Be honest with yourself if you don’t. Otherwise, you’re just going to be manipulating someone else, and yourself, for a relationship you might not even want. To me, that’s desperate. Not saying, ‘I’m multi-faceted, I have a lot of parts to me, I want to be with someone who acknowledges them and I want to have fun, too.’”
- Here are some sex things to try according to your astrological sign. And remember, your moon sign impacts your approach to intimacy, too.
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It’s okay and awesome to star in your own sex fantasies, or to not star in your own fantasies, whatever you want.
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Got a partner (or self) into humiliation play and not sure where to start? Negotiate together, be thoughtful, go slow, be aware of context and check in often.
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Here’s how to tell the difference between rumbly and buzzy vibrators.
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“Micro-cheating” is absurd.
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“[D]ating with Down Syndrome can be a complicated,” writes Sofia Barrett-Ibarria at Broadly.
+ Be discerning with who you have sex with on shrooms, writes Madison Margolin:
“‘Sex, like everything else on psychedelics, is amplified,’ says Neal Goldsmith, a New York-based psychologist and author of Psychedelic Healing. ‘Psychedelics enhance what’s already there, they put you in touch with reality with greater clarity and intensity than you generally experience.’ Because, he says, ‘sex is so different than everyday walking life, such as going to the grocery story,’ or making sandcastles for that matter, sex on psychedelics could also be very ’emotional, visceral, hormonal, or psychological.’”
- The only way to talk about consent is to also talk about pleasure, argues Andrea Barrica at the Establishment:
“Why is pleasure important? Because asking for what we want and saying no to what we don’t want is a direct rebellion against the patriarchy. Because how do we teach anyone about giving their enthusiastic “yes” if they don’t understand pleasure? Because men expect pleasure every single time they are sexually intimate, and women should, too. Most of all? Pleasure is a powerful form of self-care, wellness, and has been proven to be a key driver of happiness.”
i was hoping this would have a link to the gifset about rumbly and buzzy vibrators and i wasn’t disappointed. it’s so weird and fascinating.
oh my GOD the rumbly/buzzy gifs are amazing. The Tango truly is a gift.
also where can a person find excessively-strappy bras like in the fourth image?
THE TANGO IS TRULY A GIFT
I’ve also been super into that strappy bra look lately and according to my extensive research it seems like 90% of the time the person is wearing a boobless harness thingy over a regular bra. Origami Customs makes a really nice looking harness, which I plan to order after my next paycheck ;-)
Ooh, good call!
Ahhhhhh I clicked on the consent/pleasure article knowing it would piss me the hell off, and BOY DID IT DELIVER. I do not appreciating the insinuation that I am not capable of giving consent (enthusiastic or otherwise) because I do not experience pleasure from sex (quite literally the opposite–due to chronic pain, literally anything involving arousal is FUCKING PAINFUL for me). I also find it ironic that this disabling (literally.) chronic pain is evidently something that this author thinks that she is addressing–after all she’s addressing sex and pleasure after trauma and pleasure and disability. Fucking hell. I feel like I’m back in 2012 when there was much debate about sex and pleasure and “can asexual people ACTUALLY consent to sex if they don’t find it pleasurable?” like I THOUGHT WE HAD MOVED PAST THIS. HI, ASEXUAL DISABLED PERSON HERE. PLEASE STOP WITH THE “SEX NEEDS TO BE PLEASURABLE”* DISCOURSE. THAT IS SOMETHING THAT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME. STOP MAKING THAT A BARRIER TO ME HAVING SEX BECAUSE I CAN FUCKING CHOOSE WHETHER OR NOT I ACTUALLY WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX FOR MYSELF THANKS, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT IS PLEASURABLE FOR ME**.
*(this isn’t giving dudes or partners of any gender a pass on being a shitty partner and not caring about their partners’ experience with sex or listening to them. no. miss me with that shit. you need to care about your partner’s experience of sex with you. but any partner that “insists” on giving me pleasure will find themselves kicked the fuck out of my bedroom because they are not listening to me or caring about my experience AT ALL which is literally the fucking opposite of what being a good partner involves. can the focus please be on “care about your partner’s experience in the bedroom” and not “sex is FUN AND PLEASURABLE” please?????)
**listen, a lot of things aren’t pleasurable or fun for me or a lot of people are still worth it. Going for that jog? Running that marathon? Well, guess what, I guess if you’re not having a fucking pleasurable time, you shouldn’t do that because Arbitrary People Say So. Seriously. Sex is an activity, and an important one for many people. So is exercising. Like okay yeah if you hate jogging, biking or rowing or another form of exercise might be a better fit for you and more fun! But maybe you still want to cross-train occasionally by jogging even though you hate it? Cool, that is YOUR DECISION TO MAKE.
Thank you for bringing this up! I was thinking some of this as I was perusing that article, although I’ll admit I hadn’t thought of the chronic pain perspective. But yeah, as an asexual person I’m fairly confident that if I ever choose to have sex, I probably won’t experience the kind or level of pleasure that people get from the magic of sexual attraction. Nor will I likely be “enthusiastic” in the way that some people would prefer–perhaps curious? Looking for a new experience? I’d like to think that my “yes” will still count.
FYI the author who wrote the dating with down syndrome article is a queer acquaintance of mine(who I also have a friend crush on).
I have to admit I did shrooms twice, and the first really messy stomach feel. If a sexy time activity did arise I don’t think I could have done it as eating shrooms can mess with your stomach(some vomit others have to go to the restroom). Second time I tried it was in tea form and way more gentle. Maybe the better way to try it out, specially for your first time.