NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Just A Parody

If you find the popular Fox television show Glee to be intensely problematic, then you’ll really really really just flip out in ecstasy over This Ain’t Glee: A XXX Parody. Yup, porn parodies remain a fairly successful merchandising area for the mainstream porn companies that churn them out (with the Sarah Palin-inspired “Nailin’ Palin” at the front of the pack). They’re often offensive, sometimes ridiculous, and always, always, always fucking hilarious — or, at least, the cover art is hilarious, we’ve never actually watched any of these. For the best pop culture parodies, complete with trailers, check out this article from The Houston Press. And here’s some of your favorite (and least favorite) movies and television shows, porn-style, just for funsies, because they’re funny. Aren’t they? I mean. Really — we even made a gallery for you (click to enlarge):


Additional NSFW Links

+ Today in “hypothetical questions with no legitimate base in reality,” a recent Life Time Fitness survey found that in order to lose ten pounds, women would rather give up sex before they’d give up their cell phone.

+ According to a study in The Journal of Sex Research, most heterosexual women don’t orgasm and don’t receive oral sex from casual sex partners:

“Women are a far more likely to perform oral sex during a hookup than to receive it, which is one of the reasons that college age women report climaxing only one-third of the time in first time hook-ups, and no more than half the time in repeat hook-ups (more than one sexual encounter with the same person).”

But is that true for lesbians? What do you think?

via pinktacolovers.tumblr.com

+ “Female horniness is an important, and missing, narrative in our culture.  We have a well-developed idea of female sluttiness, but that’s a different thing.”

+ In Isn’t the World Fantastic news, Utne Reader reports on The Dirty Girls Ministries, which preaches about the “evils” of female masturbation!

via queerfatfemme.tumblr.com

+ So, having sex changes your brain forever. Just FYI.

+ The 2012 Pirelli Calendar is here! (includes total nudity)!

+ I don’t know if you’ve already seen this, but Lindsay Lohan was in Playboy and we have all those photos for you. Furthermore, a sexy holiday gift guide also exists on this fabulous website.

+ Cool sexy photography and words in German that I don’t understand on I Look At Myself.

+ Pussy Calor: A tumblr you might like.


Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Reviews #12 & #13:

It’s our 12th and 13th Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Reviews! Over the last few years, we’ve been propositioned frequently by sex toy companies wondering if we’d like to review their toy in exchange for, you know, their toys. In 2011, in addition to “saying yes to the dress” we are saying YES to the sex toys!

This week we have two fun Holiday Kits from Good Vibrations.


Season’s Pleasing Kit ($99)

  • Calla Click ‘n Charge Vibrator
  • Please Gel
  • Blossom Organics Pure Arousal Gel

This kit is so chill and unintimidating. The Calla vibrator is waterproof and rechargeable, which is something I’ve come to expect from all the vibrators lately. I also expect that I’ll need to read the instructions, because there are settings and locks and patterns and things can get complicated. The Calla, however, is remarkably uncomplicated. The only thing that stumped me was how it charged via the Click N Charge system. After watching a few videos online, I’d mastered the art of connecting the two magnets — a feat that ended up being much simpler than I’d been making it. The charging system was the most interesting element of the Season’s Pleasing Kit for a good part of the evening, then I turned it on.

The Calla has a velvety texture, which isn’t nearly as weird as it sounds and pairs really well with the Please Gel. It’s soft enough to be maneuverable and bendy, but not too squishy. There are three pulsating patterns — all interesting and enjoyable — and five speeds. I tend to hover in the low to medium-low speed range, and I can say with confidence that the Calla’s higher speed settings would definitely be enough for someone who liked it… speedier.

Also there’s this lip — the pleasure petal — that’s positioned to be in clit-range during insertion. This is what we call ‘attention to detail’ and it was greatly appreciated. Yes.

I usually stay away from lubes and gels because they all seem to end in burning and sadness, but the Please Gel and Blossom Arousal Gel were both very friendly. No burning, no sadness. Just slippery slippery sex.

The best part of the Season’s Pleasings Kit is that you get the Calla vibrator and two different sex gels for $10 less than you’d normally pay for the Calla alone. That’s crazy!


 

Holiday Hottie Kit ($129)

  • OhMiBod Freestyle G wireless vibrator (pink or purple ABS; 5 1/2″ insertable x 1 1/4″ diameter)
  • Rhinestone Pasties
  • Please Pleasure Cream
  • Please Liquid Lube

The Freestyle G is quiet, rechargeable, and feels delightfully smooth to the touch. I found the multiple music settings clumsy to navigate: juggling an iPod, the transmitter, headphones, lube, and the actual vibrator was such a distraction that it felt more like Writing a Review of This Sex Toy than it did like sexy funtimes. With a stereo/iPod dock and the accompanying penchant for listening to music during sex, I think this would be really awesome (and without, it does vibrate delightfully to the music, but feels a little too distracting). Eventually I gave up on the vibrating-with-the-music settings and used the regular vibrator settings, of which there are seven.

This is also the best g-spot toy I’ve used (of two). It lights up and is purple (or pink) and vibrates and, while if you are going to play around with the settings you should probably do that before you start using it because it gets slippery as, um, fuck, it was easy to use and mostly easy to grip and did not end up punching me in the throat when I used it with my girlfriend, which is always a good quality in a vibrator.

Like many other sex toys, it is also handy for tickling.

As another reviewer mentioned, the Please Liquid Lube is awesome because it’s glycerin-free and doesn’t tingle. The Please Pleasure Cream definitely does tingle (on your lady bits, but if you test it on your wrist it just feels a little cool), and has menthol in it and a hot/cold sensation that I think will be very love/hate (and a little more love with something that vibrates).

The Rhinestone Pasties were basically hilarious. They stuck on really easily (all the little pieces were connected with transparent sticky webbing so there was no spending hours putting individual stones in place, ala whoever did wardrobe for “Toxic.”) and, even though putting them on seemed really funny, laughing during sex in a positive way is basically always a good thing.

Disclaimer: All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email our tech director at bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.

Posts published as anonymous are not necessarily by the same author.

Guest has written 133 articles for us.

39 Comments

  1. That link to the study about how “sex changes your brain forever” needs a qualifier: “sex changes your brain forever IF YOU’RE A MALE RAT; THERE’S NO REASON TO GO AHEAD AND ASSUME THAT THIS IS TRUE IN HUMANS WITHOUT FURTHER INVESTIGATION”

  2. I find it disappointing that porn parodies are now almost always called “This Ain’t Movie” or “TV Show: a XXX Parody” instead of having names that are hilarious puns.

    Although I did just notice that one of the titles in the gallery above is “Jon And Kate Fuck Eight”. Not bad.

  3. Personally, I think the trailers for Japanese porn parodies that I’ve stumbled across are the most hilarious, because they’re just so…weirdly cute. It’s disturbing.

  4. Thoughts:
    Soooo the FOX News parody is confusing and amusing at the same time.

    That article from Utne Reader is super depressing.

    Fact: Good Vibrations carries some AWESOME pasties. There are some much more punk rock/uber queer ones (hot pink ‘X’s and rainbow stars) available.

  5. There’s a tumblr called Fashion It So which does funny fashion reviews and episode commentary for Star Trek: TNG and they did a hilarious feature on the Star Trek XXX parody (the screen caps are surprisingly SFW, considering it’s a porn movie). Those porn acresses do have nice eyebrows.

    Also, I got that Pirelli confused with Parelli and was wondering what the fuck a calendar about horse training was doing in this post. I was worried there for a second.

  6. OMG. They actually made the 30 Rock one! I remember watching the episode where Liz sells the rights to her life for a porno and seeing Lisa Ann. If any of the money from buying the film goes to Tina Fey, I’ll order that shit in a heartbeat.

  7. sometimes after reading these i imagine a bunch of skinny lesbians sitting around their computers looking for pictures of fatties or non-whites to put in their articles just so they feel inclusive and progressive

    best not to sacrifice how “forward thinking” you guys are by NOT having at least one fat girl and black girl per post, right girls?

    • Here’s an idea–if you’re offended that this website happens to be partially run by skinny white lesbians, go elsewhere.

      Skinny white lesbians need love too. Trufax. Not their fault they’re skinny white lesbians.

      quitcher trolling.

      • i’m not offended by who runs it. i’m offended by their white guilt and their obsessive and perverse moral imperative to make sure everyone of every possible minority is included at ALL TIMES

        like those commercials for childrens toys where there’s one person of each race and it just feels disgusting, preachy and forced

        • um, i don’t want to get involved in this conversation and i know you’re just trolling but i feel it needs to be pointed out to the class that being a skinny white lesbian is completely unrelated to finding only other skinny white lesbians attractive.

          we like girls of varied shapes/sizes/colors, we’re happy to have a space for the first time in our lives where we can honestly represent the diversity of what women find sexy rather than repeatedly churning out additional versions what mass media has convinced us is the only kind of sexy (skinny white feminine women) and implying otherwise is really gross. like the suggestion that the only reason there’d be a fat girl or a black girl in posts about sexy women is because we want to be “progressive” or “fill a quota” makes me want to barf. and if i barfed, i’d be even skinner and whiter than i am now, so.

        • We can be best fwends. But you’ll have to deal with me being an average-sized white lesbian…

          I’M SORRY I’M JUST TRYING TO TRY.

          let’s talk about something else, like the delicious freckles on one of the girls in the third picture. Nom nom nom.

      • Ditto!

        Seriously, it’s like people don’t think before that type dumb shit like “like those commercials for childrens toys where there’s one person of each race and it just feels disgusting, preachy and forced”

        @[insert possible troll’s name]What is so horrible about diversity? It’s preachy to you, HOW!?! You realize there are different types of people right? For me it’s nice to know that when I come on this site as a person of color AS gives a shit and finds a wide range of women sexy where on other queer sites it’s white-washed (maybe you should go to those sites *eye roll*) People like you, ugh. UGH!

        PS: Saying that those in charge of AS have white guilt? I can’t even.

        PSS: I *STILL* can’t even: the xxx parody…because this shit must be a joke.

    • and what are your CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions for including lesbians of color and plus sized lesbians on this website but the solution is never going to be not representing these groups at all. unless you have some kind of problem with diversity?

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