What if Michelle Tea Procreated

Laneia’s Team Pick:

“Hi. My name is Michelle Tea. I turned 40 this year and realized I forgot to have a child. Now I am trying to get pregnant before all my eggs dry up. Do you know what happens to your eggs in your 40s? Google it. Or don’t, just come with me as I learn all about 40+ pregnancy as a single queer lady who hardly knows a single sperm-producing man.”

And so begins what will surely be the most epic weekly column xojane has ever seen: Getting Pregnant With Michelle Tea.

"So THAT'S how babies are made!" photo by Tara Jepsen

Michelle Tea is maybe gonna get pregnant, or at least she’s seriously considering it, and you can follow along! Would you read anything that Michelle Tea wrote? Probably. I know I would. But this column allows you to consider — I mean, even if briefly — that your favorite tiny fireball tornado might someday be in charge of steering her own tiny fireball tornado and setting it loose on the world, which is mostly an amazing prospect.

Both of my small people were unplanned — though not unwelcome, it’s worth noting, in all caps maybe — so I actually don’t know what it feels like to decide that you’re ready to have kids. I mean, I can’t imagine feeling ready for this, but I realize I’m probably the exception.

“I’ve mastered this existence,” says Tea. Oh. Maybe that’s what it feels like.

Assuming Michelle Tea does procreate, who else do you think should multiply in order to (hopefully) create a better world? Currently I’d really appreciate more Prairie Dawns and Janeane Garofalos.

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Laneia is the Director of Operations and founding member of Autostraddle, and you're the reason she's here.

Laneia has written 918 articles for us.


  1. in other “famous queer people trying to have babies solo while they still can” news, Staceyann Chin has been writing about her own baby-making quest over at HuffPo. I bet both her and Michelle Tea’s kids will be incredibly precocious and devilishly smart.

  2. My mom was a single parent who had me at age 42. I love that this is happening. More people need to know that it’s totally okay to have a baby at 40, and that it’s totally okay to be a single parent. Actually, studies show that children of single, working mothers tend to be intelligent, creative, and successful, and men raised by single mothers have a much lower rate of divorce and domestic abuse.

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