When Amendment 1 passed in North Carolina, most socially well-adjusted and otherwise good people were disappointed and upset. But for the people working to ensure that illegal gay marriage in the state was doubly illegal, it was cause for a celebration about as kind and loving as they are.
According to the News Observer, 250 supporters were at the Hilton North Raleigh for a wedding-themed party when news broke that Amendment 1 had passed. The event had a cash bar, an endless flow of love songs, and a seven-tier white wedding cake featuring – of course – a man and woman on top hugging one another. Keeping it classy!
When the Amendment’s success was announced by the Associated Press, Tami Fitzgerald, chairwoman of Vote for Marriage, gave a speech in which it became clear that she is an absolute loon who knows nothing of current heterosexual marriage divorce rates or our secular government. She was okay with that, though:
“Ladies and gentlemen, through God’s great mercy we have won an overwhelming victory tonight,” she said.
The voters, she said, sent a clear and unmistakable desire to “protect marriage in our state, in our country.”
“As you all know, marriage was not invented by government. Our creator established it as the union of a man and a woman in an exclusive lifelong covenant and it has merely been recognized by government as the key to a strong and flourishing society.”
The only overriding message of the festivities appears to be that gay people can’t have their cake or eat it at all, but that straight people will continue to do both in front of us for a very long time. I struggle to decide whether holding a wedding reception to celebrate marriage inequality is tacky or actually just the shittiest idea any shitty human being could ever have. At the end of the day, what I do know is that Tami Fitzgerald and whoever else planned the party are probably the most unimaginative adult bullies in the universe.
I hope they’re proud of themselves, but most of all I hope that cake was dry and / or bland.