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All the jokes about ~being on the naughty list~ are overdone, so let’s just cut the crap and say it: We’re Horny On The Holigays. Some folks get time off to (literally) screw around! Others (like me) are stuck working retail dreaming of a wet Christmas. While there’s no better toy or tool than your imagination, actual physical items are great for your sex life as well, especially if you and your partners dabble in BDSM. I’ve compiled a short list of what to buy for the kinky kinksters in your life.

For the Newbie

1 / Liberator Bond Deluxe Kit ($49.99)
2 / Sex Ties & Bondage Tape ($12.99)
3 / XOXO Impression Paddle ($12.99)
4 / Send Nudes Greeting Card ($5.99)
5 / Banana Clutch ($28.00)
6 / Padded Paddle ($84.99)

We all start somewhere on this wild kinky journey called LIFE. Here’s some simple-to-use items that are great starting points for a well-rounded toy box. The Liberator Bond Deluxe Kit comes with easy to use soft velcro cuffs and a blindfold-a classic for any sex scene! What’s really groovy about this kit is that it comes with all this connecting hardware that really lets your imagination play beyond “arms tied above the head”. Bondage Tape is literally the easiest thing to use for bondage and is limitless in its uses: tape someone’s arms against their body, tape them to a chair, tape around someone’s head as a strange but intense blindfold etc etc. The International Paddle by Kookie is great at producing a loud THUD when slapped against the body but is actually super poofy, so there’s not a lot of pain in this impact toy. Pack these up in a sparkling banana bag and bring it to your holigay gathering to make xxx-mas eve a little more interesting.

For the Bratty Brat

1 / 100% That Bitch Pin ($10.00)
2 / Bloom Print Robe ($68.50)
3 / Heart Crop ($26.99)
4 / Latex Heart Ball Gag ($72.86)
5 / Giant Teddy Bear ($152.09)
6 / Bossy Bottom Zine ($3.97)

Picture this: the local brat in your life, draped in a silky floral robe, being spanked with a cute crop while bent over the giant teddy bear you bought them, and their (playful but real) frustration at not being able to talk back for the first time in their life thanks to their new pink heart ball gag.

For the Leather Daddy/Leather Mommi

1 / Black Leather Boots ($85.00)
2 / Kinky Music ($4.00)
3 / Yes Cruising Pin ($5.00)
4 / Leather Coven Pin ($12.00)
5 / Boot Lace Flogger ($109.99)
6 / Bootblacking Hanky ($15.24)

These are also great gifts for yourself or a loved one; everyone should own some sweet leather boots! Give ‘em something to lick! There’s also the amazing Bare Leatherworks Bootlace Flogger — which like, YES PLEASE — a perfect mix between a sting and a thud sensation. Add a YES CRUISING pin to your lover’s leather jacket, blast some music from Kinky, stuff a hanky in your back pocket,and y’all are in the mood to hit the gay bar — which is where I like to spend MY holidays.

For Your Sweet Sub

1 / Salto Slingback ($80.00)
2 / Wild Wolf Leather
3 / Play Vegan Harnesses
4 / Humphrey Pillow ($139.00)
5 / Power Bottom Pin ($12.00)
6 / Seagrape Massage Oil ($21.99)

Help the submissive in your life relax! Seagrape is a queer-owned store in Portland creating super lovely massage oil — totally perfect for after care! The Liberator Slingback is not only a rad accessibility tool, but can help anyone who wants to ~take it~ for an extended length of time. Make sure your lover has some quality bondage equipment that matches their unique aesthetic! And the ultimate relaxation toy: a pillow you can literally hump and then sleep on (thanks to its ability to hold a Magic Wand!).

For Your Darlin’ Dom

1 / Vegan PVC Cuffs ($49.00)
2 / Buck Dich Paddle ($80.00)
3 / Handy Rubber Flogger ($39.99)
4 / Triple Pinwheel ($40.00)
5 / Aloe Peppermint Foot Cream ($60.00)
6 / Devil Daddy Pin ($12.00)

Get the dominant in your life something fun and new to use in a scene (and then some pampering items too; aftercare is for everybody)! Oddo Leather is QUALITY, and the PVC Faux Leather cuffs add a sexy bit of color and shine to the bedroom. The Buck Dich Paddle is the perfect toy to build up a scene: the paddle creates is a strong sensation while the curved dildo is great for g-spot penetration. My all-time favorite flogger in the world is the Bare Leatherworks Rubber Flogger: it’s intense, it’s stingy, and the short handle makes it nice and easy to use. Finish the scene with a little feet pampering and you all just had a *chef’s kiss* evening.

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