Boobs On Your Tube: Gabrielle Finally Comes Out on “BH90210”

It was a slow TV week for us here at Autostraddle dot com, but we’ve got your Fall TV Preview coming at you early next week as we gear up for September’s television main events! Carmen Rios did guest star on To L and Back this week, so that’s one special treat!

Notes from the TV Team:

+ The new season of Mayans M.C. premiered this week and though Santo Padre’s lesbian mayor, Antonia Pena, wasn’t featured in the second season debut, she does turn up next week…and her storyline hints at a bigger role for her on Mayans this season. — Natalie

+ Y’ALL I STARTED MINDHUNTER AND CAN’T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT ANNA TORV FOR YOUUUUU — Valerie Anne 

+ As I mentioned, there are some EH Con panels going up on YouTube you should check out. Like the WayHaught/Jetri Newlywed Game, the POC panel, the Writers Panel…heck, just check them all out. — Valerie Anne


Why Women Kill 104: “You Had Me At Homicide”

Written by Natalie

I am a little scared by this but also, slightly turned on.

This week’s Why Women Kill picks up soon after the last: Eli, Taylor and Jade are trying to find the perfect way to introduce Jade to others, when Jade’s ex-boyfriend, Duke, pulls into the driveway. Eli steps outside to talk to Duke, man-to-man, but, as is his wont, Eli bungles it and Taylor has to step in and handle it. She threatens to call the cops and reminds him that if he were found committing assault, it’d be his third strike, and he’d have to spend the rest of his life in prison. Duke backs down and Taylor returns the conquering hero while Eli nurses his bruised elbow and ego.

Later, Duke threatens to kill the dog he shared with Jade — like some modern-day Jenny Schecter or something — unless she comes to talk to him. The throuple heads to Duke’s apartment to confront him: armed with a hammer, Eli’s ready for a physical altercation, while Taylor’s prepared to write the perpetually broke felon a check for the dog. But when Duke doesn’t answer the door — he’s in the shower, it turns out — Taylor’s ready to just leave a note, much to Jade’s disappointment. Ready to be the hero this time, Eli uses his hammer to break into the house, save Tinkerbell and escape to the waiting car. They narrowly escape Duke’s grasp but his death threats echo down the street as they peel off.

When they return home, Eli is predictably smug about his success. He doesn’t stop for a single second to consider the implications of involving his lawyer wife in a crime because: 1. it made Jade happy and 2. it finally gives the win that’s eluded him for the last two years. Somehow, Taylor is persuaded by this argument, and acquiesces to Eli’s man-baby tears. But before they can truly celebrate Eli having put his wife’s livelihood — the job that’s paying the bills and putting food on the table — at risk for the sake of his ego, Duke storms in looking for Jade.

Eli tries to confront him, again, but Duke tosses him against the wall. Taylor launches herself onto Duke’s back — personally, I would’ve just stood there, watching Eli get his ass kicked like he said he wanted — but he flings her off and drops her to the floor. Duke rushes up the stairs, yelling for Jade, and when his back is turned, she emerges and strikes him with the hammer. The hit sends Duke over the banister, crashing onto a table in the foyer. Jade stalks down the stairs, still clutching the hammer, and surveys the damage.

“You broke my leg, you crazy bitch,” Duke cries.

Towering over him, Jade responds, “Fuck with my family again and I’ll break the other one.”

Both Taylor and Eli are aghast as they get their unanticipated answer to the question they never really thought to ask: Who did they invite to live in their home?


BN90210 104: “Picture’s Up”

Written by Carmen

UGH if they expect me to care about this ongoing arson plot, there better be whiskey in this coffee cup.

In case you missed it, last week Gabrielle and hot producer Christine had The Sex.TM And ever since they had The Sex,TM everything has gotten weird between them. Christine swears that it’s nothing Gabrielle did personally. It’s just that since the 90210 set was burned to the ground thanks to a stalker-arsonist (this show, amirite!), HR has been extra careful about relationships between cast and crew. Which means that if Christine and Gabrielle want to have The SexTM again – and they do! To quote hottie Christine, “I’m more a player than a stayer, but I like you… A LOT.” – then they have to sign a workplace sexual consent contract. The problem? Gabrielle hasn’t exactly come out yet, so this contract is a actually pretty big deal.

(Before we go any further, I have to say, I found Gabrielle’s surprise and incredulity about signing a consent form at the workplace hard to swallow! She’s the head of the actor’s union for crying out loud! She should be the first one to understand the importance of contracts like this in protecting workers’ rights. Anyway, moving on…)

After having a few days to weigh back and forth about it, Gabrielle decides that Christine is worth confronting her fears. When the entire cast is gathered around the food table between scenes, someone else complains about the so-called “love contracts.” Gabrielle clears her throat and admits that she had to sign one, too. Immediately Jennie perks up! “Who is He?” she squeals in her most annoying teenage gossipy voice. To be fair to Jennie, it is exciting – I’ve gotten the impression that Gabrielle doesn’t often open up about her personal life.

Gabrielle shakes back her nerves and stands her ground, the person she’s seeing isn’t a “He.” “You’re gay,” Shannen Doherty deadpans unimpressed without looking up from her phone. Soon it’s a chorus among all the cast members, “She’s gay!” “She just said she’s gay?!?”

Amused and a little overwhelmed, Gabrielle stops her chosen family of nearly 30 years before they can go too far – “ As of now, I’m coming out as undeclared.”

“I think that’s really brave,” nods Brian. And you know what? I think so, too.

I can’t believe that the finale is already next week! How can a story this delightful also be this short? This is the cruelty of the Television Gods, for sure.


Bachelor in Paradise 609 & 610

Written by Meg Jones Wall

Since Demi and Kristian made things official, this show has become increasingly tedious. Once again, this week featured terrible men and the women that tolerate them, with overblown arguments and half-assed apologies. In a twist that shocked absolutely no one, several singles from last week’s wedding joined the cast, stressing out existing couples and making a few people realize they should probably just go home. A guy that lives in a van shaved off his mustache to ask his ex-girlfriend to come home with him, a bunch of men were deeply terrible to the women they supposedly love, and Mike, one of the few halfway decent people on the beach, went home alone.

Kristian and Demi made a few appearances, offering commentary and being supportive of the long-suffering women on the show. Demi happily shares that a week after she met Kristian, they jumped into a hot tub late at night and “just started making out.” And Kristian gets to give Demi her rose this week, saying that she feels like “the luckiest girl in the world to be able to share all of this with [Demi].” We get a few more kisses and mutual professions of love, and it’s all very sweet.

Next week brings fantasy suites, meaning that with the finale looming, most of these couples will break up dramatically, citing real-world incompatibility and lukewarm connections. And while Demi and Kristian have looked pretty content during their time in Paradise, next week’s teaser shows Demi expressing her discomfort with kissing Kristian on-camera, and shows Demi crying, “I really just don’t want to lose you.” Since the original preview showed these two in the fantasy suite and has teased at an engagement, I’m hoping for a happy ending that makes watching all of these heterosexual shenanigans worth it.

The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, Drew Gregory, and Heather Hogan. Follow them on Twitter!

The TV has written 94 articles for us.

12 Comments

  1. I’m having real bait-and-switch feelings about the news coming out of “Legacies”.
    – Penelope was sent into the void, and doesn’t appear to be coming back.
    – It looks like Josie will be dating Landon.
    – Lizzie will have a couple of male love interests.
    – Hope will have a brother/sister team flirting with her, but I suspect that that’s about as far as it will go between them.
    – And I’m not seeing anything on the mlm side.

    Looking back at season one, I feel like most of Penelope and Josie’s relationship was just dancing around each other, and wasn’t treated as seriously as the straight relationships. It just makes me think that Julie Plec used that to get us in the door, and now she can jettison it.

    • Damn, that sounds like a terrible season.
      Josie and Landon sounds like a nightmare I didn’t even know I had^^
      I just want a lot more queer women and queer women in love with other queer women than I got from TVD or TO.
      I thought Season 1 was a good start – but just that, a start- and I know that Josie is bi/pan, but I would still love to see a full realtionship with another woman before we are again “treated” to her with a man.
      I also predict they will never touch upon Josie’s crush on Hope or Hope being anything but straight ever again, so I can only be pleasently surprised by what’s to come.

  2. I found my wife watching the pilot of Mindhunters couple of weeks ago and sat down to watch with her (not telling her that I had already seen every episode of the first season–she would hate that). Yesterday while watching episode 4 or 5, I casually asked, “Have we learned anything about her personal life? Cuz I think she’s queer.” She’s gonna think I’m a genius when we get to the big reveal.

  3. i could not have cared less about the new 90210 until i read Carmen’s first 2 reviews. i don’t entirely understand how the meta-premise makes it so engaging, but it’s the show i currently look most forward to.
    thanks, Carmen!

  4. I laughed for a good 25 minutes at the start of this episode just because for nostalgia sake of them bringing Jamie Walters back into the fold and Shannen not knowing who he was etc. etc.

    The Gabrielle storyline took a sharp nosedive this week in my opinion. She has been married for 30 years and none of her cast mates batted an eye when she said she had to sign the contract because she slept with someone else? Also very true that she wasn’t supportive of signing as she is the fake SAG president.

    They better renew this show for more.

  5. I pretty much started watching the BH90210 reboot because of this column, and I’ve really been enjoying it. I have to catch up on a couple episodes, but I’m glad Brenda Walsh is back in my life.

  6. It is so infuriating and annoying when people (men and women…don’t know if non-binary people do the same) on tv and in real life say they want a strong, powerful woman, actively pursue that type of woman then get mad at them when they are all of those things. Unless she’s being a bitch to you, put on your grown-up undergarments and enjoy her. I’m looking at you Eli and some of the women I’ve dated in the past.

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