FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: I’m Turning Into My Mom!

Hello mini chocolate croissants!! It’s August, it’s hot, and I’ve had four (4) La Croix today (I also found 2 unfinished La Croix but that is another story)!!

To celebrate moving to Austin almost exactly one year ago, I moved again! I’m still in Austin, but 30 minutes closer to my school and now I’ve got a townhouse! It’s cute and has fake hardwood floors and an adorable red door that I can’t wait to decorate for Christmas. My cats… were not happy about moving. Anya and Alexei were just super nervous and kinda sad and wanted to stay close to me. But Buffy, like her namesake, doesn’t know how to be sad and scared, just pissed. She tried to scratch me at least three times, and spent the first 48 hours here hissing at anyone who would come within 10 feet of her without her permission (although she did wake me up in the middle of the night looking for love). But after a nice little dose of kitty Xanax, we’re all content. Everyone’s getting along, and they’re discovering the joy of stairs. At midnight.

daytime cutie. nighttime monster.

I also started a 1000-piece puzzle this week and got so frustrated 10 minutes into it that I wasn’t at least halfway done that I had to put it away for a day. If this isn’t the definition of being a formerly gifted child, I don’t know what is. In addition to doing puzzles, I also now spend approximately 42 hours a day watching HGTV, and have called my apartment’s manager at least twice a day; Suburban “Can I Speak To Your Manager?” Mom, here I come. My fate is settled, and honestly… I’m fine with it. I mean, my mom is adorable.

Are you turning into your mom this week? Did you also have to give your cat some Xanax in order to have a happy home? Did you see that full moon in Aquarius??? She was so beautiful. What else is going on in your life friends? I hope ya’ll are drinking water/washing your face/waking up slowly and calmly every morning. Even if you aren’t, I can’t wait to talk to you about it!!

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Ari

Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.

147 Comments

  1. My mom is amazing and I’ve been trying to be her for awhile now.

    I’m waiting for a client to call for a conference call. I think I’m only ever on Friday’s Open Thread when I’m waiting in a meeting. Sorry, that’s kinda boring.

    Today is our intern’s last day! She is a perfect muffin, and we’re taking her to lunch as soon as we’re done with the call.

    I’m excited about all the work stuff I have this weekend (I work in a restaurant and we’re doing new menus) and also it’s Friday, so there’s new Wynonna Earp to look forward to!

  2. Alas, I do not have a cat to give Xanax to… perhaps one day!

    This week I found somewhere to live for my study abroad placement! I’m flying out to Madrid in two weeks and although I have to spend a week in a hostel (and a night on my friend’s floor!) it’s looking like this place will be worth it. I’ll be there until Christmas and I get to study a bunch of cool stuff like Philosophy and Psychology and Religion and Film and Translation – in the UK you specialise and only study one subject at uni, not loads of stuff like in the US, so I’m very excited to have such a variety of classes this semester (my actual degree is French and Spanish).

    So now my challenge is finding people that I can be friends with once I get there! There doesn’t seem to be a Madrid-specific (or even a Spain-specific) AS group on here or on Facebook, so if there’s anyone who fancies befriending a queer exchange student and showing her around Madrid, hmu :p

    • omggg that sounds amazing have so much fun and please go visit Oviedo and tell me if it’s as beautiful as it is in Vicky Cristina Barcelona

      • I’m not sure I’ll make it to Oviedo, it’s quite a long way from Madrid, but I’ll try! I’ve never seen Vicky Cristina Barcelona but I’ll check it out :)

      • My actual degree is in French and Spanish, so I’ve done translation into and out of both, but when I’m in Spain I’ll be doing legal translation, institutional translation, and computer-assisted translation all English-Spanish :O

      • I used to work full-time as a Japanese-English translator. Now days I do it on the side, but still fun! I work mostly with agricultural or cosmetic translations.

  3. It’s entirely possible that I’m turning into my Mom, yes it is. In fact, my next door neighbor has commented a couple of times that, as I’ve grown my hair out and worn more lady-type clothing (i.e., as I’ve transitioned), she keeps thinking that she’s seen my Mom when in fact she’s seen me.

    And the funny thing is, if you’d told me four or five years ago that people would be telling me that, I’d have grimaced and shuddered. Today, I think it’s kind of sweet.

    Kid and I spent last week visiting my parents back in my home town, and it was glorious! For one thing, I like the weather and the air there better (dry Utah vs. humid Kentucky). For another thing, it was my first full week off of work, and I took full advantage of the relaxation possibilities. But it was also really, really nice to hang out with my folks — we’ve really come to a good place about my transness and my transition, and could just have good conversation and share nice memories and good food with each other. My Kid also had a pretty good time. He and I quietly agreed that, in the event that my current job disappears (as it may soon do — nobody knows!), we’d both be OK with my finding work back in Utah.

    But then we came back here, and had dinner with my bestie last night, and I realized that I’d also really like it if we could stay here, where most of my support structure is.

    In either case, just for today, I’m doing just fine, thanks. I hope you are too, because your hair looks fabulous today. Something about it really brings out your eye color, you know?

    • I think the coolest part of getting older is that you don’t think it’s awful to turn into your mom and it’s so sweet that you’re getting mistaken for her!! and you’re maybe moving closer!! ?? the (queer) american dream, truly.

  4. I think we could all use a little kitty xanax this week!

    My mom is a force of nature and I hope I turn into her someday!

  5. Poor fur babies :( One of our cats, Dexter, is our anxious baby and the other, Sora, is our not-so anxious baby. When we go away for longer than a weekend, we usually leave the cats with my in-laws. Dexter hides behind the radiator in the basement and hisses for the first 48 hours. Sora is the picture-perfect adventurer and adjusts to new places really well (cuddles up to my father-in-law, harasses the family dog, runs up and down the stairs exploring bedrooms). When they get home, Dexter continues to hiss at everything including the sofa, bookshelf, and Sora for the first 48 hours at home and Sora fixes him with a “What did I do to you?” (i.e., ears pulled back and eyes completely dilated) look every time. Cats are goofy.

    As for life, well, it’s been good :) Working hard, but relaxing hard, too! Another home-body weekend for us and I’m so looking forward to it. Last weekend was also a stay-at-home weekend and it was perfect; we didn’t leave the apartment once, played through Dream Daddy, and ate food that required no effort (i.e., microwavable or candy). This weekend the plan is to see Atomic Blonde and try our hand at making barbacoa in the slow cooker.

    I think over time I’ve become even less like my mom. I am more like my dad in looks and personality (for example, long torso, thunder thighs, homebody, intent listener, deadpan humor). I think the only things I inherited from my mom are my awful eyesight, my general distrust of people, and
    a strong sense of independence and shamelessness. I have a complicated relationship with my mom, but I still think she’s the most powerful and admirable woman I know.

    • ugh i hate when it takes a while for cats to adjust it really is like the most sad thing ever. My Buffy is just like your Dexter and it breaks my little heart. also YESSSS to Dream Daddy and Atomic Blonde AND barbacoa! you are doing the weekends very very well.

  6. Am I turning into my mom? Hm, that’s a loaded question. My mom is rather excellent at everything; work, life, and home. I guess you could say I am trying to be like her not turn into her. I’d still like to have my queerness and general individuality. Currently, I am dealing with a six hour final, paper, full time job overnights, and general adulting crap. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I am looking forward to tonight’s WE episode and it being Friday. This weekend in my town however there will be a rally of sorts which I am NOT looking forward to…lots of protestors and unnecessary negativity. Anyway, happy Friday!

    • good luck on that final and paper!! i belieeeeeve! reward yourself with something amazing like a cupcake maybe? could be great. imagine.

  7. I wish I had known about Xanax to help calm cats! I got my cat almost 2 years ago, so she lived with me and my parents for about 5 months before I moved to my house. My cat was a totally cool, brave cat and moving turned her into a nervous wreck. I felt horrible about it for ages. She’s fine now, but still hides when people (other than my parents) come over or a loud truck drives by.

    As for turning into my mom, I hope I don’t! She’s a fantastic person, but she’s even more anti-social/social anxiety-ridden than I am and that seemed to get worse the older she got. So in that sense I really hope my anti-social tendencies don’t get any more extreme than they are now. But as far as being a smart, capable woman who understands things like IRAs and Medicare and goes on big rants about what an asshat the president is, then sign me up!

    • yeah, buffy was super super sweet and curious when she was born (at my house! on mother’s day!! i still cry thinking about it) and when she was a kitten, and 3 moves have turned her into someone who HATES change. poor thing. i really think it’s bc she’s so small, and i think she’d LOVE a thundershirt if she would let me put clothes on her ever in her whole life.

      also Moms are so good for stuff like IRAs and healthcare. i do not know what i would do without my mom for that stuff.

      • That is so sweet! Your furbaby was born on Mother’s Day!!

        None of the cats I had when I was a kid had a problem with moving. Maybe it’s because my cat was taken from a breeder and placed with a family who then took her to a shelter. Or she was taken from a breeder straight into kitten foster care (I’m kind of unclear about her origins). She had a lot of changes before she was 1. I wish I could put clothes on my cat. A thundershirt would probably help immensely.

  10. I didn’t have to give Miss Kitty Fantastico any Xanax, but I did learn that she makes crazy possessed-by-demons sounds and walks on her hind legs when there’s ripe Camembert around (she’s French so it’s not as posh an addiction as it might sound).

    Otherwise this week, I had a birthday, hiked 14 kilometres (9-ish miles) along the coast, had a bout of suicidal PMS (first in a good while), and lost my electricity, Internet connection and water, for three unrelated reasons, on different days. When the water came back on, the pressure shook something loose and lodged it in our plumbing, so we had to take our pipes apart and figure out why we had no water pressure. The upside here is that we live super-rurally and have the mayor’s husband on speed dial because sometimes his cows get loose and hang out in our yard, so when we don’t have water there’s a whole bunch of people working on it straight away, no matter the day or time. One morning our car mechanic was at the door with a plumber all “So, I hear you have no water…” and I’m still not sure how he’s involved, because he’s not on the council and the village on-call handyman had already come by.

    • happy belated! you and your french cheese loving cat make me so happy!! also: calling the mayor’s husband because sometimes his cows get loose sounds…so sweet and precious!

      • Bless you. ?

        It’s a sweet and precious life. When I lived in a town my day would get derailed by trying to get lost dogs back to their owners. Now I chase runaway calves on my jogs. Though I’m getting better at the whole “Was that a loose billy goat in the ditch? Eh, he knows about traffic and where he lives…”

  11. Have you thought about having a LaCroix and puzzle night with friends? Could be a way to get things done. I understand that minivans are practical, but they are also the automotive equivalent of a plain bagel. It’s great for some, but not for. If I need the size and space, give me an SUV, at least there are model that can let me go mudding and models that aren’t boring on a curve. As for turning into my mother, that would be great because kids(mostly all girls) in school would tell me my mother is pretty. So I’d look more like my mother but with blue eyes, maybe at least then I can find someone who isn’t messing with me.

    Speaking of messing with me, I was suppose to meet up a person I had a good time with last Saturday, but she didn’t answer her texts until the next day. She suggested we meet up Saturday(in person). Total fuck boi move, though maybe im over thinking it and I fucked up somehow(I did the fatal flaw of saying I live at home). I’m over her, and with the help of a new friend I technically unfriended her on FB, and may delete her # again.

    On the plus side, Sunday morning I went to the queer coffee shop again for their coffee and donuts event. I had two different vegan+gf donuts, green tea, and talked to some delightful & cool queers. Plus, Brittani Nichols was at the event; I was too nervous to say hi to her(I kind of fan-girled out), because she is just soo cool! I spent the rest of the day at the beach with a relative and acquaintances. It was kind of nice being visibly Middle Eastern at the beach(mostly because the other people look more middle eastern than I do).

    Relaxing by the coast.

    I’ve also posted more graffiti around town.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • la croix and puzzle night sounds like everything overworked grad students could want. Al, i’m gonna steal this idea from you thank you. also, i love defining a minivan as “the automotive equivalent of a plain bagel” what does it say about me that plain bagels are my favorite?? but i think if/when i decide to learn how to drive and get a car it’ll be a volvo station wagon or a subaru because i need people to know i’m from new england.

      also i always love your pictures keep ’em coming forever!!

      • I was hoping you’d like the idea and take it, cause it be fun. As I said nothing wrong with plain bagel, in fact they can be turned into something spicy with the some extra cash that is(saw video once of a minivan that could seat 7 and drag race). I’d second the notion of a wagon as they are fun(even more so with the Volvo V60 Polestar, & Subaru Forester STi), attractive, and and practical; however, I associate Subaru and Volvo wagons with the PNW than New England. Come to think of it, I may suggest a Volvo V60(base) to my parents as their next car. Hmmm

        • well, as someone new england born and bred who can’t wait to move back, i do want a car that lets people know where i’m from :)

          • I’ll have to ask my buddy he now lives in the Boston area, but I always think lgbtq couple from the PNW with those two wagons. With MB, Audi, and BMW wagons I associate those more with New England.

  12. i had a mom moment when i rolled down my windows while driving in my neighborhood so i could yell “HELMETS!!!!” at the children riding their bikes around, so.

  13. Like your kitties I am just super nervous and kinda sad about moving. I’m leaving town tomorrow; packed up my car this morning before it got too hot, and pack the large things tomorrow in the van my parents are driving down with. So glad they could help me with the last stuff. I’ve done all the packing and moving myself and just with my car but some things just don’t and won’t ever fit. I’m actually like really sad about moving right now. I love where I am, my roommate, and my friends here, its so hard to say goodbye and leave something that is just going SO well. But I am hoping it will be a good thing overall, and I’ll love grad school and meet new cool people while staying in touch with my friends here. I can not wait to have my bookshelves put together and organized and my kitchen set up and art on the walls. I just want to unpack already!!!

    • omg but do you remember last year when you were so nervous about applications to grad school and now you’re GOING!!! think about how cool of a journey it’s been jay! don’t forget to submit perfect adorable pictures of you and your bookshelves to the queer in the stacks gallery!!

      • TRUE! Yes so many feelings leading up to this! that is actually a really great reminder for why I’m doing all this and what I have to look forward to!!! So true, such a journey, and so much more journey to come.
        I am sooo excited about the gallery! Absolutely submitting!

  14. Living my best life with Kesha’s new album. I will talk about nothing else for the next 72 hours.

  15. hello bbs!

    I wrote a thing!

    http://www.seattlefeministtherapy.com/2017/08/11/people-not-adulting/

    I’ve had such a busy few weeks- I went backpacking for the first time! I went to see my sweet friends in Sacramento and their kid (18 mos now) was legit like YES. YOU ARE AN ADULT I LIKE. COME HERE, ADULT I LIKE.

    Tiny children and animals will not fake liking you, so it feels v special when they pick you. Also when they are the children of very close friends.

    I don’t feel very much like my mom lately, my mom is hella funny and loud and sometimes kinda intrusive and boundary-less, and these days I have been very like “I’m reading and not responding to text messages, I went for a walk in the woods and didn’t tell anybody on social media about it” for whatever reason.

    I like my mom generally, and there are things like my fucked up feet (bunions are such a hassle) and propensity to talk too much when I’m nervous and never follow a recipe exactly when I cook (or use a recipe at all- though I’m making larb gai this weekend and will use one for that!) but she is a very exterior person and I’ve been in some very interior patterns the last 6 months or so.

    My week was okay, just like BUSY and girlfriend has been on a million deadlines at work and house has been super messy, and we’re kinda treading water right now until hopefully things slow down next week. Ugh. Some of the over-scheduling I do to myself, but some of it has just been the result of not being home the last couple weekends to do house-y stuff.

    But our friend is visiting from Oakland, and I bought the stuff to grill peaches and corn and make other tasty things, and people live with messy houses all the time, and it will be fine. Part of the trouble is we’re having a kid in a couple of months, which means we need to make space, which means we are shuffling all of our clothes and furniture and god knows what else between the 900 square feet of our house trying to jigsaw together a living situation that doesn’t feel so disarrayed as the moment we’re living in.

    But the smoke over Seattle is blowing away, and I bought fancy tomatoes at the co-op yesterday, and I will soak up any good vibes I can get this weekend. Hope yall have a nice time. xoxoxo.

    • Hey I liked your article! As a cook who got good grades in high school, people assume my life is just one booze-fueled bender after another haha. Today I’m going to try to be proud of all the internal work and maintaining of boundaries I’ve done. Thanks :)

  16. Congrats on the move! I hope your new space is filled with many happy times and that your kitties all get used to things quickly :)
    I am *not*ever* turning into my mother. I decided that at 12, for many reasons. But I am turning into my dad which is okay but also hilarious and tragic (I am okay with being a cranky 50 something who swears at other cars and makes bad dad jokes, I’m mostly there already anyway!). Today has been a work nightmare buuuut I went to the gym for lunch and lifted my frustration away yaaaay. Now I’m drinking an awful protein shake and am tempted to dump it out and start again with water instead of almond milk because it is really really gross and my commitment to this is lacking so hard >.<

    • let me know if you find a protein shake you like because i typically find all of them awful but also have to stop not eating breakfast

      • I don’t know if they’re sold in the US but I started drinking Jimmy Joy’s Plenny shakes 6 breakfasts per week, 2-3 weeks ago and the vegan versions are pretty good! I switch out some of the water for juice or purée on some flavours (strawberry is pretty plain, but with a bit of strawberry purée… yum!)

        • I will have to look into this! I’m in Canada and a lot of things are not available here either haha

  17. I think I turned into my mother years ago. I am visiting her at the moment and yesterday she watched a video of a protest I was involved in at Pride and said ‘you are everything your father hates. I love it.’ So…

    This week has been me sequestering myself at her house so I can try and finish my masters degree but I am finding it very hard to focus. But this morning a hare hopped around the yard for ten minutes while I watched so I’m taking that as a Good Omen.

  18. Hi everyone!
    I hope you had an good or even okay week. I’d say mine was in the okayish range. My new job at T-mobile is good but until I do training at the end of September I can’t make commission! only $7.25 for me so money is going to be pretty tight for the month.

    Just made some awesome cauliflower rice, recipe curtsey of my mother. I’m a lot like my mom in many ways and I’m beginning to come to terms with that. Being a gayer version of my mom I think balances out pretty well.

    Anyway heres some basic rice, a perfect foundation to get creative with on your own! I like to add curry powder, turmeric, a bit of cumin and ginger sometimes. Curry rice is very nice.

    1 head cauliflower

    2-3 cloves garlic (were a garlic family)

    2 tbps Evoo

    Salt to taste

    Pulse in a food processor or in batches in a blender.
    Put pulsed rice in a pan and heat until desired texture.

  19. With all of the misogyny in “Supergirl”, I wish to say that I’ve grown a new appreciation of MTV’s “Scream”. During it’s 2.1 season run (I’m not counting this new reboot season), the writers decided that the primary relationship on the show would be Emma & Audrey. At no point did I feel that either of these characters were defined by a man/relationship (“Once Upon a Time”), nor did their relationship need a man to define it (“Faking It”). While both of them had men in their lives, Emma’s boyfriends and Audrey’s BroTP, these relationships only informed what the characters did, instead of being who the characters were.

  20. My cat is currently pissed at me because I finally got rid of the twin sized memory foam mattress that had been living under my bed for the past 3 years and she had decided along the way that it was actually her bed. It really hurt my heart to do this terrible thing to her, but really, she does not need a twin sized cat bed and I need to store stuff under there. I bought her an actual cat bed (A big one! A fluffy one! I would sleep in this cat bed!) and she is all “wtf is this you stupid human give me my giant bed back no I will not cuddle you when we sleep.” Cats, amirite?

    I also bought her a really nice porcelain fountain water bowl thing that has totally crapped out on me after like a month. I took apart the motor and everything and it’s fine just something about the filter is fucking it up? I don’t know. I might actually call the company and complain which is a total mom move.

    Speaking of mom moves, I knew I was turning into my mother my first year of teaching when one of my students asked why I made them do homework and I said “because I’m the meanest teacher in the world” thus echoing my mother’s standard line “because I’m the meanest mother in the world” whenever we asked why we couldn’t stay up until 1am or some shit. I also have said “because I said so” like,more than once. So. I guess it’s inevitable. I’ve been told I’m a visual clone of my mom literally since I was born. The older I get, the more I realize I am much more like my father in temperament, but I’ll always look like her. I try to hold on to the things I liked about her as a kid now that she’s turned into the literal worst and I can’t talk to her anymore.

    In other news I finally started watching Buffy for the first time ever, which is ridiculous because I’m 500% Buffy’s target audience I just never got around to it and ok y’all were right its basically the best thing ever. I just started S4 — no spoilers!! I’m also listening to Buffering the Vampire Slayer and 11/10 would recommend.

    • ooh, my cat’s water filter motor thing wonked out and i discovered it was actually just a fish aquarium motor? maybe yours is also?? it was like a $7 repair via amazon.

      also L O Ling forever at “because i’m the meanest teacher in the world”

      also YAY buffy!!!!!!! it took me forever to get into it and then i finished the series in like a month, so you know, you catch up.

    • I got rid of this big ass chair my aunt gave me because I felt like it was choking me when I looked at it. She is a shopaholic and gives me, my grandma and Mom stuff everytime she buys something new which, is often. My dog named the chair as his own the three weeks I had it and once I got rid of it my Mom said she came home and found him in the middle of my room, back turned away from the door, staring at where the chair used to be. Apparently he was pissed. The sad thing is it sounds like my dog would do something like that

  21. OH MY GOD I FINALLY HAVE TIME TO PARTICIPATE IN THE OPEN THREAD

    I’ve accepted that I am like a weird combo of both of my parents. Somehow I ended up with my dad’s ADHD and my mom’s dyslexia instead of my dad’s ability to ace the GRE with zero prep and my mom’s aptitude for neurobiology.

    Honestly, I aspire to be my mom. She remains the most hardcore person I have ever met, she has always seemed organized, and she always knew things (and most of them were right). It’s also a bit weird (maybe I’ll write about it in detail one day) being part of a family where everyone goes to therapy or has been in therapy, sometimes all of us in the same session. Therapy has been a huge part of our lives and makes us function better as a family. I also think it makes me harder to relate to other people’s parent situations and makes me bad at giving any sort of advice. (Although I think now my mom maybes does a few things that would be consider maladaptive parenting.)

    I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents recently now that it’s been a little over a year since me and my spouse were married. They’re 13 years older than me and this has been a hard year. I did realize something this week. So, I met my spouse when they were 36-ish and I was 23. They joked at the time that they must look like they’re having a midlife crisis because they quit their job, bought a sportscar, and have a much younger girlfriend. Except…they actually were having a midlife crisis. I found out later than this was actually a very low point in their life. They decided to not worry about tomorrow. Then they met me and decided that tomorrow mattered.

    My parents are roughly the same age difference and even met at roughly the same age. My mom was 23 when she met my dad, 35, and rushed into things but have managed to make it work for the past 30-odd years. She says some of the same things happened. My dad at one point had a crisis, he didn’t know what to do, and he was very insistent on not getting any help because he wanted to do it himself.

    I think my spouse is having their midlife crisis now because they couldn’t have one when we met. Which maybe is a good thing. They want to do something new with their career (I do too, which is why I’m taking classes while I work). The hard part is finding what to do.

    For the record, my dad eventually figured himself out. The story goes that he woke up one day and said to my mom, “I think I’ll go for a master’s in computer science” (this was the 80s when that would have been cutting edge).
    “Oh, okay. You should take the GRE,” she said.
    “Oh. Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
    “Um. Don’t you want to study for it?”
    “Why the hell would I do that?”

    Perfect score, got into the Comp. Sci. department at UNC-CH, and graduated with his master’s at the age of 42.

    Some things just take a while.

      • Aww, thank you <3 My spouse is also an odd mix of my parents, albeit a totally different. My mom ends up being a good source of advice in terms of "we went through this and you can too, but here's how you gotta deal with it."

        I think probably the best part now of being older with my parents is that because we worked out stuff together for years, now my mom feels more like my friend/mentor than my mom. She's still my mom and likes to remind me of this fact, but I actually like seeing her and talking to her. At this point, I just hope that I can do that too when I have kids.

  22. I’m sure in many ways I’ve already become my mother…

    I’m feeling pretty productive this Friday. Went in with the goal of applying for a job and so far I’ve applied to two so I’m happy about that. As much as I’ve enjoyed lounging around this summer, it’ll be nice to hopefully start making some money again and actually having disposable income.

    • yo applying for 2 jobs in one day is SUCH an accomplishment! Job applications are a w f u l so go you!!

  23. My mother is a notoriously jumpy person, and has been scared by the mail delivery person “sneaking up” on her more times than anyone can count (probably an anxiety thing). Yesterday I was at a work party, engaging in some small talk (hoo boy, anxiety!) when an unsuspecting, well meaning person making their way past us said, “just behind you, excuse me,” in this soft voice that sounded like it was coming straight out of my own mind. I jumped about a foot and let out a very loud noise kind of like “YEEET.” So now I know that I have a lot more in common with her than I realized! Hopefully I also develop her unbelievable kindness and generosity. :)

  24. My mum moment was coming home late from fireworks on the bus recently, and a young guy had a bunch of blood running down his leg from an injury.
    I found myself opening my handbag, putting fresh water on a clean handkerchief, passing it over to him. Then pulling out a succession of various sized band-aids, and lending my phone to the girl with him so she could call her mom and tell her when they were getting back.

    I didn’t pull individually wrapped mints out for them, but I think it was a close thing ?.

    Also felt extremely pissed off that another young guy next to me was pulling away from the blood looking disgusted instead of offering help or his seat or anything. I may have huffed and muttered about kids these days.

  25. If you did something decent for someone & they turn out to be evil what does that mean about you morally?
    I’d go into more detail but this is actually a national news story now. What I did was get ppl to stop using racial slurs.

    • Well, as a practicing Stoic (other schools and other Stoics may disagree), I would say that virtuous/good people feel compassion and pity even for those who act “evil” (which is simply misguided and lacking in goodness, rather than some intrinsic value or participation in evilness, which is why we should be compassionate or feel pity). Therefore, there is nothing wrong with doing good things for them. Also, your virtue isn’t affected by others’ virtue, although actively helping others to do evil, by not knowing better, is lacking in the virtue of wisdom. Which is pitiable, but human.

      TL;DR: Doing a good thing for a misguided (evil) person is still doing a good thing. Doing bad things is bad.

  26. I am also moving to a cute townhouse, and feeling very called out by the number of kitchen gadgets I’m packing that haven’t seen the light of the counter in months

    I am the exact opposite of turning into my mother though, this week I showed someone elses mom a really awesome bug I found and she asked me what my middle name is so she could scold me properly. I am what they mean when they used to say being gay was like prolonged adolescence.

    • omg i found a 3 tier cookie cooling rack that i DID NOT KNOW i’d bought, as well as two magic bullet cups, but no magic bullet. i am right there with you.

    • I *knew* how much baking/cooking equipment I have but it wasn’t until I was unpacking a kitchen box that wouldn’t fit in my car this morning that it sunk in. Had to shove a rolling pin, waffle maker, various trays and dishes and muffin tins into any available space. Of course that’s the most visible stuff through the windows, so it’s quite obvious I’m a baker!
      I hope your kitchen packing goes well!!!

  28. I was just lamenting this week how much I look like my mother. Considering she was an awful person I don’t want to be anymore like her. :P

  29. I pray that I’m not turning into my mum. That would mean becoming an old school biophobe with plans to set her daughter up with an old school Ghanaian boy when she hits her mid-twenties. I’ll keep you all posted on how that turns out.

    In other news: I have a job interview next week for a job I’m not sure I want (anymore). It could be a great entry route into publishing, but I was actually looking forward to just resting after the end of my internship. I’ve basically been working full time since May, and I had like a week break between finishing my essays and starting my internship and I’m actually kind of burnt out. It’s also that my boss at my internship put in a good word for me at the place I’m interviewing at and I don’t want that to be waste either. I’m not thinking self sabotage or anything, but I won’t be that disappointed if I don’t get the job.

    If only my writing career was going this well…

    • I always feel super spoiled when I have the ability to break and I know others do not. I recently had to deal with sexual harassment and had to quit my job and my mind wasn’t ready to go back to work for a few weeks and I feel super spoiled that I have that option.
      I always remember I can quit a job at anytime (I don’t 100% know if you can do that at a professional workplace job), but it makes life 100% better

    • even if you don’t want the job, it’s always fun to think about interviews as cool networking opps! just think about it like a cool conversation with a cool person, maybe?!

  30. I really hope I don’t become like my mom in this exact moment in time because she’s going through a “if you do everything with positive thinking, it will get better, including incurable diseases” phase. It’s real though talking to her cause I’m not feeling great at the moment, and while she doesn’t think depression can be cured by thinking positive, she definitely expects ppl to be “cured” by going to therapy and then be happy forever… but otherwise we are pretty much the same, so I’m with you on becoming my mom!

    On the non-mom aspect of things, I’m going to see Michelle Branch tonight, and I have my fave Buffy shirt on, which is how I got into her music, so I’m getting A+ on being a total nerd and I’m here for it and super excited about the concert!

  31. Hello fresh picked succulents!

    I MOVE TOMORROW!

    I was getting discouraged at finding a place that I could afford and took dogs, when out of the gray came a perfect little vintage studio/bungalow that takes dogs and includes utilities. I have to get rid of a bunch of furniture, but its perfect and I’m thrilled.

    I bough plants yesterday because that seemed like a new apartment kind of thing do do, I dont know.

  32. Hi, sugary cereals and frothy ocean waves! Happy Friday! Last weekend I went to the beach for two days with my girlfriend and my girlfriend’s papa, and it was glorious :D We swam in the gray green icy Jersey water and searched for seashells (my girlfriend thought it was funny ’cause “they all look they same’ BUT they don’t and each shell and shell fragment is special and unique in its own way so there) and walked the boardwalk and ate soooo much delicious fish (blackened salmon is all I’m gonna say) and people watched and just soaked up the salty sunshine. Then we came back..and the week was…not as glorious. Still so much fibro pain and my head is constantly feeling like it’s gonna explode and I haven’t been up for much more than rotating between bed and the couch and dragging myself to work. But I’m powering through, friends! My cats are so cuddly and right now my girlfriend is strumming her guitar and it makes my heart happy and on Monday I got stitches out of my wrist and the scar is looking great and I have a warm cup of tea and the weekend is here and will be full of cuddles and movies and naps and I just rubbed hot coconut oil into all of my sore joints and life isn’t always the easiest, but it sure is lovely at times. Happy weekend! <3

    • I just came from the beach. I got ONE DAY, but I lived it up to the fullest. I used to live right next to the beach so being removed is hard.
      There is just something about the ocean.

  33. I think my Mom overheard me talking about being gay. When I walked into the house she was really angry with me, then she was perfectly fine in the morning. I put two and two together later, realizing the sound of the door opening and closing was real. Then she made a comment about a guy looking good and side eyed me. Almost like a test. But maybe I am crazy. Some really weird stuff has been happening in my meditation circle. I recently fell in love with Wynona Earp. I am looking into Fiverr so I can work at home and I am establishing a daily mediation practice. Also writing pretty much everyday.

    Does anyone know what I could do to meet other lgbtq people my age in my area? I don’t seem to fit into the crowd well in Charlotte as a lot of the community I have been introduced to likes to party. I’m boring and 100% not a party girl. I’ve forced myself to leave the house more, but I’m can’t seem to find the single gays.
    Also something happened that kind of forced me to come out to someone and I feel really free right now. But still afraid of other people.

    • 1 I’m pretty sure you’re not boring, you just have to find peeps with similar interests. As far as finding people, is there board game groups or book clubs in your area? It might not be your thing, but that’s how non-party person me found peeps!

      I’m glad your feeling free, despite all of the other stuff!

      • You’ve just given me a great idea. I’m thinking maybe I should put together a LGBTQ+ writers group. I have no confidence in myself when it comes to organizing things, but I am desperate! Do you have any tips on organizing these things?

    • are you in charlotte nc??? i will check with my peeps, i know about a bunch of sweet queer folks doing organizing there and they will definitely know of people. what’s your age group? I know lots of folks working in youth orgs (serving like 13-25 age)

      • Oh yea I forgot I know where you live lol. It is an hour or two away from me. I just turned 22. I know some people, but I am trying to branch out more. Most of the people I know are partyers, I’m not. I’m in the Charlotte area yea.

        • I just moved from there last year!! I spent 6 years in greensboro. Also, a friend says to check out Out Youth in Charlotte!

          • Okay I’ll check it out. If you have any other suggestions please spill!
            Hope your having fun in Texas, I can’t wait to move!

  34. Kitten Harkness does not need kitty xanax but we did move in with a friend for the next few weeks (I have thesis, she’s packing up to move) and he’s settled into her house with great excitement and anxiety. This is new! Which is good but scary!

  35. Guuuyyyyssss this week I’m coming to you from Canada! I’m on the same continent as most of you for once!!

    I’m also in real desperate need of a queer fix right now!

    Any Vancouver straddlers lurking today? I want to go out tonight and I need recommendations of where to go! Or drinking buddies!

    Hope y’all had a fab week, plz send me all the gay vibes! I need them!

    • I’m not in Vancouver, but Commercial Drive and Davie Street are the places to be for queer stuff. this guide is a few years old but might still be somewhat relevant? Have fun!

    • I’m not anywhere near Vancouver, but I hope you have fun! Canada has definitely treated me well, and I’m sure it will you too!

    • @vickys1
      Hey!! Reading this Sat morning and hoping you found somewhere fun to go last night. Did you know the Vancouver Queer Film Fest is on right now??? It’s on till the 20th and there’s tons of stuff happening every day! This movie looks fantastic at 2pm today: Signature Move I can guarantee there will be tons of queer ladies there! I’m working today, otherwise I’d be there.
      You can dm me about Vancouver if you like…hope you’re having fun…and thank goodness the smoke is clearing!!!

  36. Some aspects of hers I’ve always had, some of which can be bad in certain situations especially mixed with some of my own special original sauce skills.

    Fantastic bitch stare- when she was a teacher (of middle schoolers) their “secret” name for was Stonewall. But being as my eyes are sharper and “meaner” looking in a sharper face my HBIC stare/resting face makes people think I’m much taller than I actually am in addition to being indomitable. It’s cool and I like it wouldn’t change it.

    Um I chew people out like she does.
    My parents are yellers, I come from a family of people who shout. I joke it’s like Seinfield met Everybody Loves Raymond and yes there is that much shouting.
    My mom’s yelling is like a lashing, both a way that she lashes out when upset and a lashing of you. Unlike my mother I’m good at finding people’s weak spots and fears so when I start chewing someone out whether or not I raise my voice…it can be really ugly. I earned a life long enemy with my tongue at least once, but it’s not like we were ever going to be friendlies anyway.

    Further unlike her I have better hold on my temper most of the time or just don’t feel as entitled to be as angry as her maybe.
    If someone’s not yelling back I lose steam and start to calm down, she doesn’t. If you earned her wrath you have it for the day or even the week because sometimes offenses accumulate with her. Silence and not fighting with her do nothing to cool her off depending on the offense which could be thrown back in your face the next time you upset her. I kinda don’t forget trespasses against me either but it feels closer to caution thing than ammunition.

    I almost feel like I should pay you Alaina, this feels like good therapy or something. I’m not my mother and I don’t have to be. While at the same time she have given me the tools to not take bullshit from anyone, I don’t use those tools to hurt people because they were human and forgot something at the store or didn’t understand what I asked.

    Want a lazy micro wave recipe for something tastes like pie filling?

    The closest I’ve ever come to giving a pet a chill pill is benadryl, but uh next holiday I might consider it because my asshole neighbors from the Northshore really fucking love their fireworks. Almost as much as they love not using their giant ass driveway and parking their oversized vehicles in the street. >_>

    • you AREN’T your mom and you DON’T have to be!! you’re right!!! also neighbors and fireworks piss me off too.

    • Me too :(

      We can wish Cee the best of luck, make offerings to Athena, or ask for the intercession of Saint Isidore of Seville.

  39. Haven’t been dancing this week, mediating sort of to Vespers and Compline recordings

    Found a piece of music on youtube by someone who has been mentioned in two Autostraddle posts

    https://www.autostraddle.com/swords-satan-and-sexuality-queer-nuns-of-the-past-358331/

    https://www.autostraddle.com/ladies-of-note-a-brief-history-of-women-composers-queer-and-otherwise-141391/

    Abbess Hildegard von Bingen

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6qFCYRQKVA

    and I think it’s In Matutinis Laudibus but I could be wrong

    http://www.healingchants.com/hct.antiphonsmatins.html

  40. This week it’s the opposite way ’round with us. I’m an ex student & my mum’s gone back to uni again. Anyway, I love studying but I refuse to go back to uni as I found the referencing side of it so pernickety & pedantic. This week she fell foul of it & it affected her grades. She gets now why I won’t come back.

      • Yeah, she’s leaving with a diploma this year rather than an MA.
        She’s an inspiration to me. She already had a post-grad diploma & a degree. She went to horrible schools (5-16) in terms of discipline, teaching & respect for who we’d realise now are disabled kids & she’s deaf. She was only diagnosed with dyslexia at the start of this course. I think it’s a female thing that she was forever saying she was an idiot before that rather than a bad speller/slow reader, she’s a bad speller/slow reader but really smart.
        Anyway yeah I’m gushing over my own mum but she’s been through & achieved so much & I hate her having to have bad grades due to pedantry rather than lack of effort or understanding.

  41. I am late to the thread but I am not turning into my mom (thank god). I am kinda turning into her mom though, with my preference of dessert stuff to dinner and knitting and not having good recall of specific words or names and I’m totally okay with this. I’m also kinda turning into my dad? Like a grandma-dad mix because I like making stuff and fixing stuff and animals and getting dirty (all of which are things that my grandma Did Not Like At All but are Dad Things). And like honestly, a dad/grandma combo is basically who I am.

    Also in news! We have plumbing that works! It’s only a temporary fix because the whole line needs replacing (thanks shoddy 50/60s craftsmanship) but there is a temporary line that runs up to the sewer so we can flush the toilets! And wash hands! And also like clothes and dishes and showers, but I’m mostly excited about the toilet situation (esp bc I’ve been having some bad GI days and having a toilet to vomit into is way better than the alternatives because then you need to do things to clean up the vomit in some way but without running water).

    In other positive news, I have a deposit down on a pup that is not yet in existence but will be coming into existence in late fall or over the winter and I am SO DANG EXCITED and am commencing to do even more reading about training dogs and socialization and all that jazz because I wanna be a good handler and also just hope that this pupper will be able to become my service dog because my body is a goddamn mess and I could really use some help but also don’t want to put too much pressure on this future pup either.

    In negative news, I have poison ivy all over my ass. Last weekend my friend had a swim and her boat was pinned in the middle of the rapid, and ropework to get it off the pin and back to shore required some sitting in the poison ivy. I figured I might get a moderate case of it on my legs below where my board shorts were bc like, direct exposure right? My board shorts will keep my ass safe, right? NO I WAS WRONG. SO WRONG. I’m debating going to urgent care or not because it’s not like an awful case, but it’s enough that it’s affecting my sleep the past couple nights and that’s no fun (partly from itching and benadryl does nothing to help with that or knock me out, but mostly just from having boils/hives and putting pressure on them just isn’t comfortable).

    • Hollis, this is gonna sound so strange, but buy like 10-15 gallons of milk, pour them in the tub and have a nice soak. The milk should act to help break down the proteins that are making you so irritated.

  42. Good morning all you Sunshines!
    (Yes, it can be morning at 9pm if I want it to be!)

    I’m trying oh so hard to stay positive and keep smiling. I got my 3rd write-up at work for not meeting their metric scores. I’m trying my best, but I have some really bad anxiety caused by a lot harassment issues in the workplace, so working with HR on how to take some small steps forward. I’d go find another job, but I’m absolutely terrified of losing my healthcare and HRT drugs, and doubtful anyone else here would hire a trans woman.

    Lots of dysphoria and body issues have been popping up lately. Maybe that’s part of getting closer to your 1 year? I’m doing whatever I can to stay mentally healthy, because I know from experience that this is my highest priority. So nightly bubble baths, kombucha, meditation are a must. I’m listening to empowering music in the morning to try to move past the shaking, and get myself to the gym. Once I can do that, my day seems to go well :)

    I’m a bit disappointed the commercial fell through, but some friends and I are thinking about shooting our own version anyway. I don’t see any reason why not, and it could be lots of fun ^__^

    My birthday lands on the eclipse this year! And I’ll be one year old! (or 31?) I feel like a blessed little fire nation baby! Family has invited me for grand celebration, but I’ve been pushing them a lot lately. I’m not sure why. I guess I just get tired of them only wanting to support me or see me on holidays, only to then ignore me the rest of the year. Anyway, I kinda deleted them all from Facebook, and sent some a few angry texts that they probably didn’t deserve.

    I wish I could blame hormones, but I feel like that’s an excuse for my poor choices :( But since we’re talking about Moms…

    I’m not like mine at all. But, I think a lot of that is because I really don’t know who she is. Strange how you can live without someone your whole life, and still never know who they are. But I haven’t given up. I’m trying to stage lots of mother/daughter bonding time, and even started supporting her by attending her first roller derby practice. Now we make it a weekly thing.

    When I asked her why she suddenly wanted to do it, she said “You inspire me. I felt like I could borrow some of your courage”.

    So, maybe in a special way, we are becoming like each other – still growing, and slowly discovering who we are :)

    • I’m sorry work/”normal” living is so hard right now. Try not to get down on yourself. You can only choose to do your best with what you’ve got – you don’t choose their metrics, and you don’t choose the hardship you’re under, which their metrics aren’t even equipped to deal with (and probably couldn’t fathom if they were, you know, sentient).

  43. ALAINA! I posted a photo of myself on IG yesterday and THREE PEOPLE (including my mom!) thought it was a photo OF MY MOM. Honestly never been so flattered. Anyway I love you and have been thinking about you today. ?

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