July 4th Open Thread for Your Homo-Holiday Feelings: Have a Very Gay “Independence” Day

Well happy Independence Day, America! It’s time for picnics and ice cream and launching explosives into the air with friends and family wheeee! Also, in the grand tradition of holiday open threads past, we have an open thread! [See: Christmakwanza Open Thread: Share Your Homo-Holiday Feelings! and Terrible/AWESOME Thanksgiving Open Thread For all Your Homo Holiday Feelings]

We have a lot of feelings about how f*cked up this country is, and I was about to start listing them, but then Kate Moennig basically came out on Twitter so I stopped caring for a second. I mean, obviously only lesbians care about homophobia and the environment, right?

It’s a particular experience to celebrate a country who refuses to give you full citizenship rights, yeah? How do you reconcile that? I think most of us ‘reconcile’ a lot of things via alcohol / drugs / blogging, so probs we’ll just keep doing that.

So! Whatcha doing? Are you eating a lot of outdoorsy foods and exploding shit later tonight? Are fireworks legal in your state? How do you feel about Cool Whip? I feel like Cool Whip sales go up around this time of year because people make that fucking layer thing with the berries. And hey, what about you lovely people who don’t live in America and therefore can’t eat our Cool Whip or watch our videos on Hulu — how are you celebrating this very uneventful Sunday?

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Laneia is the Director of Operations and founding member of Autostraddle, and you're the reason she's here.

Laneia has written 918 articles for us.



    I’ll be enjoying (?) a bizarre suburban experience today. I’ve already attended an unsettlingly imperialist church service and eaten a bad waffle in a chain restaurant/avoiding throwing up on myself while a hot dog eating contest broadcast on 8 tvs.

    Now, I’ve just got to make it through my coming out as a vegetarian/presenting Boca burgers to my former meat-cutter-for-a-living party host tonight, while somehow not drinking beer due to the attendance of AN ENTIRE AA GROUP’S WORTH OF RECOVERING ALCOHOLICS (the sole attendees, myself excluded).

    Also, rednecks x $350+ of illegal fireworks, imported from the fine state of Tennessee.

    I need to cut the sleeves off a shirt or buy some American Flag pants or something.

  2. With all our issues, mistakes, etc. America is still the shit!! I love America! I can;t think of any place I would rather live, except maybe Canada, but that is only because it is close to America.

    Ppl can talk all the shit all they want about America but very few are leaving and more are coming..

    Anti-American American’s don;t help the situation.

  3. I’ll be going to the boardwalk/watching fireworks/observing crazy tourists. Hopefully I won’t get dragged down the street by a shopkeeper who thinks I’m shoplifting, like last year. Which I totally didn’t do, by the way. -_-

  4. I’ll be spending the day explaining to customers (as we listen to fireworks in the distance) that no, we don’t sell fireworks and no, we can’t even sell them legally, sorry!

    Awesome plan, huh?

  5. I’m celebrating be refusing to leave my apt and instead watching a Dr. Who marathon and getting drunk. I thought about going to the big local parade/etc thing but then I remembered how much I hate being around large groups of people and decided not to.

  6. Today we celebrate rich farmers who didn’t want to pay their taxes. HOORAY!

    Cool whip sucks. I prefer redi whip.

    Currently I’m drunk off of cheap vodka and watching Jill Bennett related things on the intraweb. So far that’s how I’m celebrating.

    I’m also insanely hungry. Maybe I’ll make a grilled cheese.

    • omg just yesterday I was eating cool whip and thinking “there is nothing better than this. I will never eat actual whipped cream again!”
      oh well, to each her own.

  7. my family celebrated yesterday because the 4th fell on a sunday this year and that’s the lord’s day. i wish fireworks were illegal in my state. hearing a relative say “hey watch ‘iss” followed by unsafe handling of explosives gives me so much anxiety.

    also this thread needs moar lee greenwood. proud to be an american, y’all

    • When I read this, I forgot Pride wasn’t on the same day for everyone, and thought you still had a hangover from last weekend. If that is in fact the case, I am impressed. And terrified.

  8. Everyone’s effing facebook status is “freedom isn’t free” etc. so this is mine: apparently freedom isn’t free if you’re a member of the LGBTQQ community- you have to fight for it. Happy Fourth of July? I guess I’ll be celebrating my second class citizenship by grilling and watching fireworks.

  9. Yuck Fou, “America”! Just kidding, (even though I’m constantly encouraged to do so) I just can’t bring myself to hate the US of A; it’s my main source of cultural satisfaction…and stuff. I’ll probably sneak into one of those warships when they head back to their motherland and everything. Enjoy your day, United Staters.

    -Foreign intrusion over-

  10. i am hiding in laura’s room but when she gets home from work we are going to get drunk and light fire crackers. (maybe not in that order? that sounds dangerous). this is my first 4th of july! it’s scary! loud bangs keep going off every few minutes.

  11. I absolutely despise this holiday, which is weird because I LOVE HOLIDAYS.
    I don’t understand why we must celebrate by setting off bombs in the air. Where I live, you can buy fireworks ANYWHERE. They had a two for one sale at the local grocery store, right next to the special on beer.
    Every 4th of July I convince myself that this is the year I will lose my hand to some unattended, grocery store bought, colorful bomb that some kids were playing with on my street.
    Because this is the worst holiday ever, my family always decides it would be a nice idea to host a party which means that if anyone’s home blows up on this godforsaken holiday, it will probably be mine.

    I just have too many feelings about this day!

      • I start hearing fireworks around the same time, middle of June. So scary! And then I feel like they don’t stop until the end of August.

        People love explosives and I just don’t get it.

    • I hate 4th of July too. I think it’s ’cause by that point in the summer it’s super hot for sure, which means I’m sweating for sure, which sucks for sure.

      and I DON’T UNDERSTAND FIREWORKS. I mean, why do cities put so much money into spectacular fireworks displays when we need better public schools and health care and omg, I just don’t get it. i guess what better way to celebrate our independence then to blow things up for no reason.

    • I’m not overly fond of fireworks either, I have this fear of having my house/apt burn down. So I spend the fourth worrying that some drunk idiot is going to set some fireworks off and burn down my apt.

      And they scare my cat. I don’t like things that scare my cat

  12. hahaha “that fucking layer thing with the berries” is that the one with blueberries and strawberries in the pattern of the flag on top? just give me the freakin tub of cool whip already!

    also i better be seeing the best fireworks show of my life tonight, because it’s in the nation’s capitol and if a tiny town in the south can do better than DC i’m going to be berrrry disappointed

    • The fireworks display on the mall is really fucking kickass, and there are a lot of good places you can see it from around the city or in arlington (which is my locale). Plus, since DC is so flat and lacks tall buildings you can see every single fireworks display in the metro area if you’re on a hill.

      • Jenn and I live a few blocks from the mall and we (ok mainly me and my friend) were being asshats tonight on the way back from the firework display to all the people getting on the metro. We were like ha have fun waiting for the metro while we’re just a block from our townhouse…. it was amusing while drunk. We meant to viist Ihop and then shoot firecrackers off in Virginia but we never made it out of the house again LOL

  13. I’m going to a tiny parade that was fun when I was like seven but now is just like fifty people in weird cars throwing candy. And I can’t even pick up the candy because then I’d be taking it away from the kids there. After that I think I’m picking up my mom from the airport, then going home.

  14. i stayed home from the “blow up watermelons with fireworks and talk about how much we hate the President” annual bbq. i am on autostraddle and analyzing me and the gf’s astrological compatability.

  15. I got my 4th on last night when I saw Twilight: ECLIPSE! and Toy Story 3 at the drive-in. All of my straight friends and I managed to make Toy Story 3 incredibly homoerotic. Or maybe that was me.

    Also the drive in decided to celebrate AMERICA by setting off surprise firework like 50 feet from us. TERROR D:! When the establishment’s proprietor asked us how we enjoyed the show we all said we liked it for fear of having them shot directly at us. I wish my state had some restrictions on fireworks but they are ALL LEGAL. We’ll be hearing them for the next month.

  16. My 4th of July is pretty rad this year.

    Mainly because my uncle and his husband (an INTERRACIAL GAY couple, THAT’S WHAT’S UP) flew in from their home in AMSTERDAM. And this is the first time I’ve seen them in 8 years. And every time I talk to them or see them talk to each other (IN DUTCH), I just want to squeal and run around and be really happy.

    Take that, America.

    So I’m spending my entire day gawking at them. Pretty good way to spend it, I think.

  17. Yesterday I gave out free samples at Walmart and today I’m going to eat hamburgers and hot dogs for the 2nd day in a row. SO American.

    But then I’m going to think about how cute it is when my gf says “hambur-jay” and argues with me that it is the bread that defines a hamburger and not merely the presence of a ground beef patty and then I’m going to get angry about French bureaucracy and visas.

    And right now I’m watching Dr. Who…

    But I want to put on a cut off t-shirt, drink a beer and shout “America! FUCK YEAH!” while things explode.

  18. this is the first time in like 5 years that i’m not working on this particular holiday, so i’m sort of overwhelmed at all of the possible activities. i guess people actually celebrate? and by people i mean my friends and family// i don’t think i knew that.
    but i’m sort of …indifferent to the whole thing. so my philosophy is to enjoy my family and friends and shrug at the reason for the season.

    ..happy 4th

  19. I’m 26 today. It’s nice. I like the feel of being in the latter half of my twenties. I think things are just starting to get interesting. To celebrate, my lady and I are going to see Eclipse (lol oh okay) and drinking a ton of mojitos. Nice and easy. I’m antisocial.

  20. Aw, you should all be here in Toronto this fourth of July. Our Pride parade is today, as it had to be moved down a week because of the G20.

    I can’t hate America. Where else could I pick up red velvet cake-flavoured yogurt to smuggle into my country? Happy Independence Day to you all!

    • i was totes at toronto pride today and yesterday. the parade took forever and it was hella hot but it was totally awesome and there was much sexiness to be had all around. toronto pride is the best.

      happy fourth of july americans!

  21. i’m trying to avoid hitting all the tourists who descended on our nation’s capital this weekend with my car. it makes me feel like i’m in a real life game of frogger…but at least i’m not the frog in this scenario.

  22. i went to see the Karate Kid with my roomie! (what was the point of this? idk.)
    Now we’re smoking/going to go watch fireworks in a little bit.

    also, there will be much drinking. and i’ll hopefully find a cute girl to bring home tonight. and she’ll be all, yay america. and i’ll be all, yes, let’s celebrate.

    because i’m awesome. :D

  23. i painted my nails red white and blue and wore red and blue ribbons in my hair because we had an independence day sale at work. i’m going to keep the decorations up for the bastille day sale we’re gonna have next week.

  24. I am nursing my day drinking hangover with season 3 of Dexter and, I don’t want to count any chicks-on-chicks before they hatch, but I think it’s about to get a little gay up in here! Homosexyawesome potential between season special guest star lawyerface Robin McUhaul from L-word season 1 and a lady detective. Mmmmmmhmm Law & Order…yes please! DUN DUN

  25. My job makes me hate the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, and Labor Day because the park gets really fucking busy.

    Last night I had to catch a horse that got out of it’s barn near the park because it was spooked by all the fireworks. It rampaged through the completely full campground and almost took out a lady on a scooter. Everybody, including the horse, was okay. Plus, quite the crowd had gathered by the end, and I totally looked like the most badass ranger ever.

    I spent today chasing down fireworks (prohibited in the park) and drunks (alcohol is also prohibited). Oh, and I put out a brush fire.

    Tomorrow will be sweet to make up for all the suck. I’m going to make the deadliest slip-and-slide ever using a hill, tarp, 4 skateboards, velcro, hot glue, and an inflatable tube. Jealous? ‘Cause you should be. Pictures of my broken bones to follow.

  26. It was way too hot to do anything so I joined on the Chrono Trigger Fanfest play through on Fangamer because I’m a big nerd and I still love my SNES. http://bit.ly/cROgjF
    Then I watched Long Island Sound get exploded by fireworks. Currently, anarchy is erupting on my street.

  27. Guys! There were fireworks shaped like cubes! Like were you draw the two squares and connect the lines! I was so excited, I started yelling and think everyone near me thought I was a freak. Cubes! Ok I’m done now. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

  28. I spent the 4th in three different states- started in El Paso in the morning, then hit Chicago (HI CARLY!) and landed in NY just as the fireworks were starting to light up all over the tri-state area more like fireflies than anything more spectacular.

  29. The best part of the fourth is being so drunk you have the drunchies! AKA drunk munchies! But I’m broke so we had weird drunk munchies…. never combine banaansa and salsa….
    and hten contemplated how we’d get oru haircut if we could afford it… and then i got online and read autostraddle. i’dhave to say autostraddle made my night complete.

  30. i enjoy the 4th and was out grilling and frolicking in my romper (i wear it completely without irony) But seriously today my head was about to Explode!! In the paper there was a little section “why we love america” and some of the comments were stupid- like i love my country because we are the best in the world and nobody will take that away.not really a coherent reason as to why you actually love america but whatevs. Until i read one published response which basically listed all the things we are free to do IE free to practice any religion, free to go wherever we please, free to marry whoever we chose… WAIT hold up… WTF@$(P&@#P$7@#???!! yup head explodes! oh wait yup straights are still allowed to marry whoever… ok yup america IS great crisis averted #omgdenverpostyoumakemysooomad

  31. It is July 5 right now in Australia (and probably America by now, too? I don’t know, math).

    On the 4th I went to my boss’s house an picked up a worm farm. Now I have worms!

  32. I went to the beach yesterday and there were a bunch of big family barbecues. It was a gorgeous day and I was driving through a huge open space preserve along the coast with epic views and rolling hills. To top it off, I went to Applebee’s for dinner (the most American thing I think of?).

    I live in an area with lots of people from around the world. At the fireworks display I went to, the people immediately in front of me were speaking Hebrew, to the left there was Spanish, to the right was a family with Indian accents and another with Russian accents. I was there with my sweetie, whose dad emigrated from Iran.

    It was hard to be a hater when thinking about the amazing life I’ve been able to have because of this country and the huge sacrifices people make to come here. So I thought I could give America one day, at least, without me bitching at it non-stop. But I’m cutting it off at one day, cause revolutions need some bitching.

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