Editors’ Pick: Cooking the Books – Emily Gould and Tao Lin Make Raw Salad

Laneia: i’m going to team pick emily gould and tao lin cooking the books
unless you want to
Riese: omg it’s up
put it as from both of us
Laneia: ok
Riese: say how excitant we have been
because of our feelings for these peoples
and how these people have become in their own way a part of our friendship and working relationship and how we want to cook their books
Laneia: i’ve been waiting for this for either a month and a half or my entire life or both
Riese: i have been waiting for this since before tao lin was born
also since before emily gould was born, which was three weeks
between my birth and emily’s birth
Laneia: i will post this chat
Riese: ok
Laneia: “in my other books there’s like really long sentences and metaphors and similes and stuff.”
Riese: that’s true
Laneia: he bites pieces of food off and spits them into the salad
rather than chop them
with a knife
Riese: can you link me
to it
Laneia: http://www.theawl.com/2010/10/cooking-the-books-emily-gould-and-tao-lin-make-raw-salad
Riese: this picture of them together makes me feel both anxious and smiling

via the awl

Laneia: that is the feeling through the entire video
Riese: this is so weird/awesome
he is so weird, i like it
Laneia: i really don’t feel like he’s that weird.
i feel like he’s totally normal and kind of free of facade which is nice.
like how a toddler acts. not in an immature way, but in a basic way
Riese: to be fair
the concept itself might be awkward
Laneia: it is
i’m always very very surprised that it’s not more awkward every time
Riese: yes
Laneia: it would be intimidating to have emily gould look at you with her giant brown eyes and ask you a question
you’d have to answer the question immediately and with people looking at you and with emily gould looking at you
for her part though, emily is very nonchalant and nice
Riese: yes, she’s good at it, that’s why I’m scared if I met her she wouldn’t like me
no social anxiety, her eyes

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Laneia is the Director of Operations and founding member of Autostraddle, and you're the reason she's here.

Laneia has written 930 articles for us.


  1. OMFG jesus christ. things i love about this:

    1. “that i’m vegan. but i was vegan for two years, so that makes sense.”
    2. when emily makes air quotes and tao says “yeah.”
    3. that tao lin still says “gmail chat” in real life
    4. “there would just be a lot of pictures of each thing.”
    5. “don’t feel like you have to convey it with your face.” “i’m being normal now.”

  2. I saw Tao Lin read when he came to Portland with Book Slut. I don’t know how I feel about it. It was me and every hipster kid that goes to the art school a couple blocks away. We all crammed into a little store to hear him. It was hot. Someone smelled. He read for five minutes and took questions. I asked him about the character names and he gave the same response. He did, however, put a weird little drawing in my book that I think is me. I asked how he felt about American Apparel maybe filing for bankruptcy, he said he was cool with it. Afterward everyone went next door and drank. Overall, weird but good times.

      • i used to know this girl named caitlin a few years ago. we met online and she helped me and made me laugh. she took me and my friends to fancy hotels and sometimes on vacation out of the blue.

        then she turned out to be lying about everything. there wasn’t a single true thing we knew about her. the story is confusing and would blow your mind. it was sad because she was my best friend and i loved her. i like you better.

  3. i want to make out w/ tao lin, to show that i appreciate his… awkwardness? awesomeness? how much i feel he would get me?

    but i feel like making out w/ tao lin would be like making out w/ the way he talks and… it would be awkward?

    i can’t express this thought, but you know?

  4. Ahhh, thanks guys. I knew a Laneia once, she was my fat babysitter who sat around all day and watched game shows. She smelled like kaopectate and Milkyways. One time I set myself on fire and had to put it out myself. She was a bad babysitter. I like you way more.

    reise, well, I don’t know anyone named Reise so, I guess, your as good as it gets. So, therefore, I like you the best.

  5. omg why am I only seeing this now?! My stomach has little mini-knots in it and I’m not sure whether that’s because of the delightful awkwardness, how much I hate that I adore these people and everything they have written or simply the thought of kale.

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