Maggie Thrash’s graphic memoirΒ Honor Girl, about her time as a teen coming out as queer and growing up at a conservative summer camp, is my second favorite book I’ve read in the last five years. Not just comic book, but any kind of book. It’s funny, it’s touching, it’s heart wrenching and it’s brilliant. A new, paperback version of the book is coming out May 9th from Candlewick Press, and in honor of that release, Thrash has writtenΒ a brand new epilogue of fifteen year old Maggie (the age she was in the book) interviewing her current self about life, her friends and if she ever gets a girlfriend. I’m excited to be able to share the entire new epilogue with you here at Drawn to Comics.
THRASH, 15 years later
I was fifteen years old when I fell in love for the first time. The circumstances were far from ideal: it was an all-girls Christian camp in the South; I was a camper, she was a counselor; it was the year 2000, the height of Donβt Ask, Donβt Tell. That summer tested everything about me β was I a lesbian? Was I a nice person? Was I a weird person? Was I someone who fought for herself, or someone who backed down?
Fifteen years later, I published a graphic memoir about that time called Honor Girl. I had just turned thirty, which seemed very symbolic β all the stuff in the book had happened at the exact halfway point of my existence, with a distinct before and after. Because what I learned that summer is that once youβve been in love, you can never go back. Love literally changes your brain chemistry, making you a different person. And you have to figure out who that person is. After that summer, all I wanted was reassurance β not from other people necessarily, but from myself. I would have loved to talk to my adult self and ask her a million questions: Am I ok? Do I make it out of my teens alive? Who do I turn out to be, in the end? And most importantly:
15 YEAR OLD ME: Do Erin and I finally end up together?
ADULT ME: No. You and Erin do not end up together. For a lot of reasons. The age difference is just too punishing β sheβs almost twenty and youβre barely fifteen. And first love hardly ever works out anyway. But that doesnβt mean it wasnβt real. It was real. Fifteen years from now youβll write an entire book about it, thatβs how real it was.
Please tell me I have a girlfriend, at least.
Um, well, you had one for about five minutes in November, but it fell apart because you were such a workaholic you never picked up the phone or texted her back.
Oh my god, why am I a moron??? Text her back!!!
Iβm busy! Iβm writing like three books right now!
So I become a person who is βbusy” instead of having a girlfriend. Thatβs awesome. Thanks.
Shut up. And youβre welcome. Your career is more important than dating.
You sound like Mom.
That is the cruelest thing you could have said to me. Iβm leaving.
Wait, wait, hang on! Just tell me β do I ever go back to camp again?
Youβll visit camp one more time. Youβre thirty years old, and honestly itβs pretty anticlimactic. You drive all the way to Kentucky expecting a grand and bittersweet nostalgia trip, but the camp people seem to think youβve come to plant a bomb or burn the place to the ground or something. They get a lady to follow you around like a parole officer, and you end up spending the whole visit reminiscing about her camp days.
What happened to Tennis Bethany and my other friends?
Oh, they all turned out to be gay. Iβm not even joking. Tennis Bethany is trans, your tent-mate Shannon is a lesbian, Erin married a womanβ¦. And itβs not just your camp friends. Your best friend from second grade? Your best friend from fourth grade? Your eighth grade boyfriend? ALL GAY. I have this theory about subconscious gaydar, that queer seeks queer on a totally metaphysical level. Like, before you even know what βgay” is, your gay energy is out there forming invisible bonds with other queers. So you come out of the closet and realize half your friends were in there with you.
It feels like my gay energy will be in the closet forever.
Yeah, you get pretty comfortable in there. But times change, and it becomes very outrΓ© to be homophobic among decent people. At a certain point youβll realize youβre just hiding out of habit. And people will surprise you β even Dad will be cool about it. Your book gets a rave in the New York Times, which helps the coming-out process. Your parents arenβt gonna not accept their gay kid after the New York Times tells them itβs okay.
Thatβs nice, but it doesnβt really help me right now. Iβm super confused about whether itβs cool to be myself. Like, I saw this Gap commercial that was all, βBe crazy! Be YOU!” But everyone in the ad was wearing identical beige capri pants. Likeβ¦ be yourself, as long as you are exactly like everyone else.
Youβre in a weird, transitional time. And I donβt just mean you personally β I mean the whole country. βDonβt Ask, Donβt Tell” is sending people a messed-up message: Let the gays be gay, as long as they shut up about it. I remember in tenth grade trying to explain to a guy that I wasnβt straight, and the guy was like, βUgh, whatever, why do you have to make it such a big deal?” But donβt let people like that confuse you. Theyβre the ones making it a big deal, not you. Youβre just trying to be real.
Does anyone ever figure out what the hell βI Want It That Way” means?
βI Want It That Way” remains an enigma of the ages. The best explanation is that the songwriter was Swedish and didnβt speak English very well (sorry if I just shattered your illusion that the Backstreet Boys actually wrote that song). In 2011 the Chinese government orders βI Want It That Way” to be removed from the internet for βnational security purposes.” So I dunno, maybe they know something we donβt.
Do you still listen to Backstreet Boys?
Boy band love never dies. Itβs perhaps the truest love of all. And BSB is totally worthy of that love β they never have a dirty, bitter breakup. They donβt sue each other or leave each other behind for solo careers. They come out with an awesome album in 2013, and youβre seeing their live show in Vegas in 2017!
OH MY GOD STOP YOUβRE LYING!
Consider it my gift to you. A beacon of hope in a world of disappointment and uncertainty.
Is there anything else you can tell me? Can you give me cool advice from the future?
Nah, I donβt think so. So many people are telling you what to do right now β how to dress, how to act, how to be mature β I wonβt add my voice to that. Youβre gonna do what youβre gonna do, which will involve some deeply weird choices β but nothing worth disrupting the space-time continuum over. And itβs not like Iβm some magically wise person with all the answers. Iβm just you in fifteen years. You donβt really need my advice.
Yeah, no shit. Take my advice and text your girlfriend back, numbskull. This is all a huge waste if you canβt even love and be loved in the end.
New Releases (May 3)
Superwoman Vol 1 Who Killed Superwoman TP
Wonder Woman Vol 2 Year One TP
Wynonna Earp Legends: Earp Sisters #4
All-New Wolverine Vol 3 Enemy of the State II TP
Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Vol 2 HC
Welcome to Drawn to Comics! From diary comics to superheroes, from webcomics to graphic novels β this is where weβll be taking a look at comics by, featuring and for queer ladies. So whether you love to look at detailed personal accounts of other peopleβs lives, explore new and creative worlds, or you just love to see hot ladies in spandex, weβve got something for you.
If you have a comic that youβd like to see me review, you can email me at mey [at] autostraddle [dot] com.
This is great! I loved Honor Girl; it made me nostalgic for a summer camp experience I never had.
Come to A-Camp!
I picked up the book on display in the public library, read through it, kept thinking – this looks very familiar, down to the tents and rifle range – went back to look through it again for geographic references – and realized this was the camp I attended back in the mid 1960s at age 10 or 11. It wasn’t super-Christian when I went. Oddly, one of the most vivid memories was of leaving at the end of the year – not a ceremony, but being put on the passenger train back to Cincinnati, by myself, and arriving at the huge Union Station train station, back when train travel was pretty common. The train was distinctly old-fashioned, had art deco style etched glass area dividers, very 1930. I had a swelled head for a while, allowed to travel by myself in a glamorous adult way (ie, not by school bus)! Of course at that age I didn’t have a clue (not even close to puberty).
Mey what was your favorite book of the last five years??
SuperMutant Magic Academy, the all time best book ever written
Excellent, I was also going to ask this question.
OMG! Thank you for this, Mey (and Maggie, of course). I love Honor Girl, and this was great.
Maggie’s dialogue with herself was really great. Thank you for sharing with us Maggie! I also though Honor Girl was great.
“Boy band love never dies. Itβs perhaps the truest love of all.” As a lesbian, this is one of the truest things I have ever known.
Honor Girl was a great book, thanks for the lovely interview!
Everyone is gay! We’re all oscillating in this universe and bonding pre pubescently and forming our gay army. Maggie Thrash continues to make me a happy gay human. ALSO MEY THANK YOU FOR PUTTING HONOR GIRL IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS
Can we talk about Patsy Walker aka Hellcat ending? I am at least a few issues behind but I’m going to miss that series so much when it’s done.
This was great!
Omg this is so cool :) I want to write a letter to little 13 yo Liam now. I’ll tell him what nb means and that there’s more than one transboy in the world & that it’s ok to be bi & relationship advice as well as non lgbt advice too.
OMG I love this!
thank you so much for this! I loved HONOR GIRL so this was hilarious.