Welcome to Butt Week, friends! An entire week dedicated to butts and butt-adjacent stuff: how-tos, thoughtful essays, original art, pop culture critiques, music and more! You are absolutely not ready for this and yet it is happening to you, right now.Let’s talk about underwear!
Did you hear it’s Butt Week?! It’s true, it is! So we’re gonna talk about what covers (or doesn’t cover!) our butts.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Writer
I generally wear two different styles of underwear: big, preferably high-waisted shorts that cover everything but still make my butt look good OR teeny tiny thongs that cover essentially nothing but are still comfortable and cute. My ideal underwear = a cotton or soft fabric high-waisted and preferably seamless thong, which I feel like might be weird? But that’s what’s all-over most comfortable imo. I am absolutely the kind of person who will wear underwear until they disintegrate into pieces, because once I find a pair that are comfortable and cute, I never want to let go. Lately, I’ve been a little more aware of the general state of my underwear as I have taken to wearing zero pants during the pandemic (honestly, I mostly just wear a bikini at home). So anyway it’s probably time for some new stuff!!!!!!
Vanessa Friedman, Community Editor
The thing about underwear, for me, is that I need it to be comfortable before I care about it being sexy. But I would also like it to be sexy. That’s kind of my whole vibe always — I want to look and feel hot, but absolutely not at the expense of also feeling like I could take a nap in whatever I’m wearing. The other thing about underwear is that I’m fat, and finding something that covers my ass and doesn’t pinch too much at the waist/hips is frustrating. And the other thing about underwear is that I’m really prone to yeast infections and BV, so I absolutely have to wear 100% cotton or else my vagina becomes unhappy. Oh and the final thing about undies is that I hate the word “panties” down to my very core; that’s not really important when talking about what I wear to cover my butt, but it felt important for you to know.
So! What does all this mean? It means when I gained a lot of weight as an adult and no longer fit into the Victoria’s Secret classic cotton bikini (5 for $25, of course) I didn’t really know what to do. I’m actually still looking for the perfect affordable cotton undies that fit fat girls, so if you know the secret, please share! My truth is that I would love the Parade undies that Instagram keeps hitting me over the head with, both algorithmically and also via very hot queer influencers, but I just can’t stray from the cotton vibes because my vagina is really particular and finicky.
My solution for now has been to majorly splurge and buy Natori underwear. So far I’ve only tried the “Bliss Girl Brief” which is their simplest style, but I’ve been eyeing the “Bliss Perfection French Cut Panty” in spite of its horrifying (to me) name. I’m embarrassed to tell you how much these cost – they’re $20 a pair or $48 for 3 – but they are really great quality, they last a long time even if you machine wash them (I don’t put them in the dryer, I hang them up to dry), they’re extremely comfortable, and – they’re actually also quite sexy!
Which, okay, brings us to the sexy part of my underwear feelings, wherein I’m going to share a secret with you: I fucking hate uncomfortable lingerie but I love looking extremely sexy for a date, which is why I like to rely on a little trick called: bring very sexy undies to your date in your purse and right before you fuck go into the bathroom and change into them! Look, maybe there are babes out there who absolutely love thongs (god bless!) or who get off on wearing a tight, lacy, high-waisted scenario with multiple ties and bows during dinner, and I truly salute you. But I am not that girl. I have always brought sexy undies (and full lingerie outfits) in my bag on a date and I always change in the bathroom when we get home. If a date is just a dick appointment I’ll maybe show up actually wearing the fancy lingerie, but I have to know that we’ll be fucking (and taking off the lingerie) within like 10 minutes to make this a reality. In my opinion, extremely sexy undies are for showing off a few minutes before you fuck and also for elaborate photo shoots at home — not for everyday wear and certainly not for sitting uncomfortably in for the duration of a date, no thank you!
I’ve actually had a much easier time finding overtly sexy undies for fat girls than I’ve had finding basic cotton briefs for fat girls (we can unpack that another time!), so if you are looking for that I recommend Gabi Fresh x Playful Promises, Savage x Fenty, and Alexandrea Anissa.
Abeni Jones, Contributor
I have a penis. So “women’s” underwear doesn’t fit. No matter what! But, I wear it anyway, because I also sometimes want to “tuck,” which is terrible, but I bought a bunch of panties that are a size too small so that it kind of can help with tucking. But it doesn’t really? But “men’s” underwear would be useless, and also I wear leggings every day, so they have to be tight so they don’t like, bunch up under there. And tucking only like, works in fabrics that don’t have that much stretch. And the gusset has to be wide. I don’t really get how cis women, even, wear a lot of these panty brands, because… the gusset is so narrow is it like, a front thong? Aren’t your lips like, hanging out of these tiny little panties? Maybe they’re only for people with “innies?” I don’t know.
Anyway, though, because of my dick, my panties are always falling down my ass, which is the worst. The only solution I’ve found is high-waisted panties, and I FINALLY found a pair that I like from Gap, and I bought four pairs, but in grey, but I really want them in black, but they have been sold out in all colors in my size for months! I have spent so much money trying to find panties that work since my transition. Literally dozens and dozens of pairs from different brands (I do like Aerie) to find the right ones.
I am finally going to get bottom surgery sometime soon, and it’s POSSIBLE that the only reason I’m getting bottom surgery is so that I can stop having to tuck and can have underwear that fits! OK, that’s definitely not the only reason, but still. It’s in the Top 5 for sure.
Riese Bernard, CEO
TomboyX 4.5” Boxer-Briefs. I’ve dreamed of and hoped for this precise product all my life — they’re long enough to go over my entire butt and then some. What a delight. A+++ Five stars would shop again.
Malic White, Writer
I bike year-round for transportation in the Midwest, so I need underwear that doesn’t bunch up, doesn’t drench my butt in sweat and dries quickly in the event that I’m pedaling through rain or snow. I tend to go for function over fashion, so I exclusively wear briefs and boxer briefs, which serve both my cycling needs and my boyish(?) aesthetic. And I don’t mess around with those “cheeky briefs” — I need full ass coverage to feel comfortable. I’m a relatively compact human, but I do, indeed, have a prominent ass, and I don’t want it flopping around. I hate shopping for underwear, so I order mine in bulk from MeUndies, always in black (I’m a bleeder). I deeply appreciate “sexy underwear” on others, but I’ve never worn it myself. I like how I feel in my boring, black briefs, and I’ll probably keep wearing them for the rest of my long, gay life.
Shelli Nicole, Writer
I spend way too much money on underwear and bras and lingerie than I need to but I won’t be stopping anytime soon. I was the girl at the mall who headed straight into Victoria’s Secret to hit up that 72 pairs of panties for $5 table. I have since stopped shopping there but my mother buys me their panties every Christmas so I still have plenty of them in my drawers. I love everything from a high waisted cotton white brief to a lacy boyshort where my cheeks are peeking out and I even love a thong!
Everlane has the panties that I go to for when I am on my period — they are comfortable, soft, still pretty cute and breathe well which is perfect for when I am bleeding. I wear a 14-16 and the XL fits really good but are a little tight when it comes to the bikini cut.
Remember when every other podcast was being sponsored by ThirdLove and talking about their bras? I don’t actually know how the bras are but the panties are pretty damn dope, their Lacy High Waisted briefs in XL are wonderful. Some of my newer favorites have been from Free People and that’s wild because they can be a hit or miss, but these in black in an XL have been comfortable and cute to lounge around in.
So, Panties. Undies. Drawls. Pants. Whatever you want to call them – I love them and even though my wallet might not be happy with my obsession, my ass is and that’s all that matters.
Drew Gregory, Writer
When I was first coming out, I googled around for the best “women’s” underwear for trans women. The internet resoundly told me to buy from Maidenform. I got a mix of boyshorts and more conventional panties and was expecting them to still not work and was surprised that they actually sort of do?? Look, wearing “women’s” underwear with a penis when you don’t tuck is choosing to wear underwear that slightly doesn’t fit, but the Maidenform underwear is close enough. In fact, I’d say the boyshorts fit pretty great — the panties less so. I really only wear the panties if I’m going on a date or wearing short shorts and I have to be careful I don’t have the worst version of a nip slip ever a.k.a. the testicle slip. It’s only happened a few times, but one of those times was at A-Camp and I still wonder if anyone saw. Dear Seventeen Magazine, I lived it! My balls slipped out of my panties at summer camp in front of my crush!
The most recent Savage X Fenty show has me wishing that I had some proper lingerie — something extremely elaborate and hot and drag. So maybe I’ll buy something soon! Who knows! Could be fun!
Heather Hogan, Senior Writer & TV Editor
Like everything else I wear, my underwear has to be: 1) comfortable and 2) gay. And so it’s TomboyX Iconic Briefs for me. First of all, they’re cozy as heck. Second of all, you can get them in dinosaurs or bright orange or rainbow patterns, and having cheerful colors and prints on my butt contributes a little bit of joy to my days and we all need all the joy we can get right now. I have always been a tomboy my entire life, and all clothes, especially underwear or bras, that are super feminine-looking have always made me feel itchy, but I wore that stuff for a long time just because I thought that’s what girls had to do. Also because my parents made me wear really stereotypically girly clothes when I was younger. The first time I saw myself in some TomboyX briefs, I was like, “Yes, exactly!” Another thing I love about them is they’re kind of expensive, for me, for underwear. Before I bought my first Iconic Briefs, I always just bought like six-packs of cotton underwear in the most masculine colors I could find from Target or whatever. But then when I sprang for a $20 pair of briefs, I felt like a dang prince! And I liked feeling like a prince, so I built up a collection! (I know in the grand scheme of underwear and lingerie, $20 is probably not very expensive at all, but for me, it was a lot! I have four indoor cats and a colony of outdoor feral cats to feed, you know!) Most recently, I have purchased for myself the Witches Brew ones, obviously.
KaeLyn Rich, Writer
I prefer not to wear underwear. That’s the godhonesttruth. Once in my early 20’s, I was getting out of my mom’s car as she was dropping me off at the airport. I was wearing a cargo mini-skirt. (It was 2000.) As I walked away with my luggage, my mom yelled to me out the window, “KaeLyn! Will you please put some underwear on?” So anyway, yeah, now I’m a mom who yells at their child to put their underwear on. Between my toddler being under-skirt height and my general choice of wanting people to consent to seeing my genitals in public, I begrudgingly wear underwear. Specifically under dresses and skirts. And I like to wear dresses and skirts year-round.
I don’t like the look or feel of underwear under my clothes, so I want loose-fitting seamless-looking styles that don’t compress or dig at all. I also can’t deal with readjusting my undies all the time. My body shape (small hips, round belly) means pants and undies fall down on me and I’m always hiking them up. One of the reasons I like a dress with pockets is so I can adjust my undies and leggings discreetly. Like truly, my underwear will fall off my body as I’m walking if I don’t pull it up. My only success in finding underwear that doesn’t fall down and that is also soft and comfortable are Aerie high waist 100% cotton briefs. Unfortunately, the specific style I love is no longer available. I keep hoping they’ll bring it back! These Eyelash Lace High Waisted Boybrief Underwear are almost as good and only slide down a little. The XXL fits like a dream with enough stretch to fit someone in a larger size easily. I’d argue they’re even a little sexy!