I wouldn’t say I’ve escaped the Cult of Mommy completely. I’ve defined it for myself.
For queer couples, deciding to get pregnant often involves a lot of planning, money, and time.
There are no right or wrong answers in queer and trans parenting choices, just the decisions we make.
“You have to wear pants to go outside.”
Even though I didn’t get to experience A-Camp in the traditionally transformative way, I got an even deeper peek into the ways that this community is both very real and deeply caring.
I didn’t understand unconditional love until I met Remi.
What I’ve learned is that parents and moms especially, even cool radical-minded queer moms, even boss-lady moms with lots of confidence in their own abilities, really can’t escape the “working mom” BS.
It’s literally a social science experiment every day and we don’t have any control. That’s how it is with toddlers, I guess…
Reclaiming queer procreation, dropping the last nap, stupid crows, Baby T. at A-Camp, and losta cute T. Rex pics.
Unfortunately, most parenting books weren’t written with queer moms, trans dads, non-binary parents and gestational carriers, and families that look like ours in mind.
“What I’m saying is, if you’re sitting in the legislative chamber trying to hear the floor debate and someone’s kid starts crying or yelling “Baby Shark!” please be kind to them.”
On top of how hard it is to be transgender in a cissexist world, it’s also really hard to be a child. It can be hard to have two moms in a heterosexist world. It can be hard to have a transgender mom. Put that all together, and I’m just one giant ball of anxiety who is frequently at a loss for the perfect way to help my child navigate the world.
For queer couples already facing marginalization in their lives and relationship before making the decision to become pregnant, the presence of a doula can be profound.
Remi loves the ocean so very much wow, baking cookies with a two-year-old, some very cute holiday-ish pics, having it all is a lie, #Cativan, and more Baby T. updates for your face!
Dealing with a toddler having a temper tantrum is a lot like putting out a fire, plus mom bod nudies, Remi’s fav song for dinner dancing, cat baby watch update, and more!
I hadn’t experienced transphobic violence in medicalized form before. But I’d experienced it in many others: in punches and pushes, through threats with weapons, or by being run off the road by cars while I was on foot.
“Good” and “bad” in a very bad world, fall fun, toddler logic, echolocation, fall fun, adults-only Halloween, and a requested cat + baby update.
I love how soft I am postpartum. It’s a reminder of how my body stretched and grew and changed to grow a tiny human. I didn’t know I could be that strong and that soft simultaneously. I didn’t know my softness could be my strength.
Models of sex education that focus on what is “age-appropriate” for children inevitably leave LGBTIQ youth in the dark about their own identities.
“There’s an easily accessible narrative in wilderness travel, to pretend we’re living outside of society, and to strive to create a better version of it. The temptation to argue that “x doesn’t really matter out here” rears its head in all of the usual places: race, socioeconomics, gender, age. What I’ve come to struggle with in the canoe, and years later, is which way to go. To continue my first argument, to dismantle gender, or to teach gender – to teach what it means to be a strong, dirty woman, to ask my co-instructor to teach positive masculinity.”