Transmitting a deadly virus doesn’t exactly say “I love you,” so it makes sense that this particular conflict is bringing up big questions about your relationship.
The idea of breaking up, and/or transitioning your relationship to platonic as somehow a failure or throwing something away is one of those pesky ideas we need to unlearn.
“THIS STEP IS VERY IMPORTANT, DO NOT PUT THE BOILING HOT TEA BAGS ON YOUR EYELIDS!!!” Queer advice on breaking up with someone over social distancing opinions as well as advice on pressure from friends to hang out in-person instead of staying home (during this here pandemic), returning to writing after a betrayal, recovering from a good cry, and more!
Breaking up with someone does not make you an asshole.
“He has been, without fail, late to everything we’ve ever planned. His tardiness ranges from one to three hours. Sometimes, I wait an hour and politely ask “what’s your ETA?” and he replies with “Sorry, I’m just going to do my hair and 15 other things and I’ll be on my way!””
Your partner doesn’t want to talk about raising your kids to be anti-racist, longing to reach out to a former friend, and more!
Coming out isn’t a magic trick that makes us suddenly understand ourselves completely.
The pandemic has made ghosting easier for those who might otherwise act like mortals.
Is it a “friend” coffee or a “date” coffee, unemployed and feeling unmoored, negotiating initiating intimacy in a relationship with two people on the asexual spectrum, you feel like your best friend is making questionable dating decisions, grooming your armpit hair, taking a break from therapy, you’ve never been in a long-term relationship, trying to exist outside of capitalism, possible pelvic floor concerns — and more!
Boundaries are our manifestations of how we deserve to be treated and what we will accept from others.
Babe, I promise you’re right on time. In 2020 I can’t be sure of hardly anything, but I am sure that you are good. You belong right where you are, and you get to do the messy work of finding out what’s next.
Scorpio season teaches us that we cannot keep carrying everything that has ever mattered to us and expect to still have energy for new growth — sometimes we have to let things go, or acknowledge what has already gone, before we can truly transform.
There is no quantifiable metric for being over someone. If you’re ready to date, you’re ready to date.
Relationships change. Relationships end. It’s not inconsiderate to move forward; sometimes being a good ex means maintaining boundaries.
No matter how cautious we try to be, we are going to hurt people. The question then becomes: when is it worth it?
Welcome to the first installment of #PolyamoryProblems, a new advice column on Autostraddle. There are countless things I wish I had known before I started out, and lucky for you I’m here to tell you the things that will hopefully make your transition into polyamorous relationships much smoother.
Making queer friends in quarantine, holding a candle for your ex, being out as bisexual at work, unpacking a past relationship with boundary issues, poly nesting feelings, roommates who make you feel like a fifth wheel, social media related envy in your creative community, and MORE! Become an A+ Member today to submit your own advice questions, get access to this twice monthly series, and keep Autostraddle going for everyone.
The dynamic between white men and Asian partners is uncomfortable. There’s always a worry that they’re interested in what you represent, not who you are.
Your mom is making this about herself, and it’s not fair to you.
Stating your needs around masturbation in a relationship, moving on from an on-again-off-again relationship, your dad hasn’t worked through his homophobia, and more!
Guides often suggest a masturbation practice, getting to know your own unique fantasies, or even challenging yourself to watch porn. But there’s no one perfect method; here’s a bit of a different approach!