Bette Porter 2020? Five Fictional Los Angeles Gays Remain in Our Election!

Only five candidates remain in our completely fictional Los Angeles mayoral race! Can Bette Porter pull this thing out? As I mentioned yesterday, she hasn’t won a single round of voting yet! She keeps getting edged out by the same person! Only time will tell whether or not she can regroup and re-win the hearts of the gays who used to love her wholly and fully above everyone else. Platforms and voting are below.

Round 1 — 11/25 (Lost: Rhonda Johnson, black-ish)
Round 2 — 11/26 (Lost: Nancy Botwin, Weeds)
Round 3 — 11/27 (Lost: Dawn Denbo, The L Word)
Round 4 — 12/2 (Lost: Hen, 9-1-1)
Round 5 — 12/3
Round 6 — 12/4
The Final Election — 12/5
The Announcement of The Winner — 12/8


Bette Porter, The L Word

Campaign Manager: Carmen Phillips 

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Bet on Me to Top LA

Housing. Much like every major city in the United States, Los Angeles is currently having a housing crisis. That affects LGBTQ+ youth most directly, who make up roughly 50% of the homeless population in this city. I won’t allow this city to be continued to be bought out by those most wealthy and leaving our community with nothing more than scraps. Powerful rich white men don’t scare me, I eat them for breakfast. I will take on every real estate developer who is trying to rob us out of our most important safety net — a place to lay our heads at night — and I Will Win.

Unemployment. Every citizen of Los Angeles has the right to work for an increased minimum wage that reflects the astronomical cost of living in this city. It’s not just about if the wealthy power lesbians — like myself or my friends — can afford to have in home pools or $7 lattes every morning. It’s about if everyday citizens, just like you, can afford to work full time and not end up in a life debt. Having a good, well paying, stable job should be a basic human right, and I will work everyday until it is.

Education. I believe in investing in our public school system. Not only do the best of Los Angeles public schools go toe-to-toe with any of our supposedly posh private or charter schools, they do so with fewer resources. Public schools are the lifeblood of the future of our city. Not only do I want to put money back in our schools, I will make it a top priority to invest in LGBT+ education and install a more strict anti-bullying policy. There is nothing more important to me than supporting LGBT students and students of color. Mini-Bette was one of those girls, and I will fight for her today.


Davina Rejennae, Transparent

Campaign Manager: Drew Gregory 

Help Each Other Along the Way

LGBTQ+ Education Standards. My work with LGBTQ+ youth has shown me that Los Angeles schools are still failing at queer education. My team and I have created new standards covering everything from introducing basic terms in early education to guidelines on how to talk to queer and trans students to properly inclusive sex education.

Universal Healthcare. Los Angeles is the largest city in California, the world’s fifth largest economy. There’s no reason we should wait for the rest of the country on an issue as urgent as healthcare. As an HIV-positive trans woman, I know the importance of high quality affordable healthcare for all. Income should not determine whether our residents get the care they need.

Close the Wealth Gap. Like most of the country, Los Angeles is a city plagued with devastating wealth disparity. That’s why I’ve come up with a series of proposals that will begin to redistribute wealth so everyone gets their fair share. Trust me. There are eccentric Jewish families in the Palisades who could do with a bit less privilege.


Emma Hernandez, Vida

Campaign Manger: Heather Hogan

I’m Just Me

An Economy that Works for People Who aren’t Zillionaires. Fuck big banks. Fuck income inequality. Affordable housing? Yup. Livable minimum wage? Yup.

Stop Ignoring the Climate Crisis. Do you want your kids to have a planet to live on, or what?

The Wall. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit still? Abolish ICE, citizenship for DREAMers, repeal the illegal entry statute, keep families together. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding? How is this even up for debate?


Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Campaign Manager: Valerie Anne

We’ve Got Magic to Do

Education. Nerds are the future! I will dedicate myself to improving our education system, ensuring our teachers are supported and compensated well, and that there are plenty of yellow crayons and vending machines in every school.

LGBTQ+ Community Centers. Let’s get together and make magic together! Everyone deserves to be able to gather as a coven group in a safe space where you can be yourself.

Family Policies. I want to fix the way corporations define family when it comes to HR policies because blood doesn’t make a family, love makes a family, and spousal, dependent, parental leave, bereavement leave, and other employment policies should reflect that.


Elena Alvarez, One Day at a Time

Campaign Manager: Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Let’s Improve LA—One Day at a Time.

Education. As part of my platform, I want to make sure all schools in Los Angeles are trans and queer friendly in their policies, programs, and services. As the youngest candidate for mayor, education is very important to me, and making sure LGBTQ kids feel safe and welcome in their schools is a must.

Mental Health Resources. Making sure mental health resources and services are available in all schools is one of my other priorities. Every public school in Los Angeles should have at least one fully trained counselor on its staff.

Transportation. Lastly, I want to invest more in public transportation initiatives in LA, focusing on improving existing systems but also adding more bus routes. These programs would prioritize affordability as well as sustainability.


VOTE NOW!

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 906 articles for us.

16 Comments

  1. I love Willow, I want to be just like final season Willow. (Nerdy, not to evil, in touch with her power, getting her life back after the thing that shall not be named.)

    But I think she would make a terrible politician.

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