Ugh I am so sorry that happened to you! What an absolutely vile comment. Of course no amount of trolling homophobes would have justified that reaction even if you had done it but unfortunately I think a lot of the time our mere existence really is enough to set these kind of people off. The point you raise about the treatment of different kinds of…[Read more]

I feel like I’m not going to appear nearly as eloquent or wordy as Lucy, but anyway:

Basically every day some asshat at my school yells at me, “You look like Justin Bieber!” Of course, I respond positively. I’ve had my pictures submitted to that tumblr. I just hate that they say this in a derogative manner.

It’s virtually never a good idea to compare whether one form of oppression is worse than another, especially because–newsalert–they’re often related. The same cultural mores and stereotypes underlie homophobia, transphobia, sexism, etc., and they can all lead to hatred.

One observation I’ve made is that gender policing in Western culture does…[Read more]

So difficult. Have you ever persuaded them of anything else, and if so you how did you it, i.e. what works on them? My parents are deeply geeky, so giving them essays to read seems to be working. Whether it’s more effective coming from family or stranger prob depends on the relationship – sounds like your dad has issues with taking you…[Read more]

I think AS had an article on dealing with offensive language from people you know a while ago. And this guide from Amanda Marcotte is more about mythbusting than just dealing with sexist slurs, but you might find it interesting and helpful nonetheless: http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/is_it_worth_it_to_argue_down_right_wing_myths

I’ve also noticed that a good way to call people out is to use humor. For example, say that you hear somebody say that it’s weird for a boy to like to play with dolls. You could say something like “Wow, I didn’t know that genitalia had an effect on toy preference!” (obviously, genitalia does not determine gender, but people who make these…[Read more]

I sympathize with you so, so much on this. The same thing has happened to me with people I’m close to and I haven’t really had a lot of luck changing people’s opinions on things. With one family member, I finally just said “These things you say hurt me. Seriously. You’re my aunt; why don’t you care that you’re hurting me?” It didn’t change…[Read more]

You probably saw this if you looked at the feministe link, but this is really helpful: http://www.illdoctrine.com/2008/07/how_to_tell_people_they_sound.html
Another thing I think you need to figure out is if you’re dealing with the virulent, down-to-their-bones kind of hate or the privilege-denying-cluelessness. If it’s the former, there’s kind…[Read more]