I’ve been reading AS for a while, but only recently joined. While I’ve had sex with both men and women, I’ve only been romantic with men, and I found this site while I was in a pretty serious relationship with a man–who since we’ve broken up finally came around to asking me about my queerness and what it meant to me–and I’m getting up the courage to question my own dismissal of my queer self. It’s easy for me to pass as straight but it doesn’t feel healthy, whole, honest. I think part of that is that I really like sex that plays with power dynamics, pain, serious bottoming and topping, and I had a really hard time until recently conceptualizing BDSM sex that wasn’t explicitly fucking with patriarchal archetypes (patriarchetypes?). And sex with women and trans*people doesn’t hold, for me, a lot of the constricting social pressures that I like exploding. Any words of wisdom on power play in egalitarian relationships, or on figuring out a place in the queer community, would be most appreciated.