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CatD posted an update in the group
Straddler-on-Straddler advice 11 years, 4 months ago
I have an issue. I’m volunteering at this newspaper and there’s a guy who works there part-time. He’s a nice dude, but obvs I’m not into that whole thing. He seems to think we have this connection and he’s constantly flirting with me and telling me he wants to get together at weekends.
The major issue is that he’s from a country where queers aren’t very common – he even mentioned he finds it strange living here in Manchester where lots of boys have boyfriends and girls have girlfriends. I would just tell him ‘straight’ (see what I did there?) that I like girls but I’m not certain he’d get it. I don’t know if he’d take it seriously.
How should I handle this one?
You could also keep turning him down for weekend get-togethers and it might hit him one day that you’re not interested.
I don’t tell people I’m gay. I let my body language let them know I’m not interested. Usually works.
Some dudes really can’t take a hint, though, especially those who have been nursing a particular crush for a while. You often need to be direct.
Well, you could always use the lie straight girls use – ”I have a boyfriend.”(although of course, this has a lot of potential to backfire)
More seriously, though, I would just be direct and tell him you’re not interested. If you’re worried you might reading too much into his behavior (as I was when I was in this situation a few months ago), just tell him that you’ve been getting the feeling that he likes you as more than a friend but you’re really not interested in him that way. You don’t have to tell him it’s because you’re gay. I mean, even if you were straight or bisexual that doesn’t mean you would necessarily reciprocate his feelings, so it’s not like rejecting him means you would have to come out to him. If you need some sort of an excuse, “I’m just not looking for a boyfriend right now” should work because, well, it’s true! Just probably not for the reasons he’s going to infer from that, lol.
Well it seems my problem has solved itself. He got a new job. Now I just have to hope that he doesn’t call me every weekend like he said he wanted to.
I don’t mind telling him I’m queer but I just don’t think he’d get it. Ah well. I need not fret any longer.