Rant about vulnerability ahead.

It was rubbed in my face today that I have issues with vulnerability. This is true. I was told this relates to my fear of unworthiness or being unlovable, but I’ve thought on this and I don’t think that’s true. It’s really about my fear that all the people I love are actually unlovable and unworthy, only I haven’t found out yet.

How am I supposed to get past a history that has demonstrated people are backstabbing, hateful beings?

I have an outstanding relationship with my partner, and my best friend and I have been close for twenty years, but though I seem normal with them, I know I am guarded. They know me best, but they are only seeing 85%.

I struggle with things like calling up old mentors to check their contact info and ask for a reference. Little favors feel like I’m asking for a kidney. I know this is illogical.

Thoughts? Anyone else feel like their vulnerability issues come from a lifetime of people disappointing and hurting you?